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Digital infidelity: a new focus of couple conflicts

Digital infidelity: a new focus of couple conflicts

March 29, 2024

Beyond the typical alarmism that appears every time a new technological advance becomes popular, it is reasonable to think that, just as the use of smartphones and tablets increasingly influences our communication habits, it also exposes us to new risks and problems.

The so-called FOMO syndrome, for example, is a sample of it: we are afraid to stay "disconnected" from the network for a few hours, so we could be losing.

Something similar happens with the impact that the Internet has had on love and relationships.

On the one hand, we fantasize about the idea that at any time, from the comfort of home or from work, we could be initiating affective or sexual relationships, even with relative anonymity. On the other, it makes us start to fear the possibility of wasting time not knowing people through the network of networks ... and one of the results of this is digital infidelity . Not for nothing is it increasingly common that social networks like Facebook increasingly generate more divorces and breakdowns.


  • Related article: "Infidelity: the second most important problem in relationships"

Digital infidelity as a new temptation

Traditionally, one of the great pillars of monogamous relationships consisted in limiting the access of each member of the couple to encounters with people of the opposite sex. It was common to go to social acts as a couple, and a good excuse was needed to talk alone with people who could be seen as "competition".

Today, this rigidity no longer exists in most Western countries, but several studies show that this has not increased the frequency with which infidelities occur. constant access to the Internet .


Most people who have ended up having an affair outside of their relationship knowing people online did not start chatting with other people with the intention of being unfaithful. What usually happens is that this type of messages and chat sessions are seen as something secure, an environment in which everything is under control and with which you can "cut" at any time.

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A feeling of unreality

Many people do not believe that starting a conversation to flirt with others is an act of infidelity, but a game or simulation. However, the facts that often occur below belie this perspective of things. The possibility of connecting at any time with colleagues at work, friends or even strangers and the perception of the lack of risk of these practices are ingredients for which many people fall into temptation.


This type of accessibility is a trap that acts through a false sense of security: to believe that what happens on the Internet is not something real for the simple fact that it is seen on a screen. I mean, talking to someone in a way that would break the rules of marriage or the courtship that is taking place is a kind of fiction because is, just, writing words on a monitor . Something that is difficult to imagine that has a negative impact on the relationship and that, at the same time, is fun or stimulating.

On the other hand, it is such an insignificant action (or so it seems, at least) that it is easy to find a justification for it. For example, monotony and boredom, especially in the case of distance relationships in which there is little contact with the lover or in love, or sexual dissatisfaction with it. These elements can be seen as a grievance to compensate with something as simple as talking to other people on the Internet .

In this kind of reasoning, then, digital infidelity can be seen even as something that saves marriage, or that makes the relationship more stable and healthy. It does not even become a lesser evil, but a piece totally integrated in that courtship.

  • Related article: "Psychological profile of the unfaithful person, in 5 major features"

What to do to avoid it?

Regarding digital infidelity, the best thing you can do is to avoid risks and start by assuming that certain types of contacts through the Internet also violate the agreed rules of the relationship based on monogamy. It is not for nothing that it is a practice that is actively and passively hidden from the other person.

Thus, it is important to start by avoiding ambiguous situations and at the same time exposing us to other risks that have nothing to do with the romantic, such as the practice of Accept the friend request of all kinds of strangers .

On the other hand, it is important to have certain rules of behavior in the face of situations that may give way to digital infidelity, such as detecting certain patterns of behavior in the responses of the person with whom you speak, and nip in the bud with that kind of conversation. .


Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved | Esther Perel (March 2024).


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