I'm not happy with my partner: what can I do?

April 1, 2024

Being in love is, without doubt, a unique experience that can make us feel complete.

But Relationships are complex , and although we can start a relationship by being fully in love, over time the problems and conflicts may arise. If we do not manage them well, we can feel a great dissatisfaction, a tremendous frustration and a great pain because our romance does not go as we wanted.

Related article: "Coaching and couple: the focus on oneself, the other and the bond"

Love relationships have to be worked on

The love relationships do not stop being interpersonal relationships , in which each member of the couple has their needs, their desires, their expectations, their beliefs, their values ... Believing that people fit by magic is a mistake. In fact, it is a very frequent mistake, since novels or television encourage a mistaken idea of what romantic love is.

To be successful in a relationship, it is important to work on it, to have common goals, negotiate and reach agreements, communicate effectively, love from freedom , trust in the other and, of course, respect our lover. Although many times we are not conscious, the dissatisfaction in the couple is manifested by bad communication, emotional lacks and irrational beliefs.

When this happens is when you think you are no longer happy with your partner, and their way of being and their attitudes begin to change, perhaps even without realizing it.

Maybe you're interested: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

How to detect that you are not happy as a couple

Knowing when one is not happy as a couple is relatively easy, because dissatisfaction appears and, therefore, so does unhappiness . What is not so simple is to detect the reasons why one is not happy as a couple, and often requires a deep and objective self-reflection.

The first step to change is to be aware of what needs to be changed, since knowing the behaviors that are affecting the proper functioning of the relationship is very important. But ... how can we know what is wrong? A good strategy is to answer the questions that I pose below.

1. Are there grudges? Why?

Love is a very intense feeling, and in some situations it causes excessive reactions . This happens because the emotional pain we feel when things are not going well in our relationship is very deep and penetrating. Disputes with our partner hurt more than conflicts with other people around us and provoke a passionate reaction in us.

If you detect that there is grudges towards your partner better than the solutions as soon as possible avoid entering a vicious circle that makes the problem grow .

2. Do you negotiate in conflicts?

Miscommunication is the reason why it is necessary to be assertive especially in the most difficult moments.

Each member of the couple has their own way of seeing the world, and reaching agreements is not always easy. In a love relationship we should not impose our opinions, and it is necessary to make use of dialogue. Knowing how to negotiate and reach agreements is of vital importance if what we want is for the relationship to last.

3. Do you agree on the important things?

That you always agree on all the decisions that you have to make is impossible, as it is that you always share the same points of view. But for a relationship to be lasting yes It is essential that you reach agreements and agree on the important aspects . For example, common goals or fundamental values.

Although each individual has its own scale of values, for the relationship to take hold it is necessary to build a common scale of values. It is important that you row together so that the ship moves forward.

4. Does it support you in difficult times?

No one is perfect, and as I said, conflicts in the couple can appear at any time.

But when you go through difficult times, such as losing your job or the loss of a loved one, it is always better to remain united than to throw each one aside. If your partner leaves the disputes aside to give you their support, it is a sign that you are committed to the relationship and with you .

5. Do intimate relationships work?

One of the factors that most influence the well-being of the couple are intimate relationships, which play a very important role in the unity and stability of the latter.

Although scientific studies suggest that quantity is not as important as quality, the lack of sexual contact , either due to monotony and other sexual problems, can cause serious difficulties for the couple's smooth running.In these cases it is necessary to go to sex therapy.

Related article: "Sexual therapy: what it is and what are its benefits"

6. Are you thinking about cheating on your partner?

Fidelity is one of the fundamental values to build a stable love relationship and marriage; However, infidelity is very common nowadays. Overcoming it is not easy, it is considered a betrayal and disloyalty .

Monotony or communication problems can often be the root of infidelity. And although sometimes we think that when this happens only one member of the couple suffers, infidelity usually causes pain to both parties.

Related article: "Infidelity: the second most important problem in relationships"

Going to couple therapy: a solution to improve well-being in the relationship

When a couple goes through one of the problems mentioned above and is able to detect it, if you put your part you can remedy and find the way back to happiness with the person you love. However, many times it is inevitable to have the help of a professional expert in this area, that is, a couple psychotherapy.

Contrary to what happens in other forms of psychotherapy, it is not necessary to have received a diagnosis of mental disorder to resort to it, because the couple psychologists do not focus only on the individual to help him find solutions, but on the relationship and the reasons that hinder it.

Mensalus Institute: Are you looking for help to recover happiness in your love relationship or to overcome a breakup?

Whether you want to return to happiness in your relationship or want to overcome a break even, the Mensalus Institute of Barcelona can help. This clinic is considered one of the best psychotherapy centers in Spain, and not only offers couples therapy in person, but also online, so you can benefit from the therapeutic sessions at the moment you want and from the place where you are.

Mensalus has a team of psychologists highly specialized in sex and couples therapy, so it can provide solutions and help you in the difficulties that are happening in your relationship, either to improve communication, re-track the common objectives, overcome sexual problems (lack of desire or excitement, problems to reach orgasm, premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, etc), accept an infidelity, deal effectively with specific crises, fight distancing or any other situation that is affecting your well-being and that of your lover.

Its professionals apply techniques and strategies aimed at growth both individually and in the couple and make it possible for you to learn new ways of relating to your partner or sentimental partner at the same time that they endow you with the necessary tools to overcome the difficulties in the relationship and in the coexistence, the couple conflicts and also overcome the lack of love in case one of the two decides to end the relationship.