yes, therapy helps!
Chronic victimhood: people who complain about vice

Chronic victimhood: people who complain about vice

June 13, 2024

Any person, in any situation of his life, has had to assume the role of victim . Most of the time, this role is assumed based on objective facts that justify that we may feel more vulnerable or helpless.

Victimism as a personality

However, there are people who show chronic victimhood : they are in a permanent state of complaints and unfounded complaints. These individuals hide behind a victim personality , although some of them adopt this attitude unconsciously. In this way they are released from any responsibility in their actions and blame the rest of what happens to them.


Maintaining this type of attitude for a long period of time that we have called "chronic victimhood" is not in itself a pathology classified in the DSM-5, but could lay the psychological foundations that could end up developing a paranoid personality disorder. This happens because the person persistently blames others for the bad things that happen to him.

Victimism and pessimism go hand in hand

This way of facing the day to day can bring more negative consequences. One of the clearest prejudices is the pessimistic view of life that leads to chronic victimization, as it creates an environment of discomfort and mistrust both for the person who always complains and for the people around them, who feel unfairly treated.


In a large number of cases, the person who shows this tendency towards chronic victimization ends up feeding a series of bad feelings, such as anger or anger, which can degenerate into a aggressive victimhood. The aggressive victimizer not only blames others and regrets everything, but can also adopt aggressive and violent attitudes, intolerance and contempt for the physical and moral integrity of people who are considered guilty for some reason.

How are the victimizers?

But, What personality traits and recurrent attitudes do these people make? Let's get to know them through the following points.

1) Systematically deform reality

People with chronic victimization sincerely believe that all the blame for what happens to them is the fault of other people; never assume any responsibility for their actions . The underlying problem is that they see reality in a distorted way, with an external locus of control. They tend to think that both positive things and bad moments depend on causes external to their will.


It is also true that they often unconsciously exaggerate the negative, so that they fall into a strong pessimism that prevents them from seeing the positive things in life.

2) Constant lament reinforces them

The victimized individuals they believe that their personal situation is due to the bad acts of others and the circumstances , therefore they do not feel responsible for anything that happens to them. Consequently, they spend the day lamenting, to the point that they find an important reinforcement to their attitude in lament and complaint, assuming their role as victims and trying to draw attention to their environment.

They are not able to ask to help anyone, they just complain about their bad luck to run into undesirables. This is nothing other than a unconscious search for attention and protagonism .

3) Your goal is to find guilty

The status of permanent victim It is also very associated with a distrustful attitude . They believe that others are always moved by spurious interests and act in bad faith against them. For this reason, they inspect to the millimeter any detail or gesture of the people around them, trying to discover a grievance, however small or non-existent, to reinforce themselves in their role as victims.

By acting like this, they end up reaffirming their personality and are very susceptible to the treatment that others give them , exaggerating any small detail to a pathological limit.

4) Null self-criticism

They are not capable of self-criticism about their attitude or actions. People with chronic victimhood are fully convinced that they are not to blame for anything, with which they do not conceive that nothing in them is reprehensible or improvable . As already mentioned, they hold other people responsible, they are incapable of accepting any criticism and, of course, they are far from being able to reflect on their attitude or actions in order to improve in some aspect of their lives.

They are intolerant of faults and defects of other people, but their own mistakes perceive them as insignificant and, in any case, justifiable.

The tactics used by victimizers

When there is a person who assumes the role of victim, there must be another that is perceived as guilty . To this end, chronic victims employ a series of tactics and strategies to get another person to feel guilty.

If we ignore this modus operandi of the victims it is easier for us to fall into their mental framework and to convince ourselves that all the fault is ours.

1. Rhetoric and oratory of the victim

It is very usual that this type of people try to ridicule and disqualify any argument from your "enemy" . However, they do not try to refute the adversary on the basis of better data or arguments, but rather they disqualify and try to make the other person assume the role of "attacker".

How do they get it? Assuming the role of victim in the discussion, so that the adversary remains as an authoritarian person, with little empathy and even aggressive. This point is known in the discipline that studies the arguments as "centrist rhetoric", since it is a tactic that aims to present the enemy as a radical, instead of refuting or improving their arguments. In this way, every argument of the opposing side is only a demonstration of aggressiveness and extremism.

If they are cornered by an affirmation or an irrefutable piece of information, the victimist will not answer with arguments or provide other information but will say something like this: "You always attack me, are you telling me I'm lying?" Or "I do not like you imposing your point of view".

2. The "withdrawal in time" of the victim

Sometimes, the speech of the victimized person is focused on evading his responsibility to try to avoid having to recognize a fault or ask for forgiveness for something he has done wrong. To do this, he will try to get out of the situation as best he can. The most common strategy, in addition to disqualifying the interlocutor's argument (see point 1), consists of Drain the bundle to not recognize that he was wrong in his posture .

How do they get it? Assuming the role of victim and manipulating the situation so that the interaction enters a spiral of confusion. This means that the victim tries to project his mistakes towards the adversary.

For example, if in the thread of a discussion, the opponent provides a verified and reliable data that contradicts the position of the victimizing person, the latter will not recognize that he was wrong. Instead, he will try to withdraw using these typical phrases. "This data does not contradict what I said. Please, to confuse us with numbers that are irrelevant " or "You are blaming me for having given my simple opinion, it does not make sense to keep arguing with someone like that". And, after these words, it is normal for him to leave the place of events feeling "winner".

3. Emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is the last strategy most frequently used by chronic victims. When they know well the virtues and defects of their "adversary", They do not hesitate to manipulate their emotions to try to get away with it and show themselves as a victim . People who are victims have a great capacity to recognize emotions, and use the doubts and weaknesses of other people for their own benefit.

How do they get it? They are able to detect the weak points of their opponent and try to get the empathy that can be given to them. Thus, the situation is forged so that the other assumes the role of executioner and they take hold in the position of victims.

This type of attitude can materialize, for example, with that mother who tries to blame her son with phrases of the style: "With everything I always do for you, and so you pay me." Emotional blackmail is also a typical manipulation strategy for couple relationships. We explain it thoroughly in this article:

"Emotional blackmail: a way to manipulate your partner's feelings"

How to deal with such a person?

The main thing is that, if you have a chronic victim in your immediate circle, you can identify it. After, you have to try not to get entangled in your manipulation game . It is enough to let him know that his regrets are always the same and that the brave thing in this life is to try to find solutions. If you are willing to find solutions to your problems, we should lend a hand and let them know that we are with them, but we must also make it clear that we are not going to waste time listening to their complaints.

Being pragmatic, you should worry about yourself and avoid getting bad vibrations as much as possible. You must not accept that they try to make you feel guilty about their problems. It can only hurt your feelings if you let it have that power over you.


MLK Week Keynote Speaker Michelle Alexander (June 2024).


Similar Articles