I miss my ex-partner a lot: what can I do?

April 25, 2024

Love is one of the most rewarding experiences that the human being can live. Finding that person who understands you, who gives you the best you can to be happy and who thinks about you night and day is really incredible.

However, not all love relationships end well, and when love comes to an end, generally, there is always one of the two who feels that he has lost a part of his soul. Her heart has broken, and there is an apparent dead end: "I miss my ex-partner," a phrase that sums up the contradiction in which one lives plunged.

I want to go back to my ex, but ...

If you identify with what you have just read and you feel a great impulse to return to your ex-partner, in the following lines you will find some keys that will help you to understand the reasons why you should continue fighting for that love or let it go. forever.

Now, first of all, we must bear in mind that it does not depend only on you whether you return or not. That is why the goal should be to work for feeling good about oneself , regardless of whether a stable couple returns to that person. This is important and you must understand it. For this, it is necessary that you work on yourself and do not force a possible return. It must be your ex-partner who also miss you.

Also, going back to your ex is not always possible, because if the relationship has been broken in a traumatic way there is less chance of reconciliation. The sooner you accept this reality, the less suffering and dependency you will feel towards the other person.

Why do I keep thinking about him or her?

It is also important that you know that this feeling of wanting to return with your ex is totally normal. In fact, When a relationship ends, there is always a need to know about the other person , even if it is we who have left it. Our mind works like this because we have become accustomed to its presence, to the memories of its smile, its smell, its voice ... we associate everything with its person.

Therefore, if ex-boyfriends still have contact, they often try again and again. As Jonathan Garcia-Allen says in his article "The chemistry of love: a very potent drug", love is like a drug and you have to disengage from the other person when a relationship ends.

The evil of love is one of the most painful phenomena that can suffer human beings and is something that we all have to live. Overcoming lack of love takes time.

Related article: "Curing a broken heart: 7 keys to face the lack of love"

Heartbreak hurts just like physical pain

Many people go back in search of that person because they do not have enough strength to advance alone . As I said, it is logical to want to have contact again with that someone with whom we have shared so many moments (some bad, but also many good ones).

Experiencing the desire to return to your ex does not make you weaker , because emotional pain hurts just like physical pain. In fact, scientific studies with neuroimaging have shown that the regions involved in physical pain processing overlap those related to emotional pain and social distress, as concluded in a Jaffe research conducted in 2013.

I miss my ex: what can I do?

As you see, it is logical that you think about your ex and it hurts. We have all felt this way and you are not different from others. But to the question "I think of my ex ... what can I do?", The answer is complicated. Why? Because many factors influence and each situation is different.

First you must assess the reason for the break (trying to do it in the most objective way possible and, if necessary, asking for second opinions) and then it is necessary to reflect on whether it really is healthy for you to come back with that person. Sometimes, the desire to return is conditioned by your low self-esteem, the fear of being alone or emotional dependence.

You should also bear in mind that it is not the same thing that a relationship is broken by a simple fight that because there has been an infidelity or a lack of respect since the beginning of the courtship. So with respect to what you should or should not do, that answer should be based on the situation.

After evaluating it, then you must decide if you want to continue fighting or not for a love that is worthwhile, taking into account at the same time the predisposition of the other person: If you make it clear that you do not want to resume contact, you have to respect that .

The answer: work on you

Now, there is something you should do when you think about your ex. The first of all is accept that relationships can break , and second, fight for your own personal development. In other words, the only thing you can do at this moment is to focus on who loves you the most, that is, on yourself.You must strive to develop yourself as a person, to know yourself better, to know what your motivations and needs are and, above all, to take action in order to achieve your goals.

Frequently, when a relationship ends, when spending so much time with another person, one must regain autonomy and learn to be alone.

It is not good to rush, because this is a period that can help you grow and develop as a person. Investing in you is the best way for the other to notice you again. Your goal, however, should not be that, but get to be who you really want to be. If the other person decides to complement you, welcome .

Advantages and disadvantages of returning with your ex

If after working on yourself and feeling good about who you are you still still think you want to go back to your ex, you must be clear that returning with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend has a series of advantages and disadvantages.

The advantages of getting back with your ex are :

You already know him: the situation may have gotten worse in recent months, but you know that person because you have shared many moments with him or her.

You know he loved you: many times the relationship is broken by different conflicts, but the feeling is still alive among you. If the cause of the break has not been very traumatic, there may still be some chance to save this incredible feeling.

You can learn from mistakes: conflicts, if solved in a mature way, can be a great opportunity to grow.

You can be more united: if you manage to overcome these conflicts, the union among you can be even greater.

It can be good if there are children in between: especially if you have children, they can benefit from your return. As long as the conflicts are solved.

You take away the urge to try it: you take away the spiked nails and you can try again. Maybe this time it works.

The disadvantages to go back with your ex are:

It may not be the same: the damage can be so great that the connection between you has been lost. And also respect.
You close the doors to something new: endeavoring to return with an ex can make you not meet other interesting people who may contribute more.
It prevents you from developing: going back and coming back with that person again and again takes time away from you to dedicate to yourself and does not let you get out of this vicious circle.
There may be a great grudge: if you have broken many times, the rancor accumulates.
The damage may increase: if the grudge increases, there is also more likelihood that the relationship between you ends worse than it was.

If you want to delve into these advantages and disadvantages, you can do it in our article: "6 problems and 6 advantages of getting back with your ex-partner"