5 habitual mistakes that affect the psychological well-being of people
Nobody likes to experience dislikes, sufferings and difficulties; even less when this discomfort comes exclusively from the interpretation we draw from the events we face on a day to day basis. There are small habits that we fall into without realizing and that, in practice, negatively affect our levels of well-being .
- Related article: "Positive Psychology: how can you be really happy?"
Errors when interpreting life
¿What mistakes we usually make in the interpretation of this type of situations What do we get upset?
1. External attributions: Responsibility vs. victimhood. Blame another person or thing for my misfortunes
One of the most controversial aspects in the development of people's well-being and probably the first step that needs to be taken to achieve it consists of become aware of the role that each one plays in their suffering . If I do not consider myself guilty of it, I usually experience the relief of that guilt, which translates into dangerous innocence. Dangerous because, if I am not able to understand my responsibility in the interpretations we make about our sufferings, I will continue to experience them, even though I attribute responsibility (which does not blame) to others.
When we assume a responsibility, we understand that there may be a factor beyond our control that effectively contributes to our experience of discomfort; But we also understand that part of that experience is how I deal with that situation, not just the situation itself. It is at that moment that I focus on what depends on me to change when I really start to get it . What does not depend on me does not deserve my attention, because no matter how much time I spend thinking about it, I will probably never be able to change it.
- Perhaps you are interested: "Theories of causal attribution: definition and authors"
2. Management of attention: Consciousness "on time" vs Consciousness "off time".
According to the English speakers, there is a way to call the thoughts by classifying them into two categories.
When these refer to things that are not happening at that precise moment (painful memories, imaginations, anxieties or worries) they are related to an "Off time of our attention" management. Everything that has already happened or is about to happen, that generates us states of suffering and does not contribute anything else, are manifestations of a dysfunctional style of thought, in contrast to the management "on time", based on the present .
In these times there is a great popular curiosity for practices such as meditation or modern mindfulness, which fundamentally promote the intentional use of attention, directed towards the present moment, or attention style "On time", which refers to allocate all our resources towards the present situation .
When we immerse ourselves in a task, we entertain ourselves or have fun doing something, there is no space to go back or travel towards some uncertain future.
3. Objectives based on self-demand: I have vs I want
Sometimes, people who experience greater discomfort are people who consider themselves highly ambitious and who set goals based on the need to achieve the highest levels of performance, turning any type of error, however small, into a kind of universal catastrophe. These people are considered highly demanding , because they consider that this is the only possible way to reach the highest goals and they frequently become frustrated and lose their personal confidence, due to their intolerance to error.
The great step in this path is to understand that there are other ways of walking. What not everything can be achieved , and much less is the obligation to get anything.
When we base an objective on the obligation to achieve it, we lose the ability to enjoy the process and even of its product or result, because we were obliged to achieve it and felt the pressure to fail ("that's what I had to do"). However, if we look at environments of high excellence, such as the field of engineering, goals of continuous improvement or efficiency are set, which consist of adopting other types of approaches.
Here it is about improving, knowing that what we do today, good or bad, can be improved tomorrow. What An error is not a failure, but a learning , and that a good management of motivation pushes us to pursue objectives that are truly desired (based on what is wanted), instead of what we are obligated to do (what we "have" to do).
4. Negative self-referential beliefs: I am what I believe vs I believe what I am
One of the biggest mistakes we can make in the management of our emotional states of well-being, is to think that we are in a certain way, because when we claim to be that way, normally negative, we assume this as something permanent and personal ("I am A) Yes").
If I am what I think I am, and I think it's something negative, I will be limiting myself , at least for as long as it maintains this negative self-referential belief. I like more to think that our way of being has to do with our way of doing things and therefore, if I think I can do things differently, I will be able to be and feel different.
That way of doing things differently, it is a way of creating the sense of one's being , which obviously gives us the ability to improve ourselves, to learn and to improve. If I am what I believe, I leave little space to create what I can be.
5. Poor attitudinal management: Pessimism and fear vs. Optimism and motivation
Emotions are sometimes like the waves of the sea. If the sea is calm, my well-being goes off, and vice versa. If the sea comes brave, my well-being fades. It's true, we can not decide how the waves will come, but what we can do is learn to navigate in front of them.
That learning to navigate, basically consists of taking according to what type of interpretations of the various situations that we will have to face at a certain moment in our life.
The pessimist wants to see everything black where there is only one mole, while the optimist knows how to broaden his perspective , finding readings that assume the difficulty and focusing on those interpretations of the situations that contribute the most to their well-being experience. It does not necessarily mean that everything can be positive, but to focus on what is important. From this negative experience .... what could I get or how could I assimilate it for my own development?
And you, do you also make mistakes?
