Emotional emptiness: when we lack something that we can not explain

April 19, 2024

"I have everything and I do not lack anything but I feel empty inside". This is one of the phrases that I hear the most in consultation and I am sure that this thought has haunted you more than once in your head.

What is the reason for this type of emotional vacuum?

"I feel empty inside"

Beyond the most basic material needs there are many others that, at one point, can produce discomfort if they are not met. This void could be likened to the shape of a deep black hole located in our stomach or chest. We could feel it just like when we look at a well and we only see darkness and we are not able to see the bottom.

It is a void that becomes a very painful feeling and a great feeling of loneliness , and that is because you feel that there is something you need to feel complete, but that you may not know what it is, and that something is a need for affection and approval.

On the other hand, one of the most damaging aspects of this situation is the difficulties it generates when it comes to identifying the cause of the discomfort. The fact of not knowing where to direct our efforts to make the situation better can turn this experience into something that produces despair and unrest.

Maybe you're interested: "Emotional stagnation: when nothing seems to change"

Fight the emotional vacuum

Many people fight this void in different ways thinking that this way they can be completed . Some begin to exercise excessively, others increase their consumption of alcohol, some people find themselves throwing more hours than usual at work; some are stuffed with food and others begin to have a lot of sexual relations, in search of finding that person who can fill the emotional void he feels and that another person has left.

This last behavior would make mention of the popular saying that we all know about "one nail brings out another nail".

What do I intend to achieve with these behaviors?

Fill the emptiness that I feel . It is true that these resources that one takes help you to control that sensation momentarily, as well as anxiety and nervousness, but what is the reality? That vacuum continues to be inside us and if we do not work on time it can complicate our day to day.

You have to assume that a lot of the emotional vacuum comes from poor management of care . The fact of believing that nothing that is done is significant comes about because of an excessive distancing with respect to one's life, as if what happens to us happens in a documentary.

What are we getting from this start-up solution?

What I do is anesthetize this feeling when I connect with it. Imagine an inflatable mattress that has been punctured, what we do is fix it with a patch knowing that this quick solution will only last for a while and then, possibly, this patch will take off and finally we will have to buy another new mattress. I mean, I try to put different patches on my black hole to plug it, but the result is that I get back to the starting point.

The psychological problems must be solved from their root, attending to those dynamics that produce them. It is not enough simply to carry out initiatives based on reflection and introspection.

The causes

The causes of emotional emptiness tend to be several, affecting all at once to our expectations and beliefs . Maybe when you were little you did not get the affection that you needed, or maybe you lived through many overwhelming fights at home or you did not feel that your efforts and results were validated. Or maybe you experienced a loss or affective bond that was important to you.

This can take you, now in adulthood, to have a negative self-concept of yourself and a need and excessive dependence on care and approval on the part of others. They can be predisposing factors to that I feel this incomplete, empty and alone. I need the other to form the puzzle, because without it I need the piece that completes me.

Dissatisfaction in relationships

In consultation I find patients who are dissatisfied with their relationship or perhaps with the job that has cost them so much to achieve, but they cling to it because of the fear of loneliness, in the case of the relationship, or for the fear of frustration that can be felt when you realize that the work you have always wanted does not fit your expectations. That is, I can have a partner with whom I feel comfortable and loves me, but perhaps the relationship does not satisfy me and I can feel lonely and empty because of it.

That is why, sometimes We look for this that we lack in my current relationship in another person , but without being able to disassociate ourselves from our partner.It is important that you take this void as a warning signal that something is not right within you and that it does not make you feel full or allow you to achieve the emotional well-being you desire.

On the other hand, we must not forget that instrumentalizing personal and affective relationships in this way not only harms us; He also does it with whoever accompanies us. That is why giving up this type of dynamics not only frees us from a lot of discomfort, it also benefits other people.

Denial of reality and false expectations

What happen? Many times we look the other way or turn a deaf ear to this emptiness because we do not want to run into reality why we feel this way, causing great difficulty to maintain our emotional well-being.

The problem is when we confuse the desires with needs, provoking to yourself that emotional discomfort. What do I mean? When you think that your relationship is so valuable that without it you can never be happy again. Or that if you decide to leave that job that does not meet the expectations you thought you can never reach success.

Therefore, I propose an exercise: leave aside the material solutions , put on some glasses and a swimsuit and dive inside, to be able to identify what you are not feeling well with and that is causing you that feeling of emptiness. Because it is in our interior where the key is to reach our happiness again.

The goal is to make this vacuum smaller and that we can live with him without hurting us . And you will ask yourself, but can it not disappear altogether? The answer is no, since everything we live leaves us an internal trace, so we all have that little emptiness.

It is important that you take the reins of this discomfort to be able to regulate and manage your emotions . You do not have to go through this alone, maybe you need help to take this control and we can help you. Remember: it is a brave and responsible solution to achieve your emotional well-being.