How to recover your ex, 3 keys you should know

March 29, 2024

Throughout our lives we have all experienced one or several courtships that, unfortunately, do not always end well. And all of us who have experienced a breakup partner know how difficult it is to let go of a person we love.

The lack of love can affect us so deeply that we can suffer an existential crisis, in which we question our own values and that can last for months or even years. It is not easy to leave behind that person we have come to love with such intensity and with whom we thought we would share the rest of our lives.

After a breakup couple many people decide to continue with their lives and others try to get back with their ex. If you are in this situation and opt for the second option, you must be clear that try to return with our ex-partner should never be for fear of being alone , by emotional dependence or by low self-esteem, and should always occur and when we are good with ourselves.

Related article: "The stages of heartbreak and its psychological consequences"

After the breakup of a couple: to return or not to return with our ex?

Separating from that special someone for us means going through a grieving process , so we must overcome several phases before regaining emotional stability again. When we lose our love, we also lose the common goals that united us and leave behind many memories, some of them continue to make an appearance in our mind again and again after the person has left our lives.

The break of a couple usually appears in the form of a blow for us, especially if they have left us. And in the first days after the break, denial or withdrawal syndrome are frequent. Over time, we can accept the situation and move on with our lives, but that does not happen overnight.

"Lying" people may have it easier to overcome a broken couple, because they usually begin the grieving process before leaving the relationship, although they also suffer and may experience guilt at some point in the process of falling out of love. However, often have a reason that drives them to end the relationship, and although there are cases in which the person who leaves regrets to do so, input is usually aware that something fails in their courtship or marriage.

But… Is a breakup of a couple an end forever? Although the couple break can give rise to think that everything is over and that everything is lost, this is not true! Some couples experience love once they have separated.

And why does this happen? For many reasons. For example, because human beings are complex and, sometimes, we can terminate a relationship when there is still a feeling of love between two people, for a simple discussion that has been handled incorrectly or because in the distance we can value something that at the time we do not value.

Maybe you're interested: "How to know when to go to couple therapy? 5 compelling reasons"

Reasons to return or not return with the ex-partner

After the breakup of a couple, you may consider the possibility of returning with your ex. However, you should know that this is not always possible and does not always depend on you. In addition, at the time of assess the possibility of returning with your ex , you must take into account a series of advantages or disadvantages of reliving the love you had with that person that you consider special for you.

Advantages of returning with your ex

Some of the advantages of getting back with your ex are:

You already know each other and there has already been an emotional connection between you. If at the time you valued positive aspects of yourself, by re-establishing a relationship with that person without conflicts, that intense feeling called "love" may arise again.
The second opportunities can go well if we learn from the past.
If you learn from mistakes It can be a much more mature relationship.
After a break, the union can be stronger when you realize how much you love each other.
It can benefit your children, if you have any.
If a good connection exists again , you do not have the feeling of not having tried again.

Disadvantages of going back with your ex

Going back with your ex also has disadvantages. These are some of them:

After leaving it, the relationship may no longer be the same and the feeling that united you is hidden behind the grudge or the disappointment. If you lose respect, then it's hard to get it back.
If you have tried several times, going back to your ex may be preventing you from growing.
You close the door to meet someone new for not ending this stage of your life.
The damage may be greater when you try to return to your ex again and again. Sometimes a withdrawal in time is better.
You may try to go back with your ex because, despite knowing that it does not suit you, you do not have the strength to leave it.

How to recover your ex

Going back to your ex is a controversial issue, which should be assessed individually, depending on the characteristics of each relationship, and should only be a possibility when there is respect and the relationship between both is fair and healthy.

Sometimes, relationships end because there are failures in communication. This indicates that it is possible to recover that love or feeling that united the couple as long as the break has not been traumatic .

If you think that the relationship with your ex was worth it and you do not want that relationship to end. You can take into account some of these keys to recover your ex.

1. Be critical of yourself and the relationship

First of all, you need to be critical of the reasons for the breakup and if you had something to do with it. For example, if your partner complained that you were not very affectionate and you think he is right, you can take it into account if he gives you a chance to remedy it.

On the occasions when you are the culprit, you can try to repair the situation. Now, if your ex does not want to be with you for any reason other than you and tells you explicitly (for example, is with someone else), you should not try to recover it .

2. Back does not just depend on you

When it comes to recovering your ex, you must be clear that this situation does not only depend on you. You can not make a person love you if he wants to be away from you, because if he does not intend to return with you, you can endanger your dignity and increase the conflict between you.

If you give signs to return, take advantage of that opportunity. But if it makes clear to you that you do not want anything with you, do not insist. In these cases it is better to accept it and continue with your life .

3. Work on you

As you see, that they love you not only depends on you, and that a person considers you attractive or not either. What does depend on you is to work on your personal growth and maximize your attractiveness. Over time, the other person may see that you have changed (if you should have). If the flame among you is still alive , you will not need to do anything special to return with your ex, because he or she will want to reconnect with you for who you are, for the love that unites you, for how good you feel at your side and for what you bring them.

Working on your personal growth will have a great impact on your self-esteem. If you want to know how to work on your personal growth, you can read our article: "Personal growth: how to transform your life in 6 steps"