Ghosting: cut the relationship without explaining or answering messages
Let's put yourself in situation: you have been staying with someone for a few months. The interaction is good and fluid, talking every day through WhatsApp and staying every now and then. But one day, you send a message and it does not get an answer. Days go by and this goes on like this. You send another one, and another one, but although you know that the other person has seen them, they do not answer. What's more, two days later you realize that he has blocked you, and you do not know more.
What happened? Basically the person has intentionally cut off all contact with you. This is a case of ghosting , a phenomenon more and more widespread and that can have significant psychological repercussions.
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What is ghosting?
At the social level (since there is another phenomenon with the same name linked to the superposition of images) is understood as ghosting that situation in which a person, suddenly, voluntarily ceases contact with another with which he had some prior communication as way to end this relationship. It is, in other words, to completely disappear from the life of another person without telling him or telling him about the end of the interactions.
Ghosting is a practice that has become popular with the arrival of social networks , especially with the emergence of networks such as WhatsApp and Telegram or social networks like Facebook. But although the term has become popular now, it is not something as new as it may seem: what is now done on social networks formerly was done by telephone, for example, not answering calls.
It is a phenomenon especially frequent in applications to flirt or meet people , getting tired of one part of the interaction and ignoring the other's attempts to communicate. However, it does not occur only in this type of applications, but it can also occur among people who have known each other for a long time. For ghosting to occur, it is necessary that there be a real previous communication (it would not be considered as such that we would never have answered or that there was not a smooth communication, even if one of the parties had tried to contact).
The slow fade
There is another way to act similar, the so-called "slow fade" , in which the people who practice it also cease contact with the other but in a much more gradual way. Small carelessness and difficulties to see or talk attributable to things such as work or have things to do more often occur until the communication ceases.
It is a type of disappearance that makes those who practice it think that they have not abandoned the relationship, avoiding to some extent the feeling of guilt that could cause the relationship to cease directly. However, this does not mean that everyone who reduces their level of communication with us is trying to disappear from our lives: it may be that due to various circumstances I can not really pay attention or prioritize other things.
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Causes of this phenomenon
Defined the ghosting, one can get to wonder why this attitude. The truth is that the reasons that each person can have to carry it out can be very different. One of the main causes is social: we have become accustomed to maintain superficial relationships and to have a rather individualistic stance. We value relationships less and do not usually go too deeply into them.
In addition, new technologies offer us the possibility of not offering response in response, something that people have become accustomed to. Many of the people who practice it see it as even normal, being used to this type of behavior. However, with some exceptions, it usually indicates a lack of education or an attempt to escape from a relationship. It is also related to the increasing difficulty for the empathy of individualistic societies. Below are some possible causes of ghosting.
1. Fear / Flee
One of the parties involved may have said or done something that damaged, offended or scared the other, wanting to cease communication immediately . Also, it is a possible valid response in cases of harassment or to end toxic relationships. Sometimes it can also be used on people who remind us of those experiences or people or situations that have hurt us.
2. Absence of interest
Another option, much more frequent, is that the person who ceases contact has simply lost all interest, or that this has never been too high and do not really value the contact with the other . Also that there was another person who prioritized, or even not want to make clear the end of the relationship just in case at some point the opportunity would reappear. This is frequent when the contact with the other person is recent and there is no real link between them, as happens in the applications to link.
3. Avoidance of conflict
Another option, which occurs especially when ghosting is given to end a more or less established relationship or in people, is based on the fear of hurting or facing and see how the communication of the cessation of the relationship generates discomfort in the other person , having difficulties to determine to make the other see that they want to cease the relationship.
Not knowing how to face what the other can say, or avoid the discomfort of seeing how the other suffers, are usually reasons why ghosting may appear. So it can also be a way to avoid the discomfort of seeing the other have a bad time. There may also be a belief that this procedure generates less pain and a feeling of rejection in the other.
4. Punishment
It can also be understood as a somewhat immature form of punishment : disappear from someone's life without saying why it can be seen as a way to hurt the other person and forget about it, as in some cases of infidelity.
Effects of ghosting
Ghosting is a practice that can have a series of repercussions on the sufferer. Although in the case of someone little known or a superficial contact does not happen of a slight annoyance and anger, but it can be very painful if we are talking about someone who we really valued for a long time. An example of this is found in the sudden cessation of communication of couples more or less consolidated or highly valued friendships. And the fact that someone suddenly ceases a contact can generate great anguish.
The person who is waiting for the contact can feel a great pain when ignored, feeling someone despised . It must also face the uncertainty of what happened, something that in many cases is unknown, and the absence of response and why the situation seems unfair and disproportionate. In cases of long relationships, the subject may go through a grieving phase.
Ghosting leaves the subject with the uncertainty of what happened and if the relationship is over or not, leaving it unsafe and producing more prolonged pain. It also makes it difficult for me to trust later relationships: if they have abandoned me suddenly and without my expecting it, it can easily happen again. In addition to this, people who suffer from depression, anxiety or previous self-esteem problems can see their fears and negative thoughts exacerbated and confirmed by feeling abandoned.
Who ceases contact may have remorse , or you can get to incorporate ghosting into your behavioral repertoire (if you did not already have it) and carry it out more often to stop unwanted relationships. On the other hand, those people who do it out of fear and avoidance of conflict do not face this fear, prolonging it and even making it worse by being able to establish this behavior as a habitual pattern.
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What to do before someone who ignores us?
Ghosting is, nowadays, a frequent reality that many people will face sooner or later. It is something that can be difficult to react to. It is advisable that in the first place we do not jump to hasty conclusions, since at the end of the day something may have happened that does not or can not be seen wanting to answer without wanting to really disappear from the life of the other. You can try sending a message after some time asking if it is okay.
However, if time passes and the person still does not answer, it is time to start accepting that Maybe he lost interest . It is about recognizing it, and (although it may be more difficult than it seems) after that stop trying to contact.
We must try to think and work to realize that this end is not our fault or decision. If it occurs in a relationship that was fluid it is easy for us to need an explanation, but we have to try to stop looking for it: the other person does not have any intention to offer it to us and we have to continue with our life. It is important too that we do not identify that behavior as normal , and that we ensure that this fact does not damage future relationships: not everyone will do the same to us. And although initially we can get to feel very bad, it is advisable not to stop doing activities or lock up, but continue to pursue our goals and trying to enjoy our leisure.
