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5 differences between love and infatuation

5 differences between love and infatuation

December 4, 2020

Falling in love is a whirlwind of emotions so intense that, on occasion, people experience a feeling that they are not in control of anything they do or say and that they are helpless. This sense of chaos, normally, also extends to your ability to analyze your own feelings for that person.

And although love is something important, that does not mean that we are well prepared to identify it where it occurs. That's why it's very useful know the main differences between love and infatuation .

  • Related article: "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug"

Main differences between infatuation and love

If we have to create a theoretical distinction between infatuation and infatuation, this may be the following: in infatuation we are not attracted to the person, but to the idea that we have formed of that person, based largely on inventions and self-deception .


So, while in love despite the fact that the emotional bond is also basically irrational, it is based on the experiences lived together and not in the fictions, in the infatuation there is a kind of infatuation of a person that really only exists in our head and that superficially resembles someone real. That means that the only thing that gives us the person that really exists it's its appearance and its superficial appeal .

However… How to distinguish between infatuation and infatuation on a day-to-day basis? For this theoretical definitions do not serve much, taking into account that knowing how to recognize these phenomena in our day to day is complicated, especially when a part of our rationality has been hijacked by emotions.


Fortunately, there are some discoveries that allow us to find concrete differences between falling in love and infatuation. Let's see what they are.

1. The visual contact

Something as simple as looking into each other's eyes in a sustained way is able to reinforce lasting affective bonds, such as those that are proper to love. That's why the time you spend establishing mutual visual contact spontaneously it is an indicator of the strength of loving ties. In fact, in the types of attraction based simply on the physical, the gaze is directed more at other areas of the body, especially those that have an erotic charge.

By the way, the strengthening of the bonds of love through the action of looking into each other's eyes is even between humans and some of the domestic animals they care for, as you can see in this article: "Can there be love between species? ? An investigation supports the "yes". "


2. You use the "we" almost as much as the "me"

Love is not only reflected in what we do, but also exerts an effect on what we say; both in the content of our speech, and in the ways in which we express it. That's why it makes sense to look at if the first person of the plural is used more than normal When you talk about what you feel about the relationship.

This indicates that it has gone from a totally personal perspective to another in which the shared has gained importance. Something else is spoken from the point of view of the couple, an entity that is more than the sum of two independent persons one from the other.

3. Your personalities are similar

Contrary to popular culture, the opposite poles do not attract , or at least statistically, they do not tend to do so during long-term relationships. The difficulties involved in relating a lot to someone whose habits, customs and behavior patterns are far from their own wear out the relationships.

However, it is not unusual to be infatuated with people very different from oneself, since they present an exotic component that, at a first glance, generates interest and curiosity, or even a touch of exclusivity due to the "strangeness" of the other person.

  • Related article: "Are polar opposites really attracted?"

4. You have related very little and already fantasize about the relationship

The defining element of infatuation is the idealization . As little is known about the other person, we fill gaps in knowledge about her with absolutely optimistic fantasies about her. And, although we do not realize, those fantasies go on to mark the way in which we perceive the actions of that person; that's why something we would find ridiculous if our cousin did it seems adorable to us if that special someone does it.

In addition, there is evidence that part of the special attraction that is attributed to other people comes simply from the fact that "they are new", we did not know them before and they arrive at a time when we are predisposed to find a partner . This is closely related to a psychological phenomenon observed in mammals in general: the Coolidge effect, by which one seeks to have relationships with new individuals.

5. It seems good to sacrifice yourself for the relationship

In infatuation it is less frequent to show predisposition to make sacrifices for the relationship, while in love it is relatively normal in statistical terms. However, it is important to note that it's not about sacrifices for the other person, but for the relationship , the unit that forms the emotional bond that unites these people. Otherwise, it would always be the same person who would commit his time, resources and efforts to do favors to the other, so we would be talking about an asymmetric toxic relationship.


Difference Between Love and Infatuation (December 2020).


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