37 ways not to hurt me (emotionally and psychologically)
We are all different, but if I have learned something in the time I have been working in the clinic, some things are generalized to almost all human beings. Scratching a bit, the reasons for suffering usually coincide in a high percentage.
That is why it has occurred to me to summarize here what are the main causes of suffering that I observe in therapy, which cause us to be ill for longer than necessary and with more intensity.
- Related article: "The 10 keys to dealing with emotional pain"
How to avoid unnecessary discomfort
At this point, almost everyone knows that this trip is not a path of roses, but with some guidelines, perhaps, we can have a bad time just and necessary, no more.
Then I leave a list of psychological self-care behaviors that will facilitate the proper or less painful management of this to what they call life:
1. Learn to forgive
Forgiveness is not always intended for the other person. I believe, that it is more destined to ourselves . If we forgive, we let go, we let go, we free ourselves from emotions such as hatred, resentment, frustration ... it does not have to be linked to resume the relationship with the person in question. It is more a process of inner peace.
2. Ask yourself: what is this good for?
Every time we see ourselves thinking about something that hurts us, we can ask ourselves: What is this for? If the answer focuses on being worse and not finding any solution, It would be good to change that thought for another that helps us be more productive or direct us to be able to solve the problem in some way.
3. Things are the way they are, not the way I want them to be
Important point by which sometimes we insist on changing things that are not in our hands. As much as I want, there are things that are as they are, not as I would like them to be. It would be necessary to learn to separate what I can change from what I do not . Act with the first, and accept the second.
4. Do not dramatize
Here I would relativize. Give things the right importance, be objective and not drown in a glass of water. Stop to think if what is happening is as important as what we are giving.
- Related article: "Autosabotaje: causes, characteristics and types"
5. Accept that not everything has an explanation
Give a thousand and one returns to something that we will never get to understand, either because the answer is in another person who does not want to give it to us, well because it is not in our hand, well because it has happened í (for example, a death in an accident). Accept that we will not understand everything. And learn to live with it.
6. Do not anticipate a catastrophic outcome
Most of the time we suffer for things that in the end do not happen. But our head has already invented a very tragic ending , sometimes the worst possible, and we have lived it as if it were real, forgetting that all this suffering, even if it is imaginary, hurts us. And sometimes a lot. We should learn to take care when it arrives, if it arrives, and stop worrying so much.
7. Release ballast: let go everything you want to leave
Throw what does not work anymore. Make gap. From time to time it is basic to look at what we have around us and realize what is left over . Only then we can go removing stones from the backpack that we carry to the hill, and the less weight, the more free we will be when walking. Practice the detachment of things, situations and people.
8. Accept yourself
Carl Rogers said that only when I accept myself can I change. In order to carry out this point, it is necessary an exercise of introspection, which is to know oneself, how we think, how we feel, how we act. Only by knowing who I am, and accepting it, will I be able to change what I do not want in my life.
9. Not wanting to be with someone who does not want to be with you
Many times, the source of suffering comes from trying to be with someone who does not love you. Here, accept that others have other feelings that although we would like, are not the same as ours, lightens and shortens the grieving process.
10. Set realistic goals
Propose achievable and possible goals, to avoid the frustration that is generated when we do not get where we want to go.
11. Perfectionism
Understand that there is no one or anything perfect. That each one of us is special and different, and that While our goal is perfection, we will not enjoy the process and we're going to come down every time something does not come out as we think it should come out.
12. Do not guess what others think
Acting believing that what we believe that others believe, is an absolute truth, without assessing that perhaps we are confusing and others do not think as we think they do.
13. Do not procrastinate
Leave for later what you can remove from the middle, makes your mind busy thinking you have something to do , and that you can not enjoy 100% of what you are doing.
- Related article: "Procrastination or the syndrome of" I'll do it tomorrow ": what it is and how to prevent it"
14. Do not take everything personally
Do not think that the whole world revolves around your navel and that all the decisions that others make have to do with you. If someone laughs at the next table, maybe it's because something has been funny, it does not have to be laughing at me. When we think that everything is against us, maybe we are the ones who are.
15. Develop empathy
Knowing how to put yourself in another's place and see their reality through their eyes, not ours. This helps us understand others and facilitates personal relationships.
16. Adaptability
Darwin said that the most intelligent being is the one that best adapted to the environment. Be able to understand situations and live them in the best possible way Within our possibilities, it saves a lot of suffering.
17. Caring for the way we treat ourselves
Realize the way we talk to each other. Language is very important when assessing ourselves, and often the verbalizations we make towards ourselves are far from being affectionate, tolerant and realistic. Self-criticism comes in handy as long as the result is an attempt to improve , not a constant automation that does not produce anything productive.
18. Do not expect others to act as you would
Many times we see ourselves saying "it's just that I would not do it that way", as if the others had to do it in the same way that we would.
19. Ability to transform
Realize the power we have to transform the lives of others and therefore, also ours. Be aware of how important small gestures are and its impact.
20. Do not act when we want to expect others to do it
Keep waiting for third parties to make the decisions for us, without thinking that we have the power of our lives to be able to act . For example, do not call a person, hoping that she is the one who takes the first step. With this, I keep my life on hold and lose power over it.
21. Not self-punishing
Be more fair and tolerant with oneself and allow oneself to fail without causing a disaster, without extreme self-demands . In this kind of thing I always ask "if it had happened to a friend of yours, would you be so hard?", And the answer is almost always a resounding no. If you would not treat anyone so cruelly, why would you?
22. Select the battles to fight
Many times we get into jaleos of which we will not take anything and that only lead to a mental wear that we can avoid. There are discussions that we know far away that we do not deserve it. As they say, Sometimes it's better to have peace than to be right .
23. Make decisions
Sometimes we do not take them, either for fear of making mistakes, or for fear of consequences. Making decisions means that we have power over our lives and that we feel that way.
24. Run away from the jail of what they will say
That our life revolves around what others may say about us, gives power to third parties over our lives. Therefore, anyone can harm us. To accept that whatever we do, there will always be someone who criticizes us, and stay true to ourselves promotes self-esteem, security and confidence.
- Maybe you're interested: "The 50 best sentences about self-esteem"
25. Take the error as learning
Understanding mistakes as a way of learning, instead of as a model of defeat, which makes us value negatively and globally based on that failure.
26. Know how to retire on time
We have the wrong idea that to retire is to lose, when sometimes know how to see when we have to go and say goodbye, is the greatest of the victories . Keeping us where we are no longer happy or where we are not wanted is to prolong the agony.
27. Set limits
Learn to tell others how far they can enter our personal space. Knowing how to say "up to here", "enough", and above all, learn to say "no", without it entailing feelings of guilt.
28. Appreciate the present
Learning to live in the here and now, since it is the only thing that really exists. We can not change the past and the future may never come , and spend the day in one or another makes us lose what really matters: what is happening.
29. Manage fears
Understand that being afraid is normal and adaptive, but that letting ourselves be paralyzed by it, takes away our freedom and makes us live a life we do not want to live. The fear of the unknown, of failing, of change, of loneliness makes us stay without moving in a place where we really are not being happy .
- Maybe you're interested: "The 16 types of fear and their characteristics"
30. Do not try to get where you can not go
As much as we want, sometimes we have to be aware that there are things, situations or people with whom we can not do more.
31. Expectations
On numerous occasions we believe that others have some characteristics that we have set for them and that they have to act in that way. When this does not happen, we feel disappointed. A source of liberation is to accept others as they are.
32. Say what we think or feel
Everything that we keep silent and hurts, stays inside, accumulates, and ends up exploding in some way that stains everything in the form of: depression, anxiety, etc. Thus, it is necessary to be able to defend ourselves against injustices , express our criteria or what we are feeling.
33. Knowing how to accept a no
Understand that not everyone has to be at our disposal and that as free beings we are all entitled to say no. And this goes in all directions. Many times, it is hard for us to understand that they reject us, we feel hurt and we engage in an internal struggle to be able to fit it. Accept the decisions of others, even if they are not what we want It is another way to show respect.
34. Know that you can not always be happy
Happiness is not something that we can always control. Sometimes, it's time to suffer. Life gives us situations that we would never like to live, but that is what it touches. Therefore, to understand that sometimes, there is no other way to learn to manage negative emotions, makes it easier for us to wear the bad moments in the best possible way .
Know what will happen, like the good ones (that's why it is recommended that when we are well, we are aware that we are in order to enjoy it as much as possible). And try to develop resilience (ability to emerge stronger from adverse situations).
35. Do not put others before others
To believe that others are more important than us, to always be thinking of how to please by leaving us in the background, to feel guilty when we think of ourselves because we believe that someone may find it wrong, to explain to everyone about what we do or we stop doing by giving them power over our lives and allowing them to get in our privacy and privacy , makes our self-esteem dwarf.
36. Do not leave our happiness in someone else's hands
Believe that we will be happy when someone heeds us, for example. Without understanding that happiness is not outside, but inside. Obviously, I will be better if I get the things I want to achieve, but to think that others are responsible for making me better, makes me uninterested.
37. Do not focus on what you lack instead of what you have
Compare us, losing almost always. Never be satisfied Do not allow us to enjoy what surrounds us, because we look for what is not .
Learning to take care
I advise, from time to time, to review the list in order to see in which aspects we have improved and in which we still have work to do. And expand it with anything that comes to mind, that is taking away our freedom.
