12 tips to better manage couple discussions
The arguments of couple do not have to be harmful, as long as we know how to handle them properly and express our feelings in a natural and constructive way. Since this is not always an easy task, throughout this article we will see 12 keys that will help us manage couple discussions in the most satisfactory way possible for both.
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Disputes in romantic relationships
When we fall in love and we are also fortunate to be reciprocated, our mind is immersed in a state of absolute happiness and happiness that can hardly be obscured by other external factors.
At the beginning of relationships, any external concern becomes light and fleeting, since the feeling of well-being produced by falling in love works as a counterbalance to all those headaches.
But unfortunately, the phase of falling in love does not last all life , and as time passes the romantic euphoria decreases. As a result, any event, both alien to the relationship and its own, can be a stressor that ends up affecting our intimate relationship.
The conflicts of the coexistence and the couple relationship, the economic problems and, even, the labor ups and downs are likely to end up in a couple's argument that we can not always (or know) handle. However, couple discussions are not only inevitable, but they are also absolutely necessary if we know how to manage them correctly.
Contrary to what many people think, discussing the couple from time to time is common and normal. And as long as they are not excessively frequent discussions, nor violent ones, the appearance of discrepancies is natural when two people share any area of their life in a very intense way.
It is necessary to clarify that, when we talk about discussing, we refer to a debate, an exchange of opinions that in no case includes neither the lack of respect, nor the aggressiveness or violence. In a couple that never discusses is very likely that one of the two is repressing their ideas or opinions , either for fear of creating conflicts and not knowing how to solve them correctly, or because of pressure from the other person.
In either case, this situation is impossible to maintain in time without, any day, one of the two parties can not stand more. In this way, any small conflict, which could have been solved in time and without further consequences, is magnified and accompanied by other conflicts that have been restrained.
12 tips to manage couple discussions
In order to solve the problems, it is necessary to address them , although this means being forced to maintain a discussion, sometimes uncomfortable, with our partner. With the intention of facilitating this moment, we will review a list of techniques or tips to manage a couple's discussion in a satisfactory way. With these suggestions we will not avoid the discussion, but we will avoid the mistakes that we all tend to commit and that cause great discomfort.
These are the guidelines to carry out a discussion in an orderly manner, trying to keep our feelings from taking over and finalizing it in the most successful way possible.
1. Know how to identify and express our own emotions
Our reactions and responses in an argument are not the same if it is moved by anger, that is moved by sadness or frustration. To be able to identify what we feel and what is its cause is fundamental to know how to handle it and find a solution to that problem that generates this negative feeling.
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2. Recognize if there is an underlying real motive
In many of the couple's discussions that are heatedly carried out by a specific problem, such as doing some domestic chore, they are a symptom of an underlying major conflict.
This discord or real controversy feeds small problems. Therefore it is necessary to know what is the real origin of our anger ; in order to be able to solve it at the root and avoid intense disputes over minor conflicts.
3. Promote dialogue, do not avoid it
As discussed in the beginning of the article, it is necessary to assimilate that avoid dialogue with the intention of avoiding a possible fight; as well as ignoring the conflictive situation or always giving the reason to the couple only they are avoidance techniques that feed more and more frustration .
This will only help us to accumulate negative feelings that will eventually come out sooner or later.The crux of the matter is to dialogue and exchange opinions as calmly as possible and thus achieve a constructive and peaceful conversation.
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4. Formulate positive responses and from the person himself
There are many different ways of saying things and in discussions we tend to use an accusing tone that is never useful nor conciliatory.
Although we are convinced of being right, changing the tone and accusing statements by others formulated in the first person and in positive, expressing our emotions will help us to make the other person be able to put ourselves in our place.
5. Never disrespect
This is perhaps one of the most difficult points. The couple discussions usually have a much more intense emotional component , so that at certain moments we may be tempted to let ourselves be carried away by anger, saying things we do not really think about and even disrespecting the couple.
We should never underestimate the value of our words, since a discussion in which anger moves our expressions can cause damage, both in the other person and in the partner, often irreparable.
In the same way, the use of reproaches or recriminations towards the other person, they will never favor the development of a satisfactory dialogue.
6. Knowing how to choose the right time
In most cases it is more advisable to postpone a discussion than to carry it out in an environment or place that is not appropriate. We must find a moment of intimacy , in which both people feel comfortable expressing their feelings openly, and without other people being present.
In the same way, it is essential to have enough time to talk. The rush is never convenient in an argument, since it is most likely that one of the two ends by cutting it abruptly and then it will be much more complicated to resume it.
7. Do not make any decision at the time
Making decisions "hot" and moved by our feelings is never a good idea. When we let these negative emotions make decisions for us, we can make decisions that we really do not want and that we will then have to redeem or repent.
Therefore, it is better to end the discussion and reflect, once the mood has subsided, if you have to make any kind of decision regarding relationship or couple dynamics it means.
8. Forget about pride
Just as it is necessary to recognize our emotions, it is also necessary to assume that we are not always right. If we are the ones who made a mistake, we should swallow our pride and apologize. Surely afterwards we will feel relieved and our partner will appreciate our effort.
9. Do not take out past problems
A common mistake in couple discussions is to bring up problems of the past. It is essential to focus on the current issue or situation, leaving the past conflicts where they are, or in case they generate a lot of concern in the person leaving them for another time, since this it will only reinforce the current tension .
10. Make a "time out"
At times when we see that the discussion is becoming too intense, the most appropriate decision is to make a "time out" in which both move away from the discussion temporarily. This small provisional distance will favor the development of another perspective of the problem and will relax the spirits .
11. Know when to stop
Knowing when the discussion is not evolving and has been stuck is essential to not constantly repeating the same patterns of discussion. At this time it is best to stop for a moment, a "time out" can be useful, and raise possible alternatives to the discussion or situation that is being maintained.
12. Resolve conflicts
After an argument it is necessary to be able to reach an agreed agreement with possible solutions for the problematic situation. It is useless to argue for hours to avoid reaching any conclusion, since it is also very possible that the conflict reappears.
Therefore, getting a satisfactory treatment for both is one of the goals to be set in a couple discussion.