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5 basic principles to enjoy a full and satisfying sexuality

5 basic principles to enjoy a full and satisfying sexuality

January 25, 2022

Despite all that has been published on psychology and sexuality, the cultural influence perpetuated by television, advertisements and mass media in general still influences our beliefs about how we should live our sexuality. Today we live surrounded by a distorted hypersexuality through which, especially in young people, the emergence of a desire that prevails over the other's , which is why professionals must approach the issue of sexuality with a gender perspective.

The truth is that our beliefs and fantasies about how life should be as a couple and how we should live our sexuality, are closely related to the difficulties that psychologists encounter in the consultation.

Live a better sexuality

Silvia de Béjar quoted in the book "Tu sexo es tuyo", that The most powerful sexual organ is our brain . Therefore, if we live our sexuality concentrating on thoughts that feed guilt, prejudice and stereotypes, we are condemned to sexual dissatisfaction. The renowned sexologist also reminded us that we live in an era in which we all have television at home but, even today, there are many women who do not know what it means to have an orgasm.

What to do? The 5 principles to enjoy sexuality

Once contextualized the path that remains to be traveled and the cultural influence that conditions us, let's focus on the solutions . The 5 basic principles to enjoy a full and healthy sexuality are the following.

Principle 1: Your sexuality begins with you

This is a principle that points us directly to women, given that we have a history that is a disadvantage in relation to men, in which our predecessors could not choose and lived their sexuality according to what was dictated by a patriarchal society, so they barely knew his body and listened to his needs. The only messages they received related to the sexual issue were about her menstruation, and in some cases not even that, and her duty to please the husband, in an intimate climate, yes, but also clouded by the prejudices and modesty of the time.

Today, certainly, more and more women have practically the same knowledge about their own sexual organs as men , and this self-knowledge is key to being able to talk about orgasm. This is the principle number 1, which states that, whatever gender you are, you must know your own sexuality, and know and accept your body (self-confidence is key). And yes, it also includes the option of practicing autoerotism, masturbation, self-stimulation ... we name it as we name it all, it starts with our own body and our pleasure.

Principle 2: Always subject and never object

Reify it is "treating / converting" a person, a living being, into an object, an inanimate being, for its use or, even, for its abuse. It is true that there are sexual fantasies in which one person is used by the other, but always imply a consent of the supposed "object", so that he or she enjoys this sexual use. The emotions and desires of both people count, and when that is the case, we would not talk about abuse or violence.

Concepció Garriga, renowned psychologist, in her article Goodness in female subjectivity: Implications for the clinic and for sexuality reflects the influence of patriarchy in the construction of our sexuality , emphasizing the kindness that was expected of women, and that materialized in caring for and pleasing the other, putting the emotions, desires and needs of the other above those of the woman. Obviously, this concept of sexuality has been transformed, but as introduced in the article, there are still cultural creepers that slip under the door of our bedrooms and enter our privacy, which we must identify to enjoy a sexuality fury.

Being a subject means being free, being a protagonist and listening and attending to one's own desires . The two people that make up the couple (man-woman, woman-woman, man-man) must be subjects and therefore both needs, subjectivities and lasciviousness must be heard.

Principle 3: Full sexual awareness thanks to Mindfulness

Mindfulness is increasingly known, but little has been said about how much it benefits sexual practices, the usual practice of technique such as meditation or Mindfulness.

The rational and cognitive pressure that can exert our mind if it is not controlled during sexual intercourse, can generate automatic thoughts of insecurity ("I do not do too well", "sure you do not like") that triggers in the absence of erection (dysfunction erectile) in men,or difficulty in reaching orgasm (anorgasmia) in women.

Exercise your mind . Do not let it stop you from enjoying a full and satisfying sexuality.

Principle 4: Sexual generosity, shared pleasure

If both people can be subjects, it means that both can choose what to do, what to want, what to experience, what helps us to enjoy and what we can share . Desire, decide, experiment and enjoy, four verbs that lead to orgasm.

But it does not mean not to please the other party. Sexual relationships must be reciprocal, bidirectional, selfless and generous. That means that to enjoy a healthy sexuality as a couple, the pleasure of the other person has to increase your own pleasure, because it counts for you the enjoyment of the other party and yours in reverse, there is reciprocity . Only by considering relationships in this way can we talk about satisfying relationships.

Obviously if we are not mentalists we can not guess what excites the other person, so it will be important to continue reading the next and last principle.

Principle 5: Communicate, express and trust yourself

Joan Costa, comunicólogo and consultant of companies author of the book "The communication in action: Report on the new culture of the gestión", realizes the following affirmation: "The communication is action and the action is communication". Naturally, Costa uses it in business praxis, but I personally consider that we can also apply it in Sexuality and Human Relations in general. Communicate during sex is action and act is to communicate .

The complicity will be determined by our ability to communicate to the other person what is the path to our orgasm, observe, experiment and our ability to listen to it. Express yourself without prejudice. Without taboos, having confidence in oneself is decisive.

Trust is acquired through self-knowledge and experimentation. Both experiences lead us to feel safe, and for this reason many experts locate the sexual fullness from the 35 years . But as a psychologist, I disagree and believe that the reality is that today, thanks to cultural changes, and especially to the advances of Psychology, it is possible to enjoy sexuality with maturity well before the age of 35, and these five principles are the key to it

The Pleasure Principle: The Secret to a Better Sex Life | Laurie Betito | TEDxMontrealWomen (January 2022).

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