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Self-love: reasons to grow it, and how to do it in 5 steps

Self-love: reasons to grow it, and how to do it in 5 steps

July 19, 2024

Self-esteem is a very important ingredient to enjoy psychological well-being . Whatever is done, if we do not give it value, it will not have any meaning or contribute to us feeling good about who we are.

However, self-love is something that is usually seen in a very distorted way, since most people think of it as the result of reaching certain vital goals that we all supposedly share: being popular, having a certain purchasing power, having the ability to be attractive, etc. This is an illusion, as we will see.

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Why self-esteem is important

Self-esteem, associated with self-esteem, is something that leads all the positive emotional charge linked to our self-concept . Let's say that on the one hand we have information about who we are and what we have done in our life, and on the other hand we have the emotions associated with that kind of autobiography and that concept of the Self.


Self-love can be so important that it will lead us to radically change our short, medium and long-term goals if we feel that what we have been doing for some time, even if we do it well, does not speak well about who we are. That is why it is necessary to stop to listen to it and regulate well the emotions that mediate it when it comes to providing us with "glasses" with which we judge ourselves.

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How to increase self-esteem: 5 tips

First of all, we must bear in mind that self-love is not something that is cultivated simply with introspection and reflection. This psychological aspect is part of the emotional dimension of the human being, which goes beyond our ability to use logic, to reason. While the power of reason can help, is not by itself enough to work self-esteem . This can be seen already in the first advice of the series that we will review next.


1. Rate your reference group

Self-love always depends on our reference group. If we assume that normality is, for example, fitting into a group of elite students at Harvard, in case of not reaching the academic goals that others achieve, it will make a dent in our self-esteem, since in that social circle this is something highly valued, especially because of its competitive nature.

However, having exactly the same capabilities and personality, we could have a very good self-esteem in another richer and heterogeneous social environment. The key is that our way of socializing, and the spaces we choose to socialize , they create the frame of reference from which we begin to value our own competences. Regardless of whether the latter we do in a rational way or not, the first is something that escapes the reason.


So, first of all, assess whether your frame of reference is adequate or create expectations that are not realistic. It is not about raising or lowering the level; it is also about stopping to think if those personal traits in which the people of those social environments are set to attribute value are something that really has a meaning for us . For example, in the case of Harvard students, the grades obtained can matter a lot, but this criterion may not be worth anything in another social circle in which the main thing is creativity and even social skills and sense of humor.

In short, self-love is greatly influenced by the reference group and the way in which we would be valued according to their criteria, but we can also assess whether that reference group satisfies us or not.

2. Stay away from eternally negative people

There are people whose strategy to socialize consists of doing that other people feel bad about themselves . It may sound like something that does not make sense, but in fact it does, if certain conditions are met. If a relational dynamic is created in which the person is receiving constant criticism from others, it creates the idea that the critic is very valuable to be able to "see" those imperfections in others, and therefore remain at his side is a way to gain value in the eyes of others.

This type of social ties, of course, act as a mortgage for self-love; is constantly receiving unnecessary and gratuitous criticism simply by habit, and in return you get a supposed advantage if it only serves while we stay close to the other person.

To end this type of relationship, either by physically moving away from the person or facilitating their change, is necessary so that self-love does not continue to wear away.

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3. Assess your strengths and weaknesses

Having literally pointed out those characteristics of ours that we interpret as imperfections and those that we believe are positive, helps us have a reference about what our initial state is .

Thanks to this, it will be easier to detect those moments in which our emotional state of the present is distorting our self-concept even more, which in itself is somewhat mobile and arbitrary.

For example, if we believe that our ability to listen and have deep conversations is good, but something happens that makes us feel bad and we happen to see this also as an imperfection , we will have reasons to think that it is not a correct conclusion. And if something happens that leads us to think of a feature that appears as an imperfection in that record, it will be easier to think of the limitations of this, in that it does not constitute the totality of what we are, since many other similar features share the same hierarchy that she in the list of defects and strengths.

4. Learn

Self-love is also cultivated by doing something that shows us that we are making progress. If we believe that our social skills are bad and that this should not be the case, the simple fact of working that side of us will make us think better about ourselves, since it puts the scope of us the possibility of checking progress.

5. Meet people

The more people you know, the easier it will be to meet those you connect with , and that see in us qualities that others did not see. As we have seen, one thinks of oneself fundamentally from the adjectives and semantic category that he is accustomed to using with others. If the words and concepts that can be used to refer to our positive qualities are little used in a social circle, we will be unlikely to notice them.


5 Actual, Real Ways to Practice Self Love (July 2024).


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