Emotionally immature people: 5 traits they have in common
It is clear that not all people grow and develop at the same pace. However, while physical development depends basically on genes and food, and in most cases it progresses without us having to worry about it, with psychological and emotional development something different happens .
Our competences and abilities when managing emotions and relating to others do not depend on automatic biological processes, but on the way in which we learn to interact with the environment (and with the people who are in it).
That means that people who do not worry about taking their emotional and social skills to a minimum stay stuck before reaching adulthood, or soon after. In these cases we can talk about emotionally immature adults .
How are emotionally immature people?
Emotionally immature people are deeply, not from appearances.
Playing video games, being a fan of animated films or enjoying the spontaneity of certain situations does not tell us anything about a person's level of maturity; he only expresses personal tastes. But other patterns of behavior do tell us about the degree to which the way to experience the emotions of an adult has been stuck in a youth or almost adolescent stage .
In short, an emotionally immature person is characterized by not regulating their emotions according to long-term goals that include the welfare of others.
Further, This is a characteristic that affects all facets of your life ; we can not talk about emotionally immature adults, for example, in the case of artists who express their feelings unilaterally and explosively, specifically through forms of artistic representation.
Now, this definition may seem too abstract, so let's see the main ones characteristics of this type of adults .
1. Do not assume commitments
Emotionally immature adults systematically avoid commitments . This means that they do not do it from an analysis of the costs and benefits of reaching a pact with someone, but, by default, do not even consider fulfilling a series of tasks and responsibilities to do good in others.
Establishing compromises would involve establishing a balance between at least two people who, as they feel differently and experience different things, need to create a stability agreement so that the relationship can move forward.
But emotionally immature adults are characterized because their appreciation of emotions is limited to their own, without taking into account those of others. Therefore, as a commitment it can only exist when there is a certain symmetry between the importance of one's own emotions and those of others , for these people it does not make sense to do this.
At the end of the day, when you only pay attention to what one feels, the only conclusion that can be drawn is that these feelings always change in an unexpected way and that it can not anticipate what will happen.
- Related article: "Peter Pan Syndrome: adults trapped in Neverland"
2. They are self-centered
One of the characteristics of boys and girls is that, although their behavior is often interpreted as "naturally good" and kindly, It is based on egocentricity .
But it is not a moral egocentrism, but cognitive. The idea of coming to imagine the mental world of others is a challenge that is often not achieved and that involves a lot of effort to think about what goes on in the head of others. This capacity will improve as the parts of the brain become better interconnected through the areas of white matter.
Emotionally immature adults do have a sufficiently developed brain to put themselves in the shoes of others, but by inertia have not been accustomed to make use of this skill . In many cases, simply, they have not needed to do so to enjoy an acceptable level of well-being, and therefore maintain an egocentric personality.
Thus, thinking about the interest of others will be the exception, and not the norm, in this class of people.
3. They live in a dependency bond
Of an egocentric and individualistic person one would expect to be independent, but paradoxically this characteristic is not fulfilled in the case of emotionally immature adults. If they can live outside the commitments, it is precisely because they have a social or family environment that protects them so that they do not have social relationships mediated by empathy .
Sometimes, this type of protection offered by parents, mothers or friends is toxic and unsatisfactory even for these people, because it acts as a very large comfort zone from which it costs to go out to experience intense sensations.
But nevertheless, This social "bubble" persists, despite its failures, because it produces dependence Once you have gained strength, it is difficult to break this kind of relationship dynamics, since doing so would imply making many drastic decisions at the same time and normally you do not know where to start.
- Maybe you're interested: "Emotional dependence: pathological addiction to your sentimental partner"
4. Blame others for their mistakes
The coping strategies of these people are usually very poor, which means that they avoid the possibility of examining their own mistakes. To do this, nothing like the easy and immediate exit: blaming others for their mistakes .
Thanks to this kind of actions, emotionally immature adults can allow themselves to continue living without needing to look back and dedicate efforts to stop satisfying their immediate desires in favor of avoiding having more problems in the future.
5. They show financial irresponsibility
Emotionally immature people they live by and for impulsivity . That, taken to the domestic economy, means that they manage their expenses very badly. For example, you may spend a lot of money on dinners while you accumulate debts.
In some way, this behavior resembles people addicted to substances, although the impulsivity of the latter is due to neurochemical changes in their brain that makes them think only of consuming the substance in question, while emotionally immature adults are impulsive in general.
- Related article: "Addiction: disease or learning disorder?"
