Manipulators have these 5 traits in common
Surely, on occasion, You will have met a person who has convinced you what is right for you , in a timely manner it turns out that what they consider to be right for you is a perfect fit and in the end you realize that what you are doing is not your wish.
Manipulative individuals and their vices
These individuals have no qualms when requesting that you leave aside your needs for the good of all. They are people who, when they get what they wanted from you, do not even thank you.
These individuals often earn the label of manipulators, and unfortunately society is full of them . They are very skilled at making you doubt your abilities feeling vulnerable or below others. The ability they have to distort the beliefs of others strengthens them in the moment of drawing you into their playing field, convincing you that you can not do something or that you should do it your way since it is he who knows how things are going.
Its strength lies in emotional exploitation (and in emotional blackmail); this is, manage your emotions producing a feeling of guilt , an entirely unfounded guilt, and which gives rise to that you end up yielding to your wishes.
How are the manipulators?
So in this way the manipulators manage to gain control by finding reward from their prey and also in a calculated manner. In today's article we will try to identify the manipulative attitudes to put a brake on them .
1. They are specialized in detecting the weaknesses of others
Absolutely everyone has weaknesses, and they are the instrument they use to hurt you , since if you hesitate in what you believe, there is something that causes you shame and you want to hide, the manipulative person will try to find out and, if given the chance, he will be able to use it against you.
2. They will not stop until they get what they want
They show little qualms when it comes to stepping on whoever it is, for them the end justifies the means . When they are going to act, their pulse does not tremble to do what is necessary in order to reach their objectives, with all of this their behaviors usually go unnoticed since they are good actors.
3. They are insatiable
The manipulation makes them feel powerful and, as often happens with power, they always want more . Their moral principles are somewhat damaged, being aware that by themselves they are incapable of reaching an objective, but that their manipulative capacity can provide them to reach their goal making use of the merits of others, behind the backs of others. Ambition fills them, cravings that, like drugs, produce a kind of addiction.
4. They need control
The manipulator usually suffers from what is known as a superiority complex; They tend to be people with features close to self-centeredness and narcissism. They like to surpass themselves and surpass the level reached previously, in search of ever greater challenges.
However, people who feel the need to consider themselves superior to others, even perfect beings, thriving on the merits of others, denote a certain insecurity which they have the appearance of power , but in the background they hide an overwhelming fear of showing weakness.
Are all manipulators the same?
Since manipulation is an art, we can say that the gift of manipulation consists of different abilities and abilities , you can recognize different types of manipulators within this category. We know them below.
1. The inciter
A typical case, in this case opposed to the previous two cited. It boasts strength, and not only, but also a certain aggressiveness . In this case, if you are a passive person you will yield to save having to face him. In such a way that "ad baculum" the manipulator gets through coercion what he wants, is the case of antisocial personalities.
2. The discreditor
The narcissism of this subject is especially marked. It just feels perfect, it's a white blackbird, it has never broken a plate. He is the measure of things, his rule is the only one that counts. This "perfect gift" will emphasize that you're wrong every time you say something When you have the opportunity, it will highlight your shortcomings and ridicule you with your sarcasm. They are people who are dedicated to judging others but who do not usually look in the mirror if it is not to praise themselves.
3. The interpreter
This type in particular is especially harmful when it is a group of people, it can be work or family, he has a twisted, Machiavellian personality , act by extracting your words and changing their meaning, a meaning intentionally different from the message you wanted to communicate.
With this ruse It will make you want to have swallowed your words , that these were not appropriate, that you went too far or that you did not think what you were saying hurting another person. Metamorphosing in this way your words, communicating them to the person that suits you and modifying your intention, so you can end up being the bad guy in the movie.
4. The victim
To this subject the world has hurt him, he keeps complaining that everything bad happens to him and asking himself "why me?". He focuses a lot on his own pain, shielding his reprehensible attitudes and behaviors under victimhood. He is always the most unfortunate, far above others. This type of behavioral picture is usually known as the Job syndrome .
Further, induces to think that it is the others who abuse him He demands justice and has himself as an abused innocent, in this way he creates a discourse so that you feel guilty about his misfortune and the unfairness of the world with him. So, they usually take advantage of that speech so that you lower the defense and force yourself to accede to what you ask for out of pity or guilt. Later you will be disappointed, because it is not what you really wanted, but you have already achieved your goal through your whining.
5. The remora
This kind of manipulator uses your own ego . He is capable of making you feel superior, by your side he is less than nothing, a weak and clumsy being, and is clear, unable to do anything while you do, in this way you will end up doing what he can not.
The commiseration that you produce and your own ego of strength will make you unconsciously force yourself to do what the manipulator does not want to do. In this way yours will be the consequences of such an exercise without obtaining more reward than the vacuous sensation of capacity which later will become a waste of effort for which it has not been worthwhile in addition to the consequent exhaustion.
How to protect ourselves from this type of people?
There are different types of manipulators, as we have seen. However, What precautions can we take to avoid falling into their psychological games?
1. Be aware
The first thing we should do is become aware of the manipulation. There are rights that are inviolable and that can not be transferred , those rights are the following:
- To be treated with respect.
- To establish your own priorities.
- To express your opinion and how you feel.
- To defend yourself physically or emotionally.
- To say "no" without feeling guilty.
If you relate to someone and feel that your rights are being impaired, consider that you may be the victim of a manipulator .
2. Saves the safety distance
Keep the distance emotionally , just like when driving, we maintain the safety distance so as not to run into the other vehicle and save an accident. Do not let anyone invade your space or approach your spider web to avoid being hunted. No one can hurt you without your consent.
3. You are not to blame
If you answer no to any of the questions mentioned above, consider that you may be the victim and not the other way around. There are certain aspects of the reality that surrounds you over which you can exercise control, however, most things are not in our hands, so, you are not to blame for what is happening around you , so that if you start to feel that way, try to find out what happens.
- Do you think that what you ask is reasonable?
- In your opinion what should I say?
- Are you asking me or do you tell me?
Issues like these will make the manipulative subject that has been betrayed and probably look for another person to cheat.
4. Take your time
Do not respond to their demands immediately, you must first reflect . The manipulators, frequently, exert pressure on their victims so that they do not delay at the moment of accessing their demands. Knowing how to recognize these moments is fundamental so as not to let the pressure of the moment make yield to rationality, causing the interests of others to pass us by.
5. Do not hesitate
Do not hesitate in your convictions and stay firm in your affirmations . The manipulators are very skilled at interpreting your non-verbal communication, if you are not aware of it and will exercise more pressure until you finally give in.
In conclusion, if you run into a person who acts like this it is necessary that you manage to unmask it. If possible, you should try to help that individual so that he becomes aware that his behavior negatively affects others and, above all, himself. In any case, do not hesitate and use all these tools that you now know to avoid being a victim of their manipulation.
- Campbell, W. K .; Miller, J. D. (2011). The Handbook of Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Theoretical Approaches, Empirical Findings, and Treatments. John Wiley & Sons. p. 154
- Lynam, D.R .; Gaughan, E.T. (2011). «Assessing the basic traits associated with psychopathy: Development and validation of the Elementary Psychopathy Assessment (in English)».Psychological Assessment 23 (1).
- Paulhus, D. L .; Williams, K.M. (2002). «The Dark Triad of Personality». Journal of Research in Personality 36: pp. 556-563.