How to overcome feelings of guilt, in 8 keys
We have all met once before a situation that we have managed as we could, perhaps without having the necessary information or patience, causing discomfort to another person.
In situations like this, it is common for guilt to appear. But ... what is the fault? It is a negative emotion that has a great psychological function: it helps us to reflect on our behavior and attitudes in order to avoid falling into the same mistakes in the future.
Although it has a positive side, guilt can turn against us when it provokes intrusive thoughts that tie us to some unfortunate moment in our lives.
- Related article: "The 4 types of self-esteem: how do you value yourself?"
Feelings of guilt: why do they appear?
Guilt can have different causes and origins . In some people, it may be due to an emotion that began in childhood because of certain dysfunctional relationships with other members of the family or with peers. As a result of that bad psychological experience, the individual can crystallize this feeling of guilt even in his adulthood.
At the end of this feeling we find the 'extreme guilt'. It is a dysfunctional and unnecessary discomfort that creates our own mind and thoughts. It is vital, in these cases, to know how to identify the causes that cause this discomfort.
Guilt may have its cause in certain cognitive distortions that make our thinking work based on biases and partial and irrational interpretations of reality. These thought patterns push us to take certain situations from day to day to the extreme, ordering them as good or bad, which can lead to extreme interpretations that cause us emotional damage.
In addition, people who tend to feel guilty tend to simplify their experiences and are not able to take perspective and / or relativize what happens to them, so they tend to be especially negative when evaluating these experiences.
Low self-esteem, a factor that explains the fault
Different studies have pointed out that a common factor among people with feelings of guilt is low self-esteem . This problem is cause and effect of a few functional social relations, with a submissive relationship scheme.
The way in which we face this emotion is also a key point to understand the feeling of guilt, being able to give rise to a negative or positive experience.
How to overcome feelings of guilt?
First of all, when we experience feelings of guilt we should be aware that we are facing a feeling that plays a role in our psyche, since it helps us learn from mistakes that we have committed and do not repeat them again.
In addition, psychologists say that trying to repress this experience of pain and guilt is not an effective strategy to cope with the situation. For these reasons it is crucial that we know how to reflect and have certain tools to understand guilt and overcome it.
1. Face the situation objectively
To control this obsessive thought derived from guilt it is important to face each situation in a positive way, understanding the part of responsibility that touches us but also knowing how to weigh the different variables that may have influenced what happened.
2. Understand that everything is part of learning
Guilt is the way our mind tells us that there is something we have done wrong. This should not sadden us, but rather make us think about how we can improve in the future. You have to use guilt to learn and improve as people.
3. Practice self-pity
To get rid of feelings of guilt we must also practice self-pity, that is, know how to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we may have made in the past. It is not about falling victim to, but simply pondering the situations to understand well what we could do better.
4. Understand the complexity of the circumstances
There are situations in which circumstances can not be controlled and we are overwhelmed by a host of factors . This is a key point: assessing the influence of variables beyond our control will also make us relativize each situation, and therefore our responsibility will be much more limited.
5. Apologize (if necessary)
Taking responsibility can translate into taking certain concrete actions. For example, If you have the feeling that you have done wrong with someone, it is a good idea not to pass the time in vain and apologize . This will make us have a better view of ourselves, and be able to reconcile ourselves with this episode of the past.
6. Go to page
And although we have the certainty that we have acted unethically and feel guilty about something, we must have the courage to turn the page . We all make mistakes in life, and if it is not in our hands to correct them, the most sensible thing is to learn from error and get ahead, forgiving ourselves.
7. Explain the situation to a nearby person
To take perspective of the situation It may be a good idea to explain your concerns to a close person, such as a friend or family member . This way they can give you their opinion, and maybe you realize that the situation that disturbs you escaped your control, so that the feeling of guilt can be alleviated.
8. Go to psychological therapy
Sometimes, these feelings of guilt can settle in our mind and plunge us into a state of sadness, anxiety and invasive thoughts. In these cases, it is highly recommended that you turn to the services of a mental health professional.
If you are immersed in a spiral of negativity, a psychologist can offer you a series of resources so that you can be yourself again.
