15 keys to know if it's the love of your life (or not)

March 28, 2024

Find the love of our life It is one of the great motivations of our existence, and when we are in pairs, we may be able to ask ourselves if the person we are with is really the one with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives.

But the answer to this question is not always simple, since the concept of love is really complex. In fact, many investigations have been carried out to understand this immense feeling, and experts have not always agreed when it comes to defining it.

Love and falling in love are concepts that are often confused , and someone whom we can consider as the love of our life at the beginning of the relationship, may not be a few years later. Why? Because the love of a couple is a socially constructed phenomenon, and we must not forget that the relationship of couple does not stop being an interpersonal relationship, which can be broken at any moment, taking with it the immense feeling that we may have felt for that person. The love of your life is a love that is worked, taken care of every day.

Related article: "What is love? (And what is not)

The feeling of love is not enough for relationships to last

And is that relational dynamics influence the maintenance of love, and It is not enough to feel a great attraction towards a person and have many things in common . In order for the relationship to continue and that person to become the love of our life, it is necessary to take care of the relationship, to do our part and, often, to make the decision to continue together.

Irrational love can be a great inconvenience for love to triumph, while mature or rational love is more likely to stay alive even in bad times. Efficient negotiation and communication, respect and even the healthy self-esteem of the members of the couple help love win the game in the face of conflicts.

The 3 key qualities in couple relationships

Psychologists, sociologists and doctors have tried to understand human behavior about love. One of the best-known researchers in this regard is Robert Sternberg. For this one, love is based on three key components: intimacy, passion and commitment . According to your triangular theory of love, for a person to be the love of your life you must possess these elements.

Intimacy refers to the closeness between the two actors of a relationship . That is, it is the emotional connection, the trust and the affection that you have for each other. Passion refers to attraction, excitement, the desire to connect and be with the other. Finally, the commitment is the decision to be together despite the difficulties that may arise in the relationship.

Sternberg says that there are different types of love depending on how these three elements are combined. Love, therefore, can be classified in the following ways:

Honey: according to the author, this type of love only contains intimacy. It would be a friendship with someone .
Infatuation: characteristic of relationships that are shallow. There is only passion.
Empty love: interest is the reason that the two people are together. There is only commitment .
Romantic love: there is a great physical attraction, but there is an absence of commitment.
Sociable love: the lack of passion characterizes this type of love. It can happen when, after several years of relationship, you lose interest in intimate relationships .
Fatuous love: a love in which privacy is lacking. People want and may try to go out together, but there is no connection since they are very different and do not share similar tastes.
Completed love: it is complete love. It contains the three elements of Sternberg's triangular theory.

Following someone is a decision

Before knowing what are the keys that help detect if the person you are with is the love of your life, it is important to know that in this concept the cultural influence has a lot to do . Likewise, knowing if a person is the love of life only makes sense in the present moment, with being well in the here and now with your partner, since love relationships have to be worked every day, and there may be periods in the that problems arise in the relationship.

To continue with someone is a decision that has to do with the way of thinking of each one and the way of understanding the couple relationships for each member of it. It also has to do with the ability to resolve conflicts of the participants. So in a way it is an individual process. There are people who do not value someone they had at a time in their life, and a few years later, when they have matured, they realize what they have lost.

Keys to know if it's the love of your life

Now, if you feel good with someone, you are attracted, you see him or her in the future and respect your opinions, that person is possibly the love of your life (at least at that particular moment). Definitely, The love of your life is what makes you feel that you are in a healthy relationship and, therefore, has the following characteristics:

1. It is unconditional

The love of your life is unconditional, because he respects you and loves you despite the bad times . It does not judge, it accepts.

2. It is generous

He is generous and cares about giving. It's a balanced love, in which the two members they give and receive equally .

3. He is a negotiator and prone to solve conflicts

Not having conflicts with the love of your life is unreal, because each person has their opinions and life is not always easy. However, the love of your life will worry about negotiating and communicating with you to solve any problem that may appear in the relationship.

4. It does not cause suffering

Obviously there are bad times and good times in a relationship. But when you find the love of your life, good times outnumber bad times.

5. It is respectful

An authentic love it is not selfish , because he cares about the needs of his partner. It also takes into account the opinions of the other member and respects them.

6. It feeds from a deep connection

Respect makes you have great confidence with the love of your life. So, the emotional connection is very deep and it flows constantly.

7. It is built over time

Falling in love can be based on a great attraction, but over time, this attraction can diminish and conflicts over not having enough intimacy or commitment can lead to breakup. The love of your life is a mature love, which is built little by little.

8. Have fun moments

The love of your life is an unforgettable love, because it makes you feel good moments. That it does not mean that 24 hours a day you have to live in a cloud , but on a global level, satisfaction with the relationship is a reality.

9. Feeds sexuality

It is not necessary that sexuality be the same as the first days of the relationship, but the love of your life will work so that the flame of passion does not get lost .

10. It is retailer

The love of your life is retailer, and these details are not necessarily material. Your true love it does not leave you aside , because it works daily so that the relationship does not deteriorate.

11. Worries about the relationship

The love of your life is aware that a relationship must work because it goes beyond falling in love. It is an altruistic love.

12. It is realistic

It is a mature love and, therefore, realistic. Do not live on unreal expectations nor idealizes the other person. It is a rational love.

13. It's honest

There is a fluid communication with the love of your life, and great respect. There are no great secrets, because there is nothing to hide.

14. It is not dependent

In authentic love the two members of the relationship are well together and it is not a dependent love, mainly because everyone has their own space and healthy self-esteem.