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5 habits that feed our insecurities

5 habits that feed our insecurities

November 29, 2022

In theory and in practice, nobody is perfect. We all have imperfections, weaknesses and "blind spots" in our repertoire of virtues, and that's no problem. What is a problem, however, is what happens when our perception of these defects generates insecurities that keep us scared and without wanting to leave a very restricted comfort zone.

Unfortunately, this insecurity with different facets is something that we internalize unconsciously if we get used to participating in certain ways of interacting with others and with the environment that surrounds us.

These cracks in our self-esteem do not appear because , but they depend on the experiences we go through and generate. Not everything is lost: as insecurities are learned, we can also unlearn them until they are insignificant and small enough so that they do not affect us too much. They will never go away completely, since our emotional memory can hardly be reset, but in the end, mental health has to do with how functional we are, not whether we are perfect.


  • Related article: "Low self-esteem? When you become your worst enemy"

Habits that intensify our insecurities

Next we will see several of the most frequent habits that inflame our insecurities and make them continue to perpetuate over time.

1. Maintain dependency relationships

This type of human relationships are often significantly harmful during the time in which they take place, and are not only limited to the area of ​​the couple and romantic love.

Normally, these links have a person who, among their strategies to keep the other in a state of dependency , uses different formulas to feed the insecurities of the latter. For example, ridiculing their achievements, joking their proposals, etc.


  • Maybe you're interested: "How to deal with criticism in 5 steps"

2. Exposing to highly stressful contexts

Experiencing frequent anxiety has very different negative repercussions on our physical and mental health. Among these unintended consequences, is to see how our efforts and our ability to concentrate on tasks are not enough to achieve the desired objectives, so we fail many times and make foolish mistakes.

Of course, part of these insecurities are based on the objective fact that we show worse performance in many tasks , but that is not a consequence of what we are, but of the circumstances that we are going through. Therefore, by not submitting to that amount of stress, it is easier for our perception of ourselves to adjust more to reality and not lead to pessimism.


3. Compare with idealized people

This is one of the habits most related to insecurity. And is that since we live in the information society, it is increasingly common to compare with people who basically do not exist, since they are very "filtered" representations of real users of a social network that show only the good and do not show what they perceive as their own defects, or are representations of fictitious people created from the work of marketing departments working from the real material contributed by celebrities (singers, models, etc.).

Therefore, it is very necessary to be aware of the existence of these filters for avoid that our self-esteem and our self-concept do not depend on the comparisons with these mirages .

4. Avoid problems

There are those who, at the slightest sign that a stressful event can occur, do their best to avoid exposing themselves to it, even if facing that situation is clearly positive or necessary given some circumstances, even if it is to tempt fate and give us the opportunity to that our situation improves. In these cases, those who have already become accustomed to this dynamics that generate insecurities, they rationalize their fear of leaving the comfort zone in order to justify their passivity : "I do not need to make that call, anyway I know that you will reject me", for example.

Assuming this behavior as normal does nothing but promote the tendency to maintain a low profile, oblivious to any kind of ambition, and very exposed to fears based on the fear of not being good enough to achieve what we would like to achieve.

5. Base self-esteem on criticism

There are those who only find a way to reaffirm themselves ** criticizing others or making fun of them **. This not only harms others; In addition, it makes self-esteem depend on these constant attacks. On the other hand, if the direction of those criticisms is ever reversed, it is much more vulnerable, because that self-image based on moral superiority vanishes.

Build a healthy self-esteem

As we have seen, self-esteem and our way of valuing ourselves depends mainly on how we interact with our environment . Having this clear is fundamental to not assume that insecurities arise from oneself in an isolated way, as if they were part of its essence.


The cure for the insecure by Joyce Meyer (November 2022).


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