Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication
Who has not heard about assertiveness? Lately this term is used a lot, but do you really know what it is?
Communication can be passive, aggressive or assertive , an intermediate point that constitutes one of the keys to success in life.
Why I want to talk about assertiveness
A few days ago I was sitting on the terrace of a bar eating quietly until I was bothered by the behavior of the manager; he aggressively addressed a waitress, and it was not only what he said but how he said it .
At that moment the blushed face of the girl stayed and the hurry that was falling after that shower, and more in public. Inevitably I remembered situations in which they have treated me the same and communicated something to me with aggression.
I realized that when I remembered it, what made me feel worse was to have communicated with passivity, that is, to allow different people in my life to violate me with their way of speaking to me.
But nevertheless, my communication style changed when I learned to be assertive . For this reason I want to talk about assertive communication.
- Related article: "Assertive people: 10 characteristics they have in common"
What is assertiveness?
Assertiveness implies being able to express our thoughts, feelings, emotions and decisions firmly, respecting ourselves and others .
Therefore, if we are assertive we do not allow others to decide for us and ignore our ideas, contributions and values. By doing this we are communicating passively. We can also, on the contrary, impose our ideas without taking anyone into account; This is what is known as aggressive communication.
However, communication is not only important what is said, but the way of saying things is as much or more.
Ways to improve communication
Learning assertive communication techniques, that is, allowing you to respect and respect others, is essential to achieve your goals or objectives and to feel good with you and with others .
Here are some techniques to help you develop or improve your assertive communication. They are simple habits with which, little by little, we will notice that our interactions flow as they never had before.
1. Understand that nobody can read your mind
Maybe you think your partner knows that you want to go to the cinema to see a premiere, that your family and friends know how much it bothers you when they show up at your house without warning or that your boss knows you want a promotion.
Probably in many occasions you get angry and frustrated when you see that they do not please you or respect you, and these emotions generate that you communicate with aggressiveness or, on the contrary, with passivity, opting for an attitude and for a style of communication that ends damaging you and your relationship with others.
If you want people to take your wishes and needs into account, say what they are, expressing yourself in a way that others do not feel attacked or offended .
2. Identify what you want and seek to achieve it
Start by identifying your own needs, desires, goals or objectives. Do not expect anyone to identify them, let alone satisfy them, in your place.
Find a way to get what you want without harming others, and if you need help, ask for it openly .
3. Use phrases with "me"
If you use first-person phrases reaffirm your ideas, opinions, emotions , wishes and rights. In addition, you will let others know what you think without sounding accusation.
For example, it is generally more appropriate and respectful to say "I do not agree" than "You are wrong".
4. Learn to listen
Communicating assertively implies knowing listen correctly and actively . This is only possible with an open attitude towards the message that the other person transmits to us.
Remember: others have the right to think and feel differently than you do.
5. Learn to say "no"
Learn to be aware of your right to say "no" without feeling guilty or forced to give explanations and excuses. In the same way, others also have the right to say "no" to you.
- Related article: "Assertiveness and seduction: 9 tricks to improve your communication"
Benefits of assertive communication
Surely it motivates you more and more to communicate assertively as you are experiencing the following benefits:
- Increase self-esteem and safety; the people who are able to communicate assertively they have a healthy self-esteem .
- It helps you have more confidence in who you are and in what you express.
- Improve your emotional well-being
- It makes you mature because in communication flows respect and not the search for reason.
- Help build healthy and constructive social relationships and avoid attracting toxic people (or worse, that you become one).
- It allows you to reach your personal goals, thus avoiding emotional discomfort.
- It enables you to mark your own limits.
- It helps you to judge your own needs, Set your priorities and make your decisions .
- It makes it easy to understand mistakes, both your own and those of others. Assertive communication makes us more human.
In conclusion
Probably this article would be of great help to the person in charge of whom I spoke to you at the beginning of the article, and not only to acquire the ability to communicate assertively.
Through this valuable tool for life we acquire indirectly leadership skills and teamwork, empathy , self-esteem and, ultimately, emotional well-being.
