10 toxic beliefs that can destroy a relationship
In relationships, it is essential to lay the material foundations so that this life in common can be developed: choose a good floor, make work schedules square, share responsibilities well, etc.
Toxic beliefs that can corrupt a relationship
However, it is also true that for the relationship to come to fruition is necessary, in addition to surrounding objects and habits that allow each other to support each other, develop a good psychological level . Or what is the same, discard all toxic ideas and beliefs related to how life should be lived in common, the role of each member of the couple and the intentions of the other person who move to be with us.
Here are some of these toxic beliefs , so that from the self-reflection can be recognized and questioned by those people who may have them without even realizing it at the beginning.
1. Love is property
The belief that leads to the problems of jealousy. Understanding that the couple is part of oneself only serves to undermine their individuality. Example: "It's ten o'clock at night and he has not called me yet".
2. The fault is yours
A relationship is somewhat bidirectional, but there are people who, when certain typical problems of life in common appear, They blame the couple automatically . This happens because it is usually easier to blame something external to us than to search our behavior for aspects that may have led to conflict, or to reflect on whether everything is based on a simple misunderstanding. In this sense, beware of personalities that tend to victimize.
3. The reading of the mind
Sometimes, a relationship can be confused with the absolute knowledge of what the other person thinks. When we understand that our partner's behavior is basically very predictable, we will tend to attribute intentions in an increasingly pilgrim way , to the point of approaching paranoid thinking and constantly suspecting what he wants. Example: "wants to take the dog for a walk to spend less time with me".
4. Reverse mind reading
Like the previous one, but based on what the other person should know about us and to practice it shows not knowing. The belief that love confers a kind of telepathic power seems absurd, but it is not rare to find and from time to time it offers stereotypical scenes full of reproaches of the style: "I do not know, you will know" or "do what you want, You already know my opinion. "
5. The other person is better than us
The simple act of assuming that the other person is more valuable than oneself introduces an asymmetry in the relationship. An asymmetry that at first is fictitious and exists only in our imagination, but that it can soon become a real decompensation, a self-fulfilling prophecy . For example, it is common practice to make deliberate and very costly sacrifices for the good of the other person, something that can make the other person get used to having special treatment and leading the relationship in all areas.
6. I have to prove things
This belief is closely related to the previous one. In short, it is aboutto the idea that the relationship has to be kept alive from fully planned actions in which we offer the best facet of ourselves. It is something similar to an indefinite prolongation of the stage of pretending to make a good first impression, and that can last until years after being married. This toxic belief attends frontally against any sign of spontaneity in the life of a couple.
7. The belief in the superorganism
This can be summed up in believing that life as a couple is something like the culmination of a person's life, a stage in which one's own individuality is lost and becomes part of a larger entity, just as a caterpillar would transform into a butterfly. The problem with this is that, on the one hand, favors the isolation and the distancing of family and friends , and on the other, this union with the other person does not cease to be fictitious, with which this idea does not correspond to reality.
8. My partner defines me
This belief it can become toxic if it is taken literally , since it has the power to self-fulfill at the expense of our own identity. People who adopt an extreme version of this belief change their hobbies, their personality and even their way of speaking depending on who they are dating. The negative consequences of this have to do with the loss of our ability to claim ourselves as people with our own criteria, but also generates problems that are mostly on the social level, as people who know us can see in this a kind of fraud.
9. The need for drama
As it is sometimes understood that the relationship with the couple has to be more intense than our relationships with other people, this can also be extrapolated to the terrain of everyday conflicts. It is possible that real oversize minutiae , like the fact that the gift that the couple has given us does not completely match our tastes.
10. No matter what I do, it's my partner
This belief is based on the idea that the couple's relationship is, in essence, a kind of license or indefinite contract . While the relationship has the label of "couple relationship", the two involved (although usually only us) are entitled to do what they want, without having to take into consideration the agreed pacts and responsibilities.
Some conclusions ...
Of course, the way in which I have exposed these beliefs here is caricatural, in order to clearly show the destructive implications of the lines of precipitated thoughts and conclusions to which they may give rise.
In real life these ideas appear much more disguised, and almost always has not even been noticed in their existence as basic and simple as they are. The task of discovering and confronting them can also be one of those challenges that can be undertaken together and that make life in common more intense.