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Mature love: why is the second love better than the first?

Mature love: why is the second love better than the first?

May 6, 2021

Many films, songs or novels are inspired by love, this feeling so intense that it is able to leave feelings and feelings that are hard to forget.

Mature sweethearts and first-time loves

Throughout our life we can fall in love sometimes, and sometimes people even fall in love several times . But the first love can be love so intense that madness can take over us. Now, after recovering our sanity, the experience of this first failed love can allow us to live the next love in a different way; in a more mature way.

The idea that the first love is the only and the most important in our life is a mistaken belief. The first love can be unforgettable, but that does not mean that it is the love of our life. To love you also learn, and for a relationship to work, you also have to learn how to make it work . If you just left him with your partner and you feel that you will never love again with such intensity, do not despair. You can love again and you can love better.


Recommended article: "The 6 uncomfortable truths about the breakup of a couple"

Love is also over

The first love comes almost without realizing it, it invades us, and when we realize it, we are so deep inside it that going out is not an easy task. If the first love ends, to touch again with the feet on the ground, with reality, is complicated . The lack of love is a process that can be very long for some people, especially the first love. As the lack of experience in overcoming this type of ups and downs can lead some individuals to depression.

Those who have been there know that sadness can be left behind and the motivation to live can recover, but this requires time. To return to normality is a process, and at the point of leaving behind everything we have lived, there are many memories that hit our minds. Certainly, it is not easy to accept that the situation has come to an end, that the other person, the one we have loved so much for the first time, will rebuild his life without us and all that he has lived will be left behind to never return. Therefore, to overcome the lack of love, it is necessary to overcome a series of stages of mourning .


If you want to know more about the stages of heartbreak, visit our post: "The 5 phases to overcome the grief of the couple breakup"

After the first love ... comes the existential crisis

From small, culture molds our way of thinking. Our vision of love, therefore, is influenced by it. We believe that love is like in movies, something that is not in accordance with reality. When the first love ends, it's time to reeducate ourselves, to be realistic and to leave behind some irrational thoughts that can hurt us a lot.

And of course, re-educating implies breaking with old mental schemes . When we realize that our way of thinking no longer works, we can suffer an existential crisis. The existential crisis clouds us and makes us feel that we do not know the path we must follow. This can be mentally exhausting and can cause emotional problems. At least until we meet again with ourselves to go afloat.


In this stage of growth we end up looking for a new life in which a new love story can gain prominence. For this, it is necessary to learn from the past and reconnect with ourselves. That is when we can reopen our hearts to love to fall in love again.

Related article: "Existential crisis: when we do not find meaning in our life"

Leaving to mature love

Luckily, human beings have a great capacity for adaptation and we can learn from past experiences. The first love is usually an irrational love in most cases (although not always). And although it is usually an enormously rewarding experience at the beginning, the suffering it leaves can be one of the most unpleasant situations that we have to live in this life. But like any existential crisis, learning this experience can make us grow enormously as people and can allow us to discover mature love .

Mature love is the one that lasts, because even though the flame of irrational love can be very intense, it dissolves in its own fire. Mature love is a love that feeds on understanding , of respect on the part of the two members of the couple. The mature love relationship is free and is based on communication and negotiation. This love is not born, it is built through time and care is taken. It lasts because it is the true one.

Do you want more tips on how to make your relationship work? In our article "The 7 keys to having a healthy relationship" you will find all the information you need.


Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships | Joanne Davila | TEDxSBU (May 2021).


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