I have a hard time making friends: causes and solutions
Social isolation and difficulty in making friends are two of the problems that, paradoxically, occur in a society in which the Internet has the ability to connect all kinds of people.
The problems in forging friendships not only have consequences on the mood of the people and their self-esteem : it has also been seen that loneliness is related to a lower life expectancy.
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How to break the isolation?
Gaining a greater capacity to win friends is a process that involves engaging in various fronts. Fortunately, it is possible to win in all of them if you follow the right strategies and show a commitment to certain principles and ideas.
Then we will see what it is that people who find it difficult to make friends can do to get out of their isolation.
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1. Work on self-esteem
This is a step that must be taken in the first place but that must accompany all those who follow it . The perception that there are missing friends that are by our side is often associated with the belief that we are not good enough for someone to want to spend time with us, which in turn causes us to adopt behaviors that hinder the creation of bonds of friendship .
Therefore, it is necessary to analyze these beliefs in a calm and somewhat distant way, judging their foundations and seeing how they adjust to reality. Normally the social isolation is produced by the anticipation of the failure of the contact shots with the rest of people, with the fear that this generates and with the lack of self-esteem that makes us be defensive and give up the possibilities of making friends, which in turn confirms our pessimistic beliefs.
This step can be initiated alone or with the help of friends and family, but attending psychotherapy is also a good option to perform this cognitive restructuring.
2. Judging our friendship needs
Second we must stop to think why or why we want to have more friends . This will help us to know what the nature of our need is, which at the same time will make it possible to have clear contexts in which we want to meet people and the kind of people with whom we want to deal with.
3. Search for meeting spaces
Second, we must think about the spaces in which we could make new friendships. Here we must consider meeting places, but also virtual spaces, especially forums in which we can find people with common interests. Beyond social networks, which tend to be designed more for individual contact with people already known, there are web pages with sections for debate and discussion in which people who are regular from the place meet : they are a good option.
4. Search the exhibition
Losing the fear of exposing ourselves to the opinion of others is absolutely essential when making friends. For this we must leave the comfort zone and fight the fear learned from previous frustrated experiences when making friends. Following self-instructions and "self-enforce" to comply with a scale of difficulty is a good way to solve this, as well as being a resource widely used in cases of social phobia.
5. Do not follow scripts in the conversation
Once you have started a conversation with someone, it is necessary to renounce the possibility of following a more or less structured script in which we have included elements that we want to say: they do not work and make the dialogue fluid and unsatisfactory. It is advisable to look for spontaneity. For this it is good to follow protocols of relaxation (to be able to be with the help of a therapist) and be carried away by the dialogue without obsessively thinking about the image we are giving. If we show confidence and confidence in ourselves, the most absurd conversation can become something fun and stimulating .
6. Show commitment
Maintaining the bonds of friendship is to bet on the commitment that unites two people who consider themselves friends . This means that we have to make some sacrifices and be clear that we should also be willing to contribute something to the other. It is a very basic point but one that is often forgotten, causing relationships to deteriorate and become circumstantial, something instrumental.
Concluding
If the phrase "I find it hard to make friends" is often around our head, we must have two things clear: on the one hand, if we are willing, we can be friends with many more people, and on the other, that this process will cost us a series of efforts and sacrifices that will make us leave our comfort zone .
Having this clear from the beginning is basic to not get discouraged in the early stages, something that can make this experience memorized as a "proof" that friends are not made for us.
