Expectations in love: how to know if they are realistic? 7 tips
Relationships are not only based on love. In addition, they always go hand in hand with a series of commitments and efforts aimed at creating a climate of mutual trust. And this, in turn, makes expectations appear about what will happen in the future in that relationship.
However, There are times when expectations in love do not conform to reality , either because they are based on an unjustified optimism, or because they make us fall into something that can almost be considered paranoia and fear of abandonment. Knowing whether to adjust to reality or not is one of the most important elements for the love bond to be maintained, in case you already have a partner, or to correct certain attitudes if you do not have a stable love relationship.
- Related article: "How do intelligent people manage romantic relationships?"
What are expectations in relationships?
In the world of romantic relationships, expectations are the set of beliefs that delineate an expected or probable future with regard to coexistence and mutual accompaniment with real or imagined people (in case you think of a couple that has not yet been found).
Thus, they are not limited to being a set of ideas "kept" inside the brain of each one of the lovers, but they are constantly affecting the way in which the people who participate in the affective bond interact with each other day to day. day, although there is no explicit talk about future plans.
That is why it is vital to see to what extent these expectations are compatible and fit together, or to what extent these ideas are not too demanding with what life offers us . Keep in mind that these expectations are not only about how the person in love with us will be or could be, but also the material context in which the relationship will take place. For example: is it sensible to expect a couple's life full of luxuries if money is not earned in the present? Probably not.
Then we will examine, depending on whether there are expectations in love existing already a relationship or not, how we can adjust them to the sensible. First, let's start with the case of those who already have a correspondent love bond.
How to value expectations in love if you already have a partner
Follow these guidelines to reach an understanding as objective as possible, keep in mind these key ideas in your day to day.
1. Analyze the causes of possible fears
Many times, uncertainty makes us afraid to feel frustrated by placing too much hope in a relationship. It is clear that each case is unique, but in spite of this it is possible to evaluate a series of objective criteria to make sure that really There are reasonable causes to doubt .
First, start thinking about your situation and creating a list. Second, think of the extent to which fears are associated with real or imagined signs, likely or not. You can sort them by following this criterion, and assess the importance that each one has for you.
2. Think about your self-esteem
Some fears may arise not from the characteristics of the relationship itself, but from self-esteem. This is very common in people who have an unkind concept of themselves and they think they will be abandoned because they are not worth much . Detecting in this cause the problem is already a breakthrough, and psychological therapy usually helps.
- Maybe you're interested: "6 good advice (and habits) to boost your self-esteem"
3. Have you fantasized too much?
There are occasions in which the fact of glimpsing a very happy future makes us obsess with those ideas, and we move on to make our own happiness depend on it. At the same time, the fear of not reaching that goal appears .
Therefore, reflect on whether really, if you have in mind a clearly marked tomorrow by a happiness far superior to that of the present, there are reasons to assume that this will be so, and what you are doing to achieve it.
4. Speak it
The sharing of these ideas is crucial. Talk about your illusions and your fears It can be somewhat stressful, but it is necessary if there is suspicion of a mismatch in this regard. Of course, it is crucial to do it from a constructive point of view.
And if you're in the bachelor ...
When it comes to reviewing your expectations of love when you are single or single , follow these tips.
1 .. Do you have a very strong filter? Check it
Sometimes, we discard the possibility of initiating relationships with certain people simply because they do not fulfill one or several very delimited characteristics. Does this make sense?
2. Are you trying to give an image that is not real? Do not do it
There are those who hope to have romantic relationships by attracting the profile of an ideal boyfriend or girlfriend by behaving in a that is supposed to attract that kind of people . It is an imposture that does not lead anywhere to practice.
3. Have you assumed loneliness? Questionala
Nobody has to be alone or alone, although certain people have it easier to get attention from the rest But defeatism means that the rest of the people do not perceive any interest in oneself.