How do love relationships work and why do they end?
Love is a very difficult concept to understand and even more to decipher its functioning. There are so many forms of expression, of manifestation, of conception, etc. that make it impossible to establish specific guidelines for action.
Relationships of couple: from they begin until they finish
The objective of this article is to give a personal vision about how we believe that love relationships work, whether they are healthy or not, and finally, offer some guidelines in case these do not come to fruition .
To carry out this reflection, we will divide the article into three moments that we consider key: the beginning of friendship, the healthy relationship. the relationship does not heal, and finally, how to deal with a break in the best way in case it happens.
1. The beginning: the curiosity of the unknown
In this first stage is where a process of mutual knowledge begins, in which there is an exchange of information (musical tastes, hobbies, favorite movies, etc.) and where there are endless understandings.
Through communication, both verbal and non-verbal, there is also an attraction, physical and chemical, in which the two people begin to like each other and share special moments (a glass of wine, a walk in the park, a look of complicity, etc.). They begin to fly those first butterflies ...
2. Healthy relationships vs. unhealthy relationships
Over time the relationship matures, the people who form the couple adapt to each other, giving rise to a symbiosis that is not always proportional and positive .
This is where relationships begin to have one form or another. The key is to know how to share and find a balance where each individual feels important and happy both individually and at the level of a couple. It is essential to be aware that a person can be happy for himself, because from our point of view, this is one of the keys that define happiness within the couple.
In a healthy relationship, the two people exchange love, experiences, confidence, balance, security, etc. always looking for a mutual benefit that makes them grow personally without having to divest themselves of a bit of themselves, but rather of share a part of the essence of each one . The results tend to be from couples with a long future where the feeling of well-being and satisfaction predominate.
On the contrary, in an unhealthy relationship, it is not shared, but rather there is an "existential struggle" where the one who takes the most pieces from the other person wins. This is where jealousy, selfishness, distrust, insecurity, imbalance, etc. appear. The result is usually a painful couple breakup where the "losing" person usually accuses a serious lack of self-confidence that leads to states of anxiety and depression. This is because they forgot the main base on which any relationship is based: we can be happy without having a partner .
3. How can I face a possible break?
Well, first of all, you have had a healthy relationship or not, you have to accept that from now on, the one that is going to make the world move is you and only you. It is a question of attitude .
In these situations, there are usually two types of people, those who look to the future (seek a change) and people who look to the past (seek to recover what was lost).
In the first case, we speak of a person who is aware that there is a void but can be filled with new life experiences. They have the feeling of sadness, as is normal, but at the same time they breathe airs of freedom (I choose). His motivation for wanting to move forward is intrinsic (of oneself) and he asks himself questions like What do I want to change? How will I change it? What am I going to change it for? .
In the second case, we speak of a sad person (as is logical) but who feels unable to rebuild his life, directly lives in bitterness, in resignation, often become "toxic" people. They feel the need for emotional dependence (from their former partner), they close themselves in a small introverted world without new experiences trying always to recover the lost. This attitude usually leads the person to depressive states and a lack of self-confidence as it seeks motivation in others (extrinsic).
The essential: to be happy without needing to be with another person
As we have said before, everything is a question of attitude and asking yourself where do I want to be ?, Because the past we can not change, but we can choose the future.
In the UPAD Psychology and Coaching We are committed to teaching people strategies to find their own motivations that help them generate that change that will provide them with what they have really forgotten and are looking for: to be happy for themselves.
We hope that this article will make you reflect on the type of relationship you want to have and If you are in a moment of rupture, stop thinking about the past and start working on your future .