4 reasons why you should stay away from ex
If there is one aspect of our emotional lives that raises as many passions as the first days of relationship, these are moments in which we realize that We have not overcome the break with an ex-partner and we are assailed by doubts about whether to contact her again or not.
And is that although in most romantic movies the separation between what is good and what is bad is drawn clearly, real life is much more complicated.
In fact, unrealistic ideas about what a true love relationship is like make many people assume that you have to give second chances to failed relationships, no matter how bad they are.
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Why it is better not to make contact with ex-partners
Although in theory all people have the ability to overcome couple breakups, in practice not everyone has the time or energy to do so. That is why, in most cases, the temptation to return to the contact with a former partner often generates problems.
While there is nothing wrong with talking back or meeting an "ex", it is advisable to do this when the emotional grieving process has been fully overcome. Below you can read the 4 main ones reasons why it is better not to contact an ex-partner again .
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1. It is impossible to start from scratch
Contact shots with ex-partners are characterized by the frustration of aspiring to that state of illusion of the first days and not getting it. You have to have something clear: once a relationship has ended, although contact is restored and nothing is the same again, for better or for worse. We can not simply choose to forget everything that happened , and the attempts of self-deception to cover up those events usually generate emotional crises at the most inopportune moments.
For example, even if we pretend to run a veil of ignorance about the past and make see that nothing bad has happened between us and the ex-partner, if from the beginning one of the parties has the feeling of being in debt to the other, or one believes that the other owes something, those feelings will sooner or later emerge; indirectly at the beginning, and quite clearly at the end.
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2. Constant painful reminders
The only thing that makes all human beings are not deeply unhappy is that they know how to manage their focus of attention so as not to be constantly directing them towards sad or traumatic memories.
But this is not something that depends only on the strength of one's will. The environment in which we live, and specifically the type of elements with which we surround ourselves, they have an effect on what we think about . If we live surrounded by death, we will think more about it, and if we live in regular contact with an ex-partner, more occasions will be created in which, without intending it, we will end up thinking about that relationship and what caused it to fail.
That is why, unless we have totally overcome the couple break , we do not create the propitious conditions so that the thoughts about the separation assault us unexpectedly.
3. Frustration mixes with fantasies
This drawback has to do with the previous two. If there is something that can produce as much pain as living in a relationship in which everything is bitterness, it is living in one in which frustration is mixed with fantasies about how it would be a reality in which the problems with the ex-couple have disappeared .
And being in contact with people with whom in the past we had a romantic love story brings both very good and very bad memories. The seconds are part of the conflicts that may appear , while the former tempt us to try to revive what we sometimes confuse with the present: fantastic moments that we experience more through what we would like it to be through honesty.
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4. Close the way to new opportunities
Many times, the desire to return to have contact with the ex-partner and, basically, an element of distraction. Sometimes the possibility of returning to have a loving relationship with that person makes us concentrate on this kind of fantasies and that let's miss opportunities to start more functional and exciting relationships .
In fact, sometimes the simple act of idealizing the return of contact with the ex-partner means that the idea of starting a relationship with another person produces feelings of guilt, even if it has never been "returned" to That old couple.
In these cases it is assumed that we are predestined to resume that failed relationship, even if there are no objective reasons to believe that. It is a highly dysfunctional belief that in the long term does not satisfy any of the parties and can even harm third parties, since they receive contradictory signals: sometimes we seem interested in these people and sometimes it seems that we reject them totally.
