5 stages through which loving couples pass by
The beginning of the end of a relationship may be happening without we have yet realized it ; Many times, the first signs of change are subtle. It is usually after the break when it comes to remembering and understanding what has happened, the way in which events have happened to the point of producing such a complicated experience to face as a break. Thinking about our past relationships in retrospect does not make them rebuild again, but helps us close wounds.
Now, in addition to thinking about the ruptures in the past, we can also try to predict them, recognize their first manifestations effectively . Having the option of knowing if we are in a process of rupture can be very useful to evaluate the health status of the relationship and, in addition, to see with perspective the relationship you have with the couple.
A scale on the stages of the rupture
Of course, it can not be said that there are a series of phases whose first stages make us irremediably fall into a spiral whose only possible ending is the rupture, but it is possible to distinguish different situations that make us more or less likely to consider leaving to our partner
For this, a team of psychologists from the University of Tennessee headed by Kathrin Ritter they have developed a scale in which the 5 phases through which the relations pass are considered that are more likely to be ending. The name of this tool is Stages of Change in Relationship Status (SOCRS) and can be very useful in both couples therapy, and is based on James Prochaska's theory of change.
The SOCRS was initially developed to examine the extent to which people involved in online dating based on fear and violence were close to ending these toxic relationships. However, it has also been shown that it is reliable to evaluate the possibilities of ending a relationship with or without physical or psychological violence in it.
This scale was designed after passing questionnaires with 83 items to a series of people and to decide what kind of issues were most used or meaningful to describe the state of the relationship. After this process, a simplified version of these questionnaires was created.
Is this scale effective?
To test its effectiveness, this research team made a series of young people with a couple fill in the SOCRS questionnaires. Two months later, these people had to fill out the questionnaire again. Thus, after 2 months, it could be verified if the people who according to the scale were in an advanced phase of rupture at the first moment were more likely to have broken with their relationship or to be about to do it after 2 months . The volunteers who participated in the study were young people around 20 years old, so it was not strange that their relationships lasted an average of one year and, after 2 months, many couples had cut.
The results showed that, effectively, the scale was useful to estimate the chances of the relationship ending in the near future depending on which of the 5 phases each person was in. In addition, a disturbing incidence of relationships with physical or verbal violence was observed: 79% of people admitted to committing acts of physical or verbal violence against their partner at some time.
The 5 stages of the rupture according to the SOCRS
These are the 5 phases that couples go through when they finish. What is your relationship?
Factor 1: Precontemplation
In this phase the person is not aware of having any problems especially in their relationship . The items on the scale that correspond to this phase are these:
1. I am happy with my relationship as it is.
2. My relationship is fine, there is no need to change it.
3. My relationship is not so bad.
4. I do not need to do anything about my relationship.
Factor 2: Contemplation
In this phase the person begins to think about aspects of their relationship that should change . Your items are these:
5. Sometimes I think I should end my relationship.
6. I think my relationship is not healthy for me.
7. I begin to see that my relationship is a problem.
8. I begin to notice the harmful effect of my relationship.
Factor 3: Preparation
In this phase the person You have already made the decision to make the relationship end . The items that define this stage are the following:
9. Although it is difficult to end my relationship, I am making plans to do it anyway.
10. I've started working on ending the relationship, but I need some help.
11. I will try to end my relationship during the next month.
12I will try to end my relationship very soon, but I am not sure of the best way to do it.
Factor 4: Action
In this phase the person He has already begun to execute his plans without making excuses or postponing his objectives . The items are:
13. I have told my partner that I want to end the relationship.
14. I talk less with my partner when we are alone.
15. I have started spending more time with other people and less with my partner.
16. I notice that every time I think less about my partner.
Factor 5: Maintenance
In this phase the person acts in a coherent manner with the end of their relationship transforming it into a daily reality . The items are:
17. I have changed my daily routine to avoid any relationship with my partner.
18. I avoid places where I know I will see my partner.
19. I have removed objects belonging to my partner, or taken measures to get rid of elements that remind me of this person.
20. I will never go back with my partner.