4 ways of thinking that lead to falling into toxic relationships
Many times, we get used to living affective relationships as if they were something that is given to us by life, as a kind of gift that we simply accept and experience without thinking too much about what we do. This idea can be very poetic, but in the long run, it exposes us to risks. Specific, makes us not question certain ideas about what it is to love and be loved .
If we believe that the opportunities to start a relationship arise spontaneously in our step, we lose sight of all those habits and customs that bring us closer to living the love in a certain way, and not another. And, when all those decisions and behavior trends that we do not realize they bring us closer to having only toxic and unsatisfactory relationships , the thing becomes much more serious.
And the worst thing about going through a bad romance is not always that experience in itself, but the fact of not having learned any lesson from it.
- Related article: "23 signs that you have a 'toxic relationship' of a partner"
Ways of thinking that lead to falling again and again in toxic relationships
Much as in love some things are obvious to us, we would save ourselves several problems if we realized that many of the beliefs we have about relationships are simply prejudices and irrational beliefs .
Some of these unfounded ideas are relatively harmless, but others lead us to stumble over and over again with the same stone, without even being aware that we have a predisposition to fall into that kind of mistake in our love life.
Below you will find some of those ways of thinking that predispose us to get involved in toxic relationships , and what makes them so harmful.
1. The belief of the average orange
Romantic love, understood as a relationship in which two people unite inseparably to form a single body, is one of the most harmful beliefs that exist. The reasons is that it favors emergence of interdependence and obsession for control of the other , on the one hand, and the lack of time to be alone with oneself, on the other.
In the long run, the level of discomfort and stress caused by these types of courtships and marriages make the situation untenable.
- Maybe you're interested: "The myth of the average orange: no couple is ideal"
2. The commitment is scary
Relationships can be something exciting, but some people are very afraid of one of the facets of these: commitment. Thus, when they go out with someone, they try to do "normal life", not leave their comfort zone and continue behaving unilaterally, although in a relationship. This, to practice, means that there are no commitments, or that there are very few , and that each one does his life as a bachelor at all times except at certain times.
Thus, from this habit the couple is something that appears and disappears at the convenience. It may seem like a free emotional choice, but in reality it is a direct route to fears, insecurities and paranoia. A relationship, because it is so, must be built on certain commitments; Yes, it is its members who decide what goes into the pact and what is left out.
3. One party decides, the other makes
The fact that some relationships are made up of very different people means that sometimes one of them has a passive attitude and the other takes a more active role. With the passage of time, this can become a dynamic in which one always decides about those small choices of everyday life.
Although at first it seems a harmless tendency, this habit usually leads to fatigue on the part of the decision-maker , since he is the one who most perceives that the relationship is not symmetric. In fact, the situation can be interpreted as a symptom of lack of commitment and interest in spending time together.
4. When in doubt, apologize
There are those who enter the world of love with feet of lead, very afraid of bothering the beloved . That means that, in ambiguous situations in which the dissatisfaction or anger of this one is sensed, it is accepted without any fault that one is guilty, which leads to asking for forgiveness. But, this is a mistake.
Ensuring symmetry is necessary in order not to live in a toxic relationship, and for this we must know how to create a constant flow of communication, so that both parties know what is happening, therefore, before asking for forgiveness, we must ensure that they really exist reasons for this, and that are understood.
