How to leave someone: 6 steps to manage the break
Many times we experience love relationships like fairy tales that can only have a happy ending. Of course, this belief makes having someone by our side a sweeter experience, but at a very high price.
And the thing is that when things do not go well, the frustration can be enormous: the fact of discovering that one is not good with someone produces as much confusion as discomfort, because we do not understand that, simply, the relationship, as we knew it until now It has no reason to be.
That is why there are many times that the simple task of find out how to leave someone becomes a trap that paralyzes us without being able to enjoy the love life and without being able to free ourselves from that relationship.
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When love is not like before and anxiety grows
Making the decision to end a relationship is always hard, especially if the trajectory of this is long, several years. Also, one of the aspects of the break that hurts the most is the fact that it is a unilateral decision : everything depends on oneself, and the consequences of that decision, if they are very bad, will weigh on one's conscience.
It is this fear and this expectation of potential failure which makes many people get stuck in the uncertainty of not knowing how to leave someone. The anticipatory anxiety makes the discomfort almost comparable to that which occurs during and just after the rupture, but unlike what would happen in this second scenario, the problem persists and becomes chronic.
The fear of "throwing oneself", the guilt and the pity that produces sadness in the other person, the not knowing how the day to day will be without the routine of being next to that lover or in love ... all that makes It is very easy to procrastinate, not to take the first step, lengthening the discomfort.
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Managing the couple crisis: how to leave someone
Even though a love break is always an experience that produces anxiety and discomfort, these feelings must be managed so that the crisis is not blocked. Going from the idea to the right way is important to go through the breaking phase in the best possible way.
These are the main guidelines to follow for be clear how to leave someone without the people involved suffering more than what would be expected:
1. Give clues
The couple breaks that are best managed are those that are understood, that is, those that we can integrate well into the knowledge we have about the relationship in which we find ourselves. This also serves, of course, for the person who is "left". It is very important that you understand what happens , and for that it is necessary that you know that your partner does not feel good in the relationship, that this information does not come suddenly at the moment of the rupture.
So, when leaving someone you already have a lot of cattle simply expressing in a genuine way the discomfort that you feel. That establishes precedents that seen in hindsight help to understand what has happened.
2. Choose a quiet and lonely place
It is very important that by breaking with the relationship the people involved can express their feelings without being repressed because they are in a social context. Choosing as a place to make this a bar or restaurant is a very bad idea for that reason: the shame and the fear of attracting attention they add to the stress that already generates the situation.
3. Do not skimp on time
Something so important deserves to be explained well and with details. That's why it's good not to give the information simply in one or two sentences; better to have prepared a mini-script with the main ideas to say and their order (not literally memorize any text).
4. Make the message clear
On the other hand, it is important that the main point of the encounter, the break, be communicated clearly and directly , without using poetic formulas or constant ar rodeos without reaching the subject in question.
5. Do not blame anyone
Attributing the failure of a relationship at the moment of leaving someone is inadvisable, even if the guilt is placed on oneself. If we blame the other person, we cause them to suffer more than they should and, in addition, will not be able to extract a valuable lesson to be happier in the future with other people, since that information will not be analyzed as if it were something from which a useful conclusion can be drawn; it will simply be seen as an attack, due to the context and how difficult it is to reason in situations like this.
Also, if it is said that the fault lies with oneself, it is very possible that this is interpreted as an excuse for not having to argue, something that of course does not feel good either.
6. Give support
Some people believe that just after communicating that they want to break up, it is appropriate to act distantly so that the interlocutor does not "get confused" and assume his new role instantaneously. This is a mistake and, in fact, it is such a defensive attitude that reveals one's insecurities.
After leaving someone you have to let our feeling of helping others act spontaneously at the time of comfort the ex-partner, if she needs it . A hug, a few kind words and stay at the side of the person for a while is a good idea, unless it says otherwise or shows signs of collapse emotionally. In any case, offering help never hurts.
Consider the option of giving yourself a time
Many times leaving someone is not a decision that we are sure of. Love is a very complex feeling , and certain crises may be due to circumstantial factors that have nothing to do with what it is for us to be with a certain person.
In these cases, instead of communicating a definitive break, you can choose to take some time. This, in part, is also leaving someone, but leaving a door open to the possibility of returning, and therefore the blow is less. However, you do not have to decide on this option simply to please the other person; It must be something that really interests both parties.
