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How to respond to verbal aggression in 4 steps

How to respond to verbal aggression in 4 steps

February 28, 2024

It is true that the human being has a natural tendency towards cooperation, but it is also true that, sometimes, we can become very cruel to each other. The frequency with which verbal aggressions occur is an example of that. In the end, however much we have to live in society to survive, that does not mean that we should always get along well, in all contexts.

In this article we will see how to respond to verbal aggression , as well as emotions management strategies associated with this process.

  • Related article: "The 11 types of violence (and the different kinds of aggression)"

How to react to verbal aggressions?

Although we usually associate violence only with attacks directed against bodies or against the properties of people, we must not forget that as sentient beings we are, words and symbols can also hurt us. Therefore, verbal aggression is a reality, and you have to know how to position yourself before it.


Of course, one of the facets of responsible behavior in this regard is not to use this kind of attacks against others, but the thing does not end there. ¿How to respond to a verbal aggression when directed towards oneself ?

In a situation of open hostility in which we are attacked by verbal aggression, remember the following guidelines for action to know not how to act, but how to act. Next we will see the main guidelines to follow, assuming that verbal aggressions occur in a context in which there is no risk of receiving physical or economic damage, in which case we would be talking about a much more serious form of domination.


1. Be clear about the objective

It is necessary to keep in mind from the beginning that what we aspire to is, fundamentally, to protect our dignity and, secondly, to prevent this kind of attack from happening again. That means we do not seek or avenge ourselves, nor humiliate the other , goals that are incompatible with the previous ones.

  • Related article: "Verbal aggression: keys to understanding this violent attitude"

2. Adopt a distance perspective

In the face of compromising situations such as this, it is necessary to adopt a certain critical distance with respect to what happens to us, so as not to be carried away. Part of the successful management of those moments in which we are verbally attacked consists simply of not losing our nerves and knowing how to control ourselves.

In fact, sometimes the only purpose of these aggressions is based on the expected effect of getting nervous, so that we can not think rationally, which creates an asymmetry in the power dynamic that is established in the dialogue. If we stay calm, we not only avoid this, but also we demonstrate our strength and security in ourselves , something that makes us gain power both in the eyes of the aggressor and those of possible observers who are not directly involved in what happens. Do not give signs that self-esteem is compromised, as this may give more reasons to continue working the same.


3. Call attention to the offense

You can not act as if verbal aggression was something normal, so the first thing is to point out the fact that the other person is already starting from a disadvantaged situation.

In these cases it is good not to focus on how the attack makes us feel, as this may encourage the other person. Instead of this, it's better talk about these attacks as an easy resource only those who are least able to defend their positions in a coherent and well-founded way. Everyone can use insults or personal allusions that only contribute to obstruct the dialogue.

4. Deconstruct the attacks of the other

Sometimes we forget that verbal aggressions are based on actions and totally questionable claims, and we simply focus on the discomfort they generate. But the truth is that through these attacks, the person who issues these aggressive messages is exposing himself, and he runs the risk that what he does will turn against him. This is what you have to take advantage of. After all, in many cases these attacks are a way of masking the poverty of the arguments used.

Thus, it is good that, at least initially, we act as if within those verbal aggressions there was content that is worth taking seriously, so that it does not show a rigid and dogmatic attitude that is comparable to that of the other person. In this way, we can briefly explain the reasons why the attacks received are absurd and have no basis.

Of course, it is essential that this step is always after the previous one, which is to draw attention to the content denigrating the messages of the other.

5. Show little patience

It is good to make clear that our attitude is not the same as that of the attacker, but neither should we act as if the other person was doing his part to generate a profitable dialogue. That is why you do not have to create elaborate answers before each new attack on the part of the other.

If a verbal aggression occurs a second time, it is best to stop seeing this person as a valid interlocutor, and stop paying attention to what you have to say, briefly explaining our reasons for doing so. This is a step that must be taken right after the verbal aggression occurs, to emphasize the fact that this is unacceptable, and it is that, and not another, that we stop talking with that person.


HOW TO VERBALLY DEFEND YOURSELF (February 2024).


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