How to face criticism, in 5 steps
The word "criticism" comes from the Greek "kritikos" which means "able to discern". Likewise, the word "criticize" comes from the verb "krinein" which means "separate", "decide" or "judge". Currently we can use these words to talk about the action of judging or evaluating a situation in depth; but they also serve to refer to an attitude (critical), and even a decisive moment (critical moments). In this sense, carrying out a criticism is not always an offense action towards the situation that is being evaluated; but it can have the opposite effect: favor our ability to discern or decide.
In any case, when a criticism is made to judge or evaluate a behavior or personal decision, they can generate a lot of discomfort. Among other things, it can produce a sense of anguish or sadness and sometimes anger. In this article we will explain some strategies that can be useful to face the criticisms in a way that facilitates both social interaction and maintaining emotional stability.
- Related article: "Self-concept: what is it and how is it formed?"
5 strategies to face criticism
When we find ourselves in a situation where we hear something we do not like, because it has to do directly with ourselves, It is common for us to react from the emotional filter and we omit the rational part, with which, frequently, we get the feeling of not knowing what to do.
However, even without knowing what to do, we act. And the way we do it can also generate discomfort or confusion in other people. It may even happen that our reactions to criticism turn into an obstacle to the development of interpersonal relationships , or, for personal development. For all the above, it is worth the exercise to ask ourselves how we are facing criticism and how we could do it properly.
1. Assess the situation
Criticism, as it is composed of a series of social judgments, can easily lead to blame. It is important that, before moving on to this moment, we try to put the criticisms in context. It means that we can reflect on how others' perceptions and explanations of success or failure can be affected by performance according to different labels or social values assigned to our own person. In this way we can generate tools to establish a dialogue with the interlocutor (with whom does the criticism), before we paralyze, either out of anger, or out of anguish.
In short, not all of us react in the same way to criticism. In these reactions many elements are involved, ranging from our self-concept to the possibilities and values that have been assigned to us (and through which we have become socialized); which may be different between women and men or between children and adults or between people of one culture or another. Put the criticisms in context and assess the situation in which they are generated It also has to do with reflecting on the time, the place, and the specific person from whom the criticism comes. This reflection helps us to know which comments or situations we should "take personal", and which do not.
- Maybe you're interested: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"
2. Strengthen assertiveness, beyond criticism
On the other hand, once we have detected that our reaction to criticism generates emotional problems, it is time to ask ourselves if our confrontation is directly affecting our social skills. In case the answer is affirmative, something we can work on is assertiveness; understood as a skill that allows communication in a respectful and firm at the same time.
Being a skill, and not a personality trait that some people have and others do not, assertiveness is something that we can work and develop . It is about communicating our needs and interests clearly, but at the same time recognizing the needs and interests of the interlocutor (that is, maintaining empathy).
It also consists in discerning between the moments in which it is better to remain prudent and more passive; and those moments in which it is necessary that we remain active and firm with our decisions. Strengthening assertiveness is a skill that helps us communicate daily, and that can go much further than improving the way we approach criticism.
- Maybe you're interested: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"
3. Review and work self-esteem
Self-esteem is the assessment we make about our self-concept.That is, it is the set of values (positive or negative) that we associate with the image we have made about ourselves. From the most scientific psychology to the most everyday, attention has been paid to how low or high self-esteem is reflected in important ways in social skills ; that is, it becomes visible in effective and satisfying relationships.
The assessment we make about our self-concept impacts on the undervaluation or overestimation of our own possibilities and the recognition of our limits. So, according to how we perceive ourselves, we can have some problems to face criticism (precisely because of the difficulty of recognizing both limits and capabilities). This can generate intolerance or rigidity regarding the judgment we make about others ; and can generate the same about the judgment that others make about us.
4. Reflexivity and self-knowledge
Reflexivity, or the quality of being reflective, refers to the ability to evaluate something carefully, before carrying it out. Or, once it has been carried out, so that the results of this reflection serve us in later occasions. Working with this skill can be useful in dealing with criticism, as it allows us to analyze how other people's criticisms affect us on a day-to-day basis, and what actions of our own may be affected by other people. In this sense, reflexivity is related to introspection and develop a realistic thinking about situations .
Ultimately all of the above means working self-acceptance and self-knowledge, which means taking our thoughts, feelings or behaviors, and also our real limits and possibilities; as part of ourselves and our context of possibilities. Without waiting for unconditional approval, both from others and from us. This last it allows us to work what we do not like about ourselves , and at the same time, not weaken ourselves in excess to the criticism of others
5. Share the experience
It is normal for criticism to cause us some discomfort, and it is also normal that we do not know how to react at all times.
Given this, another of the strategies that can be effective to adequately address criticism, is to share this discomfort and uncertainty. Surely we will meet someone who has felt the same, and although it is not a person expert in psychology, you can reach interesting conclusions about how we have felt before the reactions of others , and also about how others have felt about our reactions.
