Sex: 5 reasons not to have sex
"Sex is the most fun thing you can do without smiling"
-Woody Allen
Without a doubt, sex is a source of positive stimuli, self-knowledge , of pleasures of various types and an activity that by the release of dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin helps to increase well-being and self-esteem.
But there are times when sex becomes our enemy, in a "task" that is related as a cause or as a consequence to low self-esteem.
5 moments in which sex can lower your self-esteem:
1. Infidelity
The first case is about the most talked about since monogamy is practiced. From Sternberg's perspective of the love triangle based on intimacy / passion / commitment, it is understood that a couple sharing these three axes should not have shortcomings that would make them look for emotions and sensations in another sexual partner.
Infidelity is a hidden action, outside the limits of a previous agreement, an attack on the trust of the couple and of course, generates feelings of guilt and in most cases anxiety and a low self-esteem to feel that you are betraying someone you love, so your idea of yourself gets worse when you see how you do not show positive attributes such as loyalty, empathy, sincerity and fidelity.
Did you know? The introverts they are more likely to be unfaithful ...!
2. Sex to raise social self-esteem
Social recognition releases dopamine and endorphin, so a very powerful extrinsic motivation is to act so that people identify you as a successful individual, winner, someone alpha and many people use sexual success as an immediate lift of their social self-esteem .
In this case there is also a "reification" of the sexual partner, since it becomes a simple number, a tool to be able to continue at the top of the social pyramid that values sexual success as a merit to be taken into account .
Although it is true that this assessment helps improve self-esteem, it is a double-edged sword, since you are building a self-esteem based on an external assessment and you will be generating a sexual and social identity dependent on that appreciation. That is, it is more than self-esteem, "another esteem "So it is very unsound and makes us captive to the opinion of others, leaving aside our own sexual identity and being slaves of what people expect from us.
Did you know? Self-esteem also has a sexual dimension Y it is defined as the security or confidence that we have regarding sex .
3. Sex as a way to get love or attention
If in point two we talked about the individual who has sex to get the approval of the group, in this case it is about people with great lack of affection and that from experience they have learned that in many cases before, during or after sex they get that affection even for a short period of time.
Usually occurs in cases where the self-esteem is very low in addition to having a small social circle or low social skills to demand love for their environment. So to get that love, they exchange sex for a while of interest or affection.
This is one of the most difficult cases because the person has to learn to love their environment when they need it, to be more assertive to be respected and above all to love themselves more. Precisely this profile is the one that most often becomes a "number" in the list of those who use sex to increase their social self-esteem.
Did you know? It is proven that there are tricks to increase self-esteem considerably in a week.
4. Sex addiction
Like all addictions , every time you fall into the behavior to which you are addicted there is a drop in self-esteem and a feeling of emptiness and guilt. In addition to a fact that is popularly unknown and is that the sex addict (or hypersexual) has such high awareness that enjoyment is minimal.
In addition, this addiction falls within the category of behavioral addictions such as addiction to work, the internet or risky sports, where the addiction is not a substance in itself but the substances that are generated in the brain when performing the activity.
As with all addictions, there is a psychic dependence , an increase in tolerance and a withdrawal syndrome. Accordingly, having sex as a compulsive activity completely loses its pleasant side.
Did you know? All behavioral addictions are related to a low level of self-control, not only behavioral but also emotional .
5. Sex to avoid problems
Another that has to do with couples. All couples have conflicts . Without exception.Accepting it is a necessity in order to build a healthy relationship. Some of these conflicts are so complex that people are totally unable to solve them, although the conflict without solution can turn into a time bomb.
Well, many couples mistakenly learn that sex is a patch Ideal to cover up that conflict and give as finalized the discursión with a session of sex. As if that sex, for pleasure, meant that the conflict has ceased to exist. And, in the most behavioral way possible, they incorporate sex in a habitual way to their ritual of problem solving .
This negatively influences our personal self-esteem in the medium and long term, since the conflict we do not know how to solve will periodically arise in our life as a couple, becoming an element that can directly affect self-concept.
Did you know? Couple therapy in a very high percentage of cases focuses on helping couples to improve your communication .
