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FOBU or fear of breaking up with the couple: 8 keys to understanding it

FOBU or fear of breaking up with the couple: 8 keys to understanding it

September 4, 2022

Loving relationships can go through good times, but also bad. In many cases, the conflicts that appear can be solved with efficient communication or going to couples therapy, which brings many benefits as you can read in our article "How to know when to go to couples therapy? 5 compelling reasons. "

But there are courtships or marriages living in a toxic relationship, which can cause psychological problems to its members. In these cases like these, and in which we are aware that it is better that each member of the couple follow their own path separately, may appear FOBU (fear of breaking up) or fear of breaking up with the couple .


  • Related article: "23 signs that you have a 'toxic relationship' of a partner"

How the fear of breaking up with the couple manifests

And it is that leaving a relationship is not easy, because memories can flood our mind again and again and obsession can condition us for a certain time. As we explained in our article "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug", leaving a relationship is a grieving process, in which we leave behind a loved one and that, moreover, is not a linear process, but there are ups and downs .

The fear of breaking the couple can manifest itself in different ways, including:

  • You think your life has no future but you are unable to say goodbye
  • You think your partner is the only person you can be with knowing that it does not make you happy.
  • There are constant conflicts and frequent fights.
  • You think the relationship must end but you are unable to do so.
  • You feel a great grudge against your partner despite continuing with him or her.
  • You are an emotionally dependent person.

Why are we afraid to break up with the couple

The process of falling out of love is slow, and often it is difficult to take the step of leaving the couple even knowing that the relationship is not on the right track. Low self-esteem can lead an individual to remain in that relationship despite suffering, not being able to take the necessary step to change.


But, Why are we afraid to break up with the couple? There are different types of fear that make us stay together when in reality it is better to separate.

1. Fear of uncertainty

One of the most common fears that human beings can experience is the fear of uncertainty, which usually appears when we have to make important decisions or change something in our lives. Not knowing what the future holds can create some anxiety and fear, so many people decide to stay in a relationship instead of doing what they really want, which is to leave the couple.

  • To overcome the fear of uncertainty, you can read our article: "Fear of uncertainty: 8 keys to overcome it"

2. Fear of leaving the comfort zone

A fear that is closely related is the fear of leaving the comfort zone , that is, to leave that mental place in which we feel stable and safe. This fits with the phrase "better known bad than good to know". Staying in the comfort zone does not allow us to grow as people, and this includes getting out of a toxic relationship when necessary.


3. Fear of what others will say about us

There is usually social imposition or the shared belief that to be happy we must have a partner and, as a result, get married. However, you can be happy being single. In our article "Is it possible to be single and be happy? The 8 benefits of not having a partner "we explain it to you.

There are people who feel very anxious about thinking about what others will think of them when they know they have no partner. Something that harms their well-being and can lead them to make wrong decisions.

  • Related article: "Tips to stop thinking about what others think of you"

4. Fear of failure

Another of the most common fears of human beings is the fear of failing. It is characterized by anticipating defeat or the consequences of defeat . Feeling that we have failed is a mental trap, because, in reality, failure can be a great opportunity for growth. The fear of failure can cause us to continue in a toxic relationship to avoid feeling like losers.

  • Maybe you're interested: "Fear of failure: when anticipating defeat immobilizes us"

5. Fear of suffering

Nobody likes to suffer, and lack of love is characterized by great suffering . However, that suffering allows us to learn and grow, and leaving someone, in addition to pain, can bring excellent opportunities to live a full life in the future. We all experience the fear of suffering, especially in this complicated situation.

6. Fear of being replaced

Rejection is one of the most difficult situations to live, because it can hurt us and cause our self-esteem to be affected . However, it is something that can happen in life and that we must accept. Just as we will find a new couple, our exprareja will also do it.

7. Fear of being wrong

The fear of making mistakes is that fear that arises from repentance, that is, from repenting of having made a decision . This fear is incapacitating, so we must accept it as part of life. One can not regret having done something, but of not having done it.

8. Fear of being single

In our article "Anuptophobia: the irrational fear of being single" we talk about this irrational fear that conditions the lives of many people, and that makes them go as a couple without allowing them to live a period of self-reflection . The fear of being single can cause us not to be able to cut a relationship that only brings pain. Overcoming the fear of being single is necessary to restore well-being.


Before You Break Up Watch This - Motivation with Jay Shetty (September 2022).


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