My ex-partner is with another: how can I get over it?

March 26, 2024

One of the most complicated situations we can experience is lack of love. Although, when we fall in love, we can live in a cloud, leaving it with the person we love so much can cause great sadness and affect our life in a negative way.

Possibly, the lack of love is one of those life experiences that lead us directly to the existential crisis: our self-esteem is seriously damaged and we do not know very well where we should go in life . Of course, the lack of love is overcome, although sometimes we need time.

Recommended article: "The 14 types of couple: how is your relationship?"

When they break our hearts and leave us for another

But if leaving it with someone is complicated and painful, it is even worse when that person we have loved begins a relationship with another person right after leaving us, or worse, they leave us for another.

We can feel like real failures, we can blame ourselves for not knowing how to maintain a relationship, we can feel inferior to believe that their new partner is better for us and, worse, we can believe that we are not worthy people because the other person has redone their life and we are not able to do it.

Well, even in these moments of extreme emotional pain, it is possible to leave strengthened and learn from this traumatic experience . Below you can find a series of tips to achieve it.

1. Accept it

One of the shortcomings that people have is that we usually blame ourselves very easily and not value our achievements enough. And this situation, in which it seems that we are the culprits of this story, we can get to crush ourselves in such a way that it becomes difficult not to spend a single night without crying and without sleeping.

Affirming that losing the person you love and also seeing how he resumes his life with someone and that it is easy to accept him overnight is a mistake, as the impact of the first news we have leaves us seriously touched.

Now, it is also true that human beings have an amazing ability to adapt, and it is these moments that make us grow as people. Therefore, the sooner we accept what has happened, knowing that it is a slow process and that it requires will, before we will be afloat and we will be able to enjoy life again.

If in addition to losing your partner you have suffered an infidelity, you can read our article "Overcome an infidelity: the 5 keys to get it"

2. Express what you feel

This complicated situation, in addition to painful can be embarrassing . It is normal that we do not want to talk to anyone and that we decide to keep all that pain inside so as not to look like weak people. But many times, expressing what we feel with those people of trust can suppose an emotional catharsis that will help us to feel better. Now, it is not good to recreate this bad experience over and over again, so it is necessary to move forward.

3. Do not take it as a battle

It is hard to see that the other person has managed to rebuild his life and has done it with another, but this is not a battle . Everyone needs their time to overcome the lack of love, and even if your partner is with another, does not mean that he has overcome. There are people who do not know how to be alone because of their low self-esteem and their emotional weakness. Therefore, instead of focusing on your ex, direct attention towards you and your dreams and needs.

4. A new opportunity for you

A break always hurts, especially when you love the person you've been with, but as the saying goes, pain is learned. Now you do not share your time with anyone, so you have all the time in the world to know yourself and fight for your personal development. Fall in love with yourself and success is assured .

5. The fault is not yours

It is easy to blame when the relationship has not ended well because nobody likes to be the culprit , and at the moment of leaving the relationship, the two members remove all the dirty rags at once, because anger and resentment usually appear. It is possible that part of the fault of the rupture is yours, but not all. So do not feel guilty and instead of using the time to blame yourself, use it to change what you need in your life so you can grow.

6. Do not compare yourself

And if it's not good to blame yourself, neither is comparing yourself with your partner or with your new boyfriend or girlfriend . As I said, your ex may be with another because he does not know how to be alone. It is also not good that you compare yourself with the other person because you have talents, skills and a way of being different, and that does not mean that you are worse. Accept how you are, seek to grow every day, and there will be another person with whom you will fit.

7. Avoid the places you can cross

It is necessary, when you finish a relationship, to avoid those places where you can cross paths with your partner , since the lack of love is not linear, that is, there are ups and downs.If you spend a week in which you feel better, returning to see your ex with another can make you feel the same or worse than a month ago. So go on with your life and do not de-emphasize yourself.

8. Avoid looking for

And avoiding those places where you can cross paths with your partner also includes looking for him, for example, through social networks. In the lack of love, what counts is the all or nothing, since when we fall in love our brain suffers a cascade of neurochemicals similar to what happens in the brain of a drug addict. In the lack of love, we can become obsessed and depressed with great ease, because serotonin levels fall.

Related article: "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug"

9. Focus on you

In addition, the all or nothing means that we can remake our lives and focus on ourselves without having to be thinking about the other person continuously. At first it may cost, but over time our brain regains stability and, therefore, It is easier to focus on our personal development, which is key to overcome any breakup of a couple .

10. Seek psychological support if necessary

Sometimes, but, suffer the lack of love and see that our partner is with another can affect different areas of our lives and for a very long period of time. In these cases, it is necessary to go to psychological therapy to learn new skills to relate, change some negative beliefs that may be affecting our lives and increase our self-esteem. The psychologist can help you overcome this difficult stage of your life.