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A lifetime in the day of a sexologist

A lifetime in the day of a sexologist

June 24, 2021

My interest in sexology comes from my childhood . Obviously, I did not have it identified with a specific name, but for me, all the processes of sexuality seemed fascinating to me. I must have been almost a nightmare for my mother, with all the questions she asked her and many times I answered anything. The first thing that came to mind.

I once took a guantazo for expressing my doubts related to sex aloud. There, my mother, rather than telling me the first thing that came to mind, simply reacted automatically. For her, The whole issue of sex and sexuality had always been a taboo .

I have never felt special interest in the forbidden, but in the unknown. My curiosity has often surpassed me and, by the time I fully realized what was happening, I had succumbed to curiosity. This, despite feeling almost always intense fear. But not enough to stop me.


I have been working in the field of sexology since 1982. During all this time, I have heard thousands of stories about the sexual life of my patients. Sometimes, when they ask me about it, I usually answer that I'm worth more for what I call than for what I tell . It is true.

  • Related article: "5 basic principles to enjoy a full and satisfactory sexuality"

The work of the sexologist

My first job as a psychologist was in a prison for minors, and I was in charge of the inmates accused of sexual crimes. I chained this one up with another job in a prison for adult men and women. I took advantage of this experience to do my undergraduate thesis, which was the result of a research study with men and women who prostituted themselves in the huge city of Mexico.


Every week I receive patients with stories that can be unlikely for the ordinary citizen. I never tire of saying that reality (in my experience) exceeds fiction. I have heard the testimony of hundreds of patients with paraphilias. It seems that there are as many types of paraphilias, or more, as there are people.

I have developed an important part of my work to help patients suffering from sex addiction. Thanks to them, I have verified that Fantasy is capable of generating an altered state of consciousness . This produces a certain comfort in the mind of the person and the latter wishes to accommodate himself and thus escape from his reality. In the case of the consumption of substances, it is the effect of these substances that produces the altered state of consciousness. It is also possible to generate an altered state of consciousness through sexual fantasy.

  • Maybe you're interested: "The 9 main sexual and psychosexual disorders"

The need for sex education and training

The work in consultation includes the remedy of suffering for sexual reasons, as well as the optimization of pleasure. The need to educate sexually is a constant. Almost all people have received a sex education and this has been bad. Unconsciously, adults, parents, educators, etc., issue messages continuously and repeatedly, that sex is something bad, sinful, dirty, indecent , vulgar ...


The genitals often symbolize all possible sexual activity between humans and in most families it is forbidden to touch them. Many times it is also forbidden to show them and see them. In Western societies in general, they are hidden and even censored.

All this, combined with other aspects, causes confusion, pressure and problems in people who are forced to ask for professional sexological help. The most common reasons for consultation are male dysfunction (erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, anaejaculation ...) and female dysfunctions (anorgasmia, vaginismus, dyspareunia ...).

Therapy due to lack of sexual desire is a constant complaint by individuals and couples. Due to problems derived from paraphilias or from addiction to sex, there may also be a need for sexological help. What to say about the victims of sexual abuse.


Being a sexologist is fascinating and there is no week in which I do not find something that surprises me: a new challenge. It is extremely comforting to be able to help patients who come with any sexological problem or relationship. It is satisfactory to verify that when a patient wants, it is possible to help him solve his problem and make him happier.

A person who is professionally dedicated to the sexological consultation He is usually a psychologist or doctor . In addition, she has specialized in sexology and sex therapy through a master's degree course or similar. It is a profession that requires continuous updating, as there is more and more information and ways to solve sexual problems.Attending conferences is important to interact with other sexologists and learn about the latest advances.


The activist facet of the profession

As a sexology professional, it is also important to carry out dissemination work, whether participating in educational campaigns or teaching classes. Another important aspect is activism in defense of sexual rights .

Personally, I have had the opportunity to work in a monitoring committee for the respect of sexual rights in the world through the WAS. This can include participating in campaigns in which thousands of messages and emails are sent to specific governments or institutions. It is about letting them know that we are watching them and pressing them to respect the sexual rights of a specific person.

Recall that, for example, in a number of countries the rights of women or those of the LGTBI collective are not being respected. Through this type of action we have managed to stop the squandering of some specific women or the release of gay men imprisoned because of their sexual orientation.


Two stories that mark

If I had to tell the stories that have impacted me the most, I would highlight one or two, but there are many more. The first one occurred in my first job, in the prison for minors . There I met a child under 16, who had strangled his father. When he told me his story, I could only empathize with him.

According to him, one day he was playing in the street with some friends, very close to his house. Then his father, who was passing by and was in a deep state of drunkenness, saw him having fun and, with blows, took him back home. When arriving there, the father began to mistreat his wife and daughters, to the extreme of trying to rape one of the minors.

Then the 16-year-old boy, remembering the many times he had mistreated them and the times when he had raped his sisters, felt very angry and rushed towards his father, strangulating him. He said he did not regret it and that he would do it again if it meant that his mother and sisters would stop suffering. If only suffering stops there! His eyes shone and widened in anger when he told me his story. I remember it like it was yesterday.

The other case that I would highlight also has elements of violence , but it has a series of ingredients that should be remembered. It was a boy of 20 years who comes to the consultation plunged in anxiety and having suffered some panic attacks. He was about to leave Spain for an Erasmus program, and he was worried about having these problems there, too. His story is moving.

He told me that he was very afraid of being sexually attracted to his dog ... After deep therapeutic work, I discovered that the boy was really gay and that, when he was little, his father tortured him in a peculiar way.

When the son did not obey, the father beat the dog, which was the adoration of the child : empathized with the dog and suffered to see how his father mistreated his beloved pet. He was about to suffer a psychotic outbreak, which fortunately could be stopped. Among the causes of his state was an extremely strict, controlling and punitive education.

Obviously, professional experience helps greatly to be formed. I feel fortunate to have spent decades studying and dedicating myself to sexology.


The Pleasure Principle: The Secret to a Better Sex Life | Laurie Betito | TEDxMontrealWomen (June 2021).


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