How to end a distance relationship doing as little damage as possible
Relationships can be wonderful, but they are not easy . And they demand a high level of mutual interest, commitment, flexibility, privacy, communication and negotiating ability among many other factors, without counting the particularities of each of its components, the context and the relationship itself. Among the latter we can find relationships in which their members must remain separated for a long time, either because they live at a great distance or for various reasons require that one of the components have to go to another place.
Maintaining a healthy and healthy relationship in these circumstances is a great challenge and requires great effort on both sides, and sometimes it may not go well and cause suffering to one or both members of the couple, something that can cause it to be necessary end with a relationship. And it's something to talk about, but ...how to end a distance relationship generating as little damage as possible to both parties? Throughout this article we will try to reflect on this question.
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How to end a distance relationship: Different aspects to consider
When it comes to breaking up with someone, whether or not a distance relationship, there are many different elements to consider. How, when, where, how will you react ...
In this case we are going to have different steps or aspects to value when terminating a distance relationship . Of course, we must bear in mind that we are talking about a generic break, being able to vary many of these elements depending on each case.
1. Make sure it's what you want
The first step in ending a relationship remotely is, first and foremost, to be sure what we really want. A distance relationship is very complicated to carry out, but it is also possible that despite the difficulties it is worth it.
It is also possible that we are facing a crisis or that we think things moved by pain or anger. It would not be just in case talk to our partner about how we feel and try to verify that what happens to us is not simply a problem of lack of communication. It is necessary to evaluate pros and cons of the relationship and the existence or inexistence of certain feelings in a cold manner and with the maximum possible objectivity.
2. Talk to someone
The doubts about what to do and how to do it are very frequent at the time of ending a relationship. While we should not let our decision be influenced by what others think is advisable talk to someone about the subject to vent and get other points of view , especially if it is someone who does not try to impose his opinion and value our points of view.
3. Take the decision
Once assessed pros and cons, it is time to make the decision. The fact of making the previous assessment is indicative and can be useful, but the truth is that in many cases we already have the decision made in advance. This does not mean that the previous step is useless , since it can allow us to try to objectify the situation.
4. Do not make me do it for you
In novels, books, movies or even in real life we have seen how many times people who want to leave their relationship begin to maintain behaviors that little by little deteriorate and destroy the relationship with the purpose of making the other person decide to leave .
Often this is seen as a way of not being left as "the bad" or even as a way to make the other person suffer less when you finish. However, in the end the only thing that makes this type of manipulation is to generate a suffering that can go on for a long time, and even though the other person does not stop the step of ceasing the relationship.
If we are the ones who want to leave the relationship, it is more valuable to speak directly with the person and assume our own choices and responsibilities. Although it may not seem so, will cause less emotional pain and it is possible that the cessation of the relationship can be lived in a more positive way.
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5. Plan the situation
We can not foresee everything that can happen, but breaking up with someone is a delicate situation that can not be left to mere improvisation. It is advisable to take into account the time and place, how to carry out the break and the specific issues that will be used. I do not mean memorizing a speech, but rather take into account in advance what you want to talk about .
6. Introduce the subject delicately
Ending a relationship is a crucial and painful time for the two members of a couple.It is not advisable to release it point blank, but it may be useful to introduce the subject little by little. For example, we can mention to the other that we should talk about an important issue. It's about preparing the ground.
It is likely that the other person can imagine what it is, but although initially it may seem painful, it is better than releasing it at once. After that we can introduce that the relationship has been important for us but that keeping it at a distance has become untenable .
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7. Speak it in person
While this is the end of a relationship at a distance, the fact of breaking merits if it is possible for the conversation to be face to face. Certainly, it is easier to leave it by a chat or in writing, but the other person can feel the moment as cold and not valued very much. In addition, face-to-face contact facilitates a better expression and understanding of the situation and allows communication to be more fluid and clear. As much as possible it would be advisable to do it in person .
In case it was totally impossible, a video call could be the next most recommended option. After that, the telephone conversation would be live. It should be avoided to leave text messages or leave a message on the answering machine, since they do not give an option for reply.
8. The break, in private
It is important that the conversation be in a place where both of you can be comfortable, without anyone interrupting and in such a way that the person left is not ridiculed or ashamed. Nor is it necessary to do it at home: we can take the person to a place where breaking is not going to be an act of shame for him or her.
It is not appropriate to do it in public or in the middle of a social gathering. The only exception would be if a violent reaction is expected.
9. Stay calm and be clear with what you want
The conversation can be quite tense and painful for both parties. It would not be strange for the other person to react with sadness, doubt, worry or even some helplessness or even anger and indignation. We must remain calm and adopt an empathic attitude, but be clear and firm with our purposes If what we really want is to leave the relationship.
10. Do not blame
A surprisingly frequent error in any break, and especially in one in which distance exists in between, is to blame the other for the situation that caused the break. The fact that little by little there is more distance, that you speak less or that you syntax alone is something that is not the fault of anyone in particular, or rather of which both parties are partly to blame for not knowing how to communicate correctly.
Attributing it to the other is a way to self-justify and not face the decision itself . The exception can be found in situations in which the other person has committed some betrayal towards the relationship that you would have maintained, such as infidelity.
11. Let her express her point of view
Relationships are a matter of two. While you may have made the decision that the relationship should end, it would not be fair to simply disappear. The other has been part of your life, a part that we must value and recognize as what it is and to which we must give due importance. The other person you should have the opportunity to express what you feel about it and give your opinion about it, although it may not agree with ours. This facilitates that, even if the relationship ends, it does not do so with a deep rancor or feeling of being undervalued.
12. Distánciate
Perhaps the most difficult step of all. Once we have broken, It is normal that doubts initially arise about how the other person will be or that we begin to miss positive aspects of the relationship. For example, the conversations by WhatsApp or the message of good morning and good night that probably sent you.
It is also likely that you want that although the relationship is over, that person is still part of your life and even maintain a friendly relationship with her. It is even possible that in some cases the possibility of maintaining an open door to return in the future may arise.
However, it is not healthy to continue having the same level of contact as before until the duel stage has been overcome . This will generate pain in the person who has been left behind and possible confusion regarding your intentions (do you want to return ?, hurt me ?, should I wait ?, etc.).
In fact it is advisable to distance yourself, in such a way that both your ex-partner and you can adapt to the fact of not being a couple, rebuild your lives and see the other as a person with whom you can (or can not) maintain a cordial contact It is not about never talking again (unless you want to), but about giving time to close the process of overcoming the rupture.
