Empathy, much more than putting yourself in the place of the other

Empathy is one of the most important competencies of those included in emotional intelligence. The word comes from the Greek words in which they mean "inside him" and "what he feels". However, the real meaning of this psychological phenomenon is even more important than the ability to put oneself in the place of another.

• Related article: "Are you empathic? 10 typical features of empathic people "

What is empathy?

Empathy is the ability to understand the emotional life of another person, almost in all its complexity. This does not necessarily mean sharing the same opinions and arguments that justify the state or reaction expressed by the other person. It does not even mean to agree with the way of interpreting the emotionally charged situations of the interlocutor.

Empathy is related among other things to active listening, understanding and emotional support. In addition, empathy implies having the capacity to differentiate between the emotional states of others and the ability to take perspective, both cognitive and affective, with respect to the person who expresses his emotional state.

It's components

Maybe on some occasions you have not felt heard because of lack of feedback, support or understanding. On many other occasions, you may feel that you have not been able to adequately and empathically attend to the emotional state of the other person and ask yourself: What do I need or need to do to be more empathetic?

Fundamentally, the components of empathy are the following:

1. Know how to listen

Pay attention to what the other person explains or argue, attend to the non-verbal manifestations, as it would be in the case of gestures that correspond to the state of mind that is verbalized and do not interrupt the verbal discourse.

Also, reflect on what the other person is communicating to you, express active follow-up signals as feedback: look at the face, nod or reflect facial expressions congruent with what is explaining the other person.

On the other hand, it is necessary to show interest by asking for details about the content of the conversation.

2. Interpret nonverbal cues

It includes messages transmitted of a paralinguistic nature, such as intonation, response time, volume ...

3. Show understanding

We can show understanding congruent to what they explain to us through phrases such as: "I understand that you act like that". "I understand how you feel". "The truth is that you should have had a great time" ...

The emotions of the person expressing them should not be invalidated, rejected or judged. since this is a fundamental premise to show empathic sensitivity.

4. Provide emotional help if necessary

It is important to always ask our interlocutor if he needs any help . However, often with the simple act of actively listening to the other we allow him to "ventilate" and manage his emotional state. In this way, he feels relieved to have a reliable listener to transmit his emotions to.

When the empathically listening person has experienced an emotional situation similar to the one that is being expressed, the communicative process is more fluid, since there is a greater emotional tune.

Why practice it?

Empathy, as an ability of emotional intelligence, it is important because it makes it possible to experience different benefits .

• Allows you to enjoy social relationships by participating more with the group of friends, colleagues or family members.
• It helps to feel personally better.
• It facilitates the resolution of conflicts.
• Predispose to help others and share.
• Increase charisma and attractiveness.
• It allows to be more respectful.
• Develop leadership skills, negotiation and collaboration, as well as be better considered by others.

How to cultivate empathy?

Practicing empathy helps us expand our perspectives and thereby enrich our world with new ideas , points of view and opportunities.

It is a key social skill that, as we have seen, allows us to better listen, understand and formulate better questions, three fundamental aspects of good communication. In addition, it is one of the bases to build solid and enriching relationships.

You can incorporate to your routine 3 simple practical exercises to improve your empathy .

1. Question and show interest

Start any meeting or conversation with open and personalized questions: How are you? How are you at work? How are you doing with the project you started? How was your vacations?

Showing closeness and interest in the other person, leave room for it to open and simply receive .

2. Read theater scripts

Read theater scripts and focus on a character . Look in the text for what is beyond words; The personal history, previous experiences, the fears that it hides, its desires and illusions, the emotions that are close to the skin ...

3. Choose a person

Choose a person at random and try to find out through their non-verbal communication what moves them (emotion and thought) to do what he does and how he does it. A good time to carry out this exercise is in public transport, in a cafeteria ... These places are rich in scenes as they can serve to put into practice empathy.