Fear of talking to people: 4 techniques to overcome it
The fear of talking to people It is one of those anxiety-based problems that give most problems to a large part of the population whose lifestyle forces them to interact frequently with others.
It is a problem that is reflected in the day to day, since almost any conversation with someone relatively little known, however mundane, is likely to lead to nerve problems . However, recognizing the existence of a problem of these characteristics does not imply knowing how to solve it.
For this, there are no magic recipes that make the discomfort disappear overnight, but there are techniques that allow structured learning aimed at overcoming the fear of talking to people. Below we will see what are the basic guidelines to follow, although no reading can match the result obtained by working with a psychology professional on each case.
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How to overcome the fear of talking to people?
To better understand the steps that must be taken when making nerves when talking with others stop tormenting us, we must first take into account that each dialogue is unique.
What we want to change is the general pattern, which makes the fear of talking to others generalized; but we should not aim to make it impossible feel fear or insecurity when being in someone's presence . This idea, which seems so basic, is fundamental, and for this reason it is necessary that throughout the entire process we have it, to analyze everything that is happening to us, so as not to frustrate ourselves and surrender.
With this in mind, let's see what are the guidelines that shape these tips to stop being afraid to talk to people. To notice the results, apply them in your day to day , and do not expect significant results from the first hours; noticing the benefits usually takes several days.
1. Work on your self-concept
One of the components that come into play in this class of anxiety problems is self-esteem. Specifically, the problems of self-esteem. However, this does not have to mean that who feels insecure in a dialogue with someone believes that it is worth less than the other, nor that it is less skillful in general.
The belief is that you have less conversational value ; that the words of oneself do not flow the same nor the content of what is said is not as interesting as in the case of the interlocutor or interlocutor. This idea becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, since the insecurity it generates makes attention divided between what is done and what is said and the fear of what is said and done. The result leads to sparse or disorganized speech.
Therefore, it is important to focus on the strengths that one has when facing a daily conversation. For this, it is not necessary to focus on the experience or on the ability to speak fluently with strangers, since it is obvious that for the moment there is no such quality; but we can look at what makes us capable of bring interesting content to a conversation .
For example, if you have university studies or have extensive experience in a field of knowledge that you think may be interesting, remember this and associate it with your identity will help you feel that you are going to relate to people with better equipment. The same can be said if by your age you have a lot of experience about life , or if you are a person with a lot of curiosity and you have already asked many questions that others have not thought of.
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2. Look at the conversational floor
The vast majority of conversations do not have much substance. Learn to stop for a moment and analyze the literal content of what happens in a normal and ordinary dialogue that does not have to do, for example, with the work context: the phrases take up much of the dialogue, the phrases aimed at showing respect and interest for the other they serve no function other than to express kindness, and in general they do not display a great general culture or prodigious intelligence.
This type of level of minimum requirement that occurs in conversations, what we could call "conversational floor". Being above this is practically like rehearsing for a bigger challenge that never comes, a kind of simple tutorial on how to interact with others through words. In general, nobody wants to be used very thoroughly in every dialogue you have throughout the day, so you should not do it yourself either.
However, if in spite of being aware of this you notice that you get stuck or blocked, this you should not think that your mental abilities are tiny . Simply, this is a sign that where there seemed at first to be a sea of differences between you and others, there is only one very fragile barrier: anxiety. When it disappears, everything will be much more fluid.
3. Do not memorize phrases, question
Memorizing phrases to use in a conversation is a trap in which you often fall a lot to try to make the fear of talking to people disappear.
It does not work just because it adds cognitively more demanding tasks than would occur in the case of not taking them into account: the simple fact of think about when it is more propitious to use one of these lines of dialogue It already distracts a lot. It can be useful if you already have a certain ease in the conversations, but not at the beginning.
Instead of using this resource, Choose to focus on listening to what the other person says and build your participation in the dialogue by reacting to what you find interesting. In this way you get a more natural participation from the beginning, as it would happen in a dialogue in which you had no concern, and you would have a way to face the conversation knowing that you do not have to be the most talkative part, in exchange to make your interventions meaningful.
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4. Learn to distance yourself
As we have seen, all conversations they have a strongly conventional and predictable side . In many occasions, what someone says in 5 or 6 interventions can already be predicted from their first intervention, and all that comes after are qualifications. In the same way, there are also phrases that serve to imply that one listens, that one agrees, etc. A real dialogue is very different from what would happen in most novels, or movies like Tarantino.
Having this clear, and observe it, allows us to stay above this type of interactions, and see them as if they were almost a theatrical representation in which there is little content, and very scattered through the phrases. This will serve to make part of the tension go away. In the same way that you understand why each person uses these seemingly irrelevant components despite contributing little, you will also do so without complexes as the fear leaves.
