Permissive families: the 4 risks of this type of parenting
Being a parent is not an easy task, it is usual to constantly doubt whether you are being too permissive or too strict about the behavior of your children. However, as parents a degree of authority must be exercised that can vary according to the context.
In relation to this type of authority, there are three styles of parenting that vary according to the level of permissiveness and power that parents exercise over their children. In this article, we will talk about permissive families ; what they consist of, how the children are and what disadvantages or mistakes can be made in this type of parenting.
- Related article: "The 8 types of families and their characteristics"
How are permissive families?
There are different ways or styles of parenting to which the parents can choose according to their personal characteristics, vital priorities or according to the environment that surrounds them.
These types of styles are the authoritarian or democratic upbringing, in which there are a series of norms and rules of more or less rigid upbringing, or the style of permissive upbringing, which occupies us in this article, and that is characterized by leave a great margin of freedom to the behavior of young sons and daughters .
Permissive families are considered the opposite of the authoritarian parenting style. In these cases, parents exercise little or no control over the behavior of their children, letting them make their own decisions on everything, even when it is not possible for them to have sufficient reason to do so.
However, it is not about letting children follow their instinct, ignoring them or not worrying about their needs. Fathers and mothers who are members of permissive families tend to be very affectionate , always showing their emotions and thoughts to the children.
In this line, another point that characterizes these families is the fluidity in the communication between its members; sometimes becoming excessive in terms of the level of adequacy of certain information. It is common for children to be treated as equals, regardless of their age, which sometimes precipitates conversations or statements disproportionate to their age and reasoning ability.
- Related article: "Child attachment: definition, functions and types"
Characteristics of children
In comparison with children raised in another type of environment or with another type of upbringing, the children of permissive families tend to be more cheerful and cheerful; at least initially. However, over time they have to develop a low self-esteem because they do not know how to face tasks appropriate to their abilities.
In addition, the fact of having been raised without any schemes or guides for social interaction present many problems when communicating or interacting with other people, being too insistent and, at times, somewhat uncontrolled.
Come to adolescence, a stage already difficult for any child, they tend to transgress any type of social norm, making a constant search for external limits.
- Maybe you're interested: "Low self-esteem? When you become your worst enemy"
Parenting errors in permissive families
Parents are first and foremost people, and as such are liable to make certain permissible errors in the education of their children. However, there are parenting styles, such as permissive families, which tend to present more errors or disadvantages than others in which a minimum of standards are applied in the child.
These parenting errors have to do with the granting of any desire that the child demands at any time, the association of the feeling of happiness with the satisfaction of these desires, the lack of acceptance of some emotions such as disappointment or sadness and a decrease in the self-esteem of the boy or girl .
1. Grant all the wishes of the son
Giving the children any desire or demand that they express can suppose the development and empowerment of a low tolerance to frustration, insofar as these desires are only solved at home.
The moment the child finds out that he will not always be able to get everything he wants, frustration can turn into irritability, aggression and low self-esteem , and in addition, will not be able to understand the limits and authority figures present in other external fields.
These desires can go from wanting to play more hours than established, go to bed late at night, watch certain television programs or even want parents to buy anything or take you to a certain place.
2. Associate happiness with the satisfaction of desires
These children tend to believe that other people have an obligation to fulfill their wishes or desires, since it is practically the only thing they know. Therefore, you will live with a constant need to get something since this is the only thing that will bring you happiness .
In addition, in the long run this will affect the relationship between parents and children since, surely, at some point these parents will not be able to monopolize all their desires.
- Related article: "What is frustration and how does it affect our life?"
3. Intolerance to certain feelings and emotions
When the child learns to live surrounded by satisfying feelings and without any contact with less rewarding emotions, but necessary for good psychological functioning, it eliminates tolerance to negative feelings such as sadness or disappointment .
This fact will entail that the child tries, by all possible means, not to experience these emotions since for him they will be absolutely unbearable.
As a result, it is very likely that he will end up carrying out destructive and damaging behaviors for himself.
4. Lack of discipline, self-control and self-esteem
Children raised in environments without any discipline, will not be able to develop the ability to establish their own limits and therefore, both in adolescence and in adulthood will experience serious difficulties in achieving their goals or objectives; since discipline and self-control will be something alien to them .
These problems in self-regulation and in achieving one's own goals will also have a negative impact on the person's self-esteem. Reducing your ability to value yourself positively.
