8 questions to ask yourself before breaking up with your partner
If something characterizes the world of romantic relationships It is his irrational and passionate character. When we fall in love, we gain another way to get excited and experience life intensely, but we also lose some ability to make rational decisions. This is partly due to a change in the functioning of our brain when falling in love invades us, something that has caused love to be understood as something similar to a drug.
Of course, this "loss" of reasoning does not have to be a drama. In many cases, by empathizing with the other person, we have a very valuable second opinion that helps us keep our feet on the ground. However, many times the problems come when you have to take a rational decision about the future of the couple's own relationship.
In cases where we plan to end our courtship or marriages We are alone, and as much as we are going to do affects the person for whom we feel many things (and very complicated) the opinions that really matter are ours. How to make a well-founded decision on the subject?
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Questions to ask before ending a relationship
There is no universal solution valid for all people: each person is a world and the circumstances we live in are unique.
However, these questions to know if you should break You can be very helpful in reflecting on what you feel.
1. Did I reach that person looking for an "ideal couple" model?
This question is useful to know if more than being with a person of flesh and blood, we have started a relationship with a supposed prototype of the couple we had been looking for, that is, someone who apparently conforms to the preconceived ideas of how it should be that boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, etc. Sometimes, Expectations too rigid (not high) are more a problem than a help in our emotional lives.
2. Do I learn from that person?
One of the reasons for being in a relationship is to feel emotionally, intellectually and even existentially stimulated by the other person. Therefore, before breaking it is good to ask if it has reached a definitive stalemate or if it gives us the feeling that it is still possible to continue growing together.
3. Do I consider breaking for something that strikes me and I do not understand?
Sometimes, the doubts of whether to cut or not arise when something happens suddenly that puts into question everything we thought we knew about the other person (an infidelity, for example). It is worth remembering that there are no natural laws that say "when this happens, it must be broken". What matters is your perception of those facts, and that's why it's important that if you think you do not understand something, give them the opportunity to clarify something else.
4. Is a dogma enslaving me?
This question is related to the previous one. There are times that instead of making decisions freely, we react to ideas that oneself self-imposes on their own identity, without any apparent reason beyond having a very delimited and stable self-concept . Although it seems a lie, sometimes there are situations that seen from outside seem absurd but who lives in the first person is taken very seriously.
For example, perhaps in the past we promised ourselves that the couple should get along with our friends, because of an extremely romantic vision of things that came to be transformed into a dogma of life.
- Related article: "Self-concept: what is it and how is it formed?"
5. Am I in a toxic relationship?
It is important to take a distant perspective and ask if we are in a toxic relationship, that is, one in which at least one of the members of the relationship commits some type of abuse against the other or find pleasure in making her feel bad .
- Related article: "23 signs that you have a 'toxic relationship' of a partner"
6. Am I in a situation of relative calm?
When considering whether or not to break the relationship, it is necessary to make sure that you are not going through a peak of stress. Acute phases of anxiety not only make us lose perspective of things, they even have a marked influence on our ability to memorize facts that happen to us, so that we can deform so much past events that we create false memories.
7. Can I be pressured by others?
In some cases, it is possible that the pressure of other people pushes us to have problems with our partner. For example, the refusal of a father or a mother to accept the couple for religious reasons, for racism, etc. In these cases you have to be clear that yes there is a problem, but this is not in the love relationship but in the relationship with those people who press from outside.
8Do I trust my own decision-making capacity?
Sometimes we give a lot of thought to something simply because we start from the idea that everything we think is very questionable and possibly false. Sometimes, this leads us to give too much importance to the opinion of others. It is essential to be clear that no one knows a person better than herself, and therefore the most formed criterion has one, about his own life.