Assertiveness to seduce: 9 tricks to improve your communication
Appointments are always a potential trigger of stress and anxiety. The need to like the other person and avoid rejection , they play tricks on us, making us forget our values and ourselves.
Assertiveness to improve communication
Have a assertive communication it will help us to be able to show ourselves adequately avoiding falling into servitude and into unattractive attitudes and behaviors that make us weak and submissive. We can, therefore, communicate much better and get to connect emotionally with the person in front of us.
But what is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is a type of communication in which the person does not attack or submit to the will of others; a way of expressing oneself appropriately and congruently within the context and with oneself. It is useful to defend our ideas and rights without hurting or harming others, always acting from self-confidence.
Next, we will give you nine tips that will serve you to communicate assertively in your appointments and will help you to have the success and confidence you need so that your appointments become a comfortable context in which to build a healthy and quality relationship.
1. Know yourself
To start communicating what we like and what we do not, it is very important to know what we like and what we do not like. Although, it seems obvious, many times we get carried away by others and our impulsiveness, without taking into account our attitude and our values. A good exercise to start thinking is to make a list; in the column on the right we put the things that we like and in the one on the left those that we dislike.
2. Do not limit yourself
Having a belief system that plays in our favor will help us to relate positively with others. Being distrustful will limit us and cause a permanent feeling of stress in us. We have to find the way to feel good about ourselves to be able to be with others. Finding ways of thinking that do not make us fall into negativity and pessimism will help us overcome our social fear and make us more extroverted people and overcome shyness.
3. What do you want to do?
It is legitimate to think what we want to do. Trying to please our date will only make us forget about us in a negative way and it will show us weak and subservient. It is important reach consensus . Let's not forget that we have to be comfortable. We should not confuse it with selfishness; it is simply about not being disgusted in a place or doing an activity that we do not really like. After all, the only thing we are doing is taking responsibility for ourselves. We have to take it as a negotiation, never as an imposition.
4. Do not suppress yourself
If we do not like something, it is good that we say it without fear. It is much worse to shut up and contain ourselves. It's okay to disagree with someone. On the contrary, expressing our opinions and values in an open manner will help us show us how we are and it will give us self-confidence . We do not have to be afraid to express our tastes, be they musical, cinematographic or botanical. All these information, in addition, will be useful for the other person and will serve as a guide to treat us better and with greater assertiveness.
5. Talk about how you feel
If at any time we have been upset or have felt bad about any comment or action, it is good to comment, not to throw it in the face, but so that the error does not happen again and avoid future problems . We have the right to be pleased and not to feel assaulted.
6. Listen actively
Paying attention to what the other person tells us will serve as a guide to know how to treat it. But it is not only important to pay attention to the information transmitted. The tone of voice, will give us information of emotional state of the person. There are many ways to say I love you; It is not the same as telling us shrieking to be whispered to us. The way they tell us things will help us understand what they want to tell us.
7. Live and let live
There must be reciprocity in the deal. Everyone has the right to be well treated and that means that, in some way, we are obliged to treat others well. We must Respect the likes and opinions of our appointment and, if we do not like them, we must learn to communicate it without offending or attacking the other person.
8. Look, think, think
The cornerstone of assertive communication and any communication lies in knowing how to adapt the message to the person who will receive it. Observe the behavior of others , and correctly reading your non-verbal language, will help us to know how they are and we will learn to know when and how to say things. We are not sentencing machines.Showing our opinion and communicating it in an appropriate way to the context and our relationship with the interlocutor will be the most effective way of not falling into aggression or imposition and we will make it comfortable, and we will be creating a framework of trust.
9. Excuse yourself
Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes, we will offend without wanting to. It's okay to ask for a cordial apology. Humans are not perfect machines, we make mistakes just like cats and pandas. If at some point we do not act assertively, nothing happens. Apologize with sincerity By reducing the importance of our error, it will help others to realize that we are human. In this way, to excuse the mistakes of others, will help us to be more assertive and confident because others are human like us.
In short, we do not have to be afraid to say our opinions as long as we show them consistently without imposing anything on anyone. We have the right to be well treated and act accordingly to our demands. Positive thoughts will help us overcome shyness and they will make us lose the fear of being judged and having to defend ourselves from others. Observing others and knowing how to treat them will facilitate our communication and help us to express our opinion without fear of offending or being judged.