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Techniques to link: what works and what does not

Techniques to link: what works and what does not

August 16, 2022

The techniques to link are an increasingly widespread claim within current literature, in which psychology has much to say.

However, not all the things that have been published on this complex topic are useful or based on scientific criteria, beyond the inventiveness of some daring author, as is the case with the widespread suggestion of combining praise with a veiled criticism of the type: "what a beautiful dress you wear, I've seen many women". Of course this is a good way to remind you of one, but we must do without it, generating a negative impact on the other person.

Since there are differences in the dynamics of the desire of men and women , we will start talking about those techniques to link different for each other, to finish talking about which aspects are common in both cases.


  • Maybe you're interested: "10 tips to flirt (and how you should never seduce)"

Differences between sexes in the techniques for linking

These are the aspects in which both sexes are distinguished from each other in terms of attraction.

1. Show interest and generate doubt

The prototype of choice of love in the case of men is more related to the object itself (to the qualities or the physical), what in psychology we call object choice, while women make a narcissistic choice, that is, they focus more on how much they want them than on how their object of desire is . That is why, during the couple's relationship, women need to listen more often than they do.


Therefore, a useful resource is found in the direct expression of the man of how much interest the woman generates. However, in the first moments of flirtation, raising the question of whether or not the man is interested in them is effective (according to a study published by the University of Virginia and Harvard).

2. The smile

Men prefer smiling women but women are not influenced in such a positive way by this quality (according to a study published at Columbia University), but by signs of affliction, shyness and low look of man , in a timely manner.

3. Listening

Although we all like to feel heard and this capacity is valued in a generic way (not only in intimate relationships but in any social bond) we must bear in mind that women speak more than men, data verified by the University of Maryland in which they find that there is a higher percentage in the brain of the protein responsible for language, and they have a greater need to communicate verbally . Thus, a man who knows how to listen is more likely to attract the female sex, while this characteristic is less valued by men.


4. Intelligence

Again attractive for both sexes, but with a nuance. Unfortunately, an excess of intelligence in the case of women can intimidate men , as revealed in a study published by the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

5. The sense of humor

The sense of humor is a desirable aspect for both sexes but with a difference: according to a study by Eric Bressler, women are more focused on men who make them laugh while they value women more than laugh at their jokes .

Common aspects in men and women

This is what both sexes share in relation to the techniques to link.

1. Scents

We know that we are conditioned by the Halo Effect, that is, the first impression is usually important regarding the subsequent evaluation we make of someone. Although our physical qualities can not be modified, if we have a resource to "manipulate" how they are perceived by others to be more attractive: the smell.

In fact, we process the olfactory stimuli in a brain region that also receives visual information, so that one intervenes in the processing of the other. Cosmetics companies know perfectly the effect that scents generate us and make their perfumes with pheromones to attract the opposite sex.

2. Triangle eyes-mouth

Another trick is to look at the eyes-mouth triangle while the conversation is held to awaken the interlocutor's sexual desire, which also works as an indicator of the other's desire (not when you only look in the eyes).

3. Repeat the name

The human being is narcissistic by nature (And I do not mean the pejorative character of the colloquial term, but the psychological concept), for that need to feel valued and recognized. That is why we like to hear our name spoken in the mouths of others. Therefore, repeating the name of the person to whom we are going and pretending to seduce is a powerful reinforcer of the bond.

Four.The group effect

Although we usually seek privacy when we want to earn the interest of someone, the first contacts it is preferable to have them in a group than alone . According to an investigation carried out by the psychologist Drew Walker, we are more attractive when we are in a group than in an isolated way, since the common features are more desirable than the rare ones.

5. Analysis of non-verbal language

Knowing how non-verbal language is interpreted, we can know both the receptivity of the other by their positions and the way in which we have to manifest ourselves to convey interest. For example, refrain from crossing ankles or arms during courtship as this gesture denotes in the first case doubt and in the second rejection.

Another common mistake is to look at the position of the head during the conversation, when what really gives us a reference to the interest that others have is that the position of the torso and legs are directed to us.

A gesture well known and popularly related to women is to touch their hair. More than a sign of interest to them (that too), it is a resource for them, since it works as a powerful catch-up of a man's attention that the woman touch discreetly.

  • Related article: "The 5 practical keys to master non-verbal language"

The techniques for linking are not infallible

That said, do not lose sight of the fact that although scientific research, the study of the mind and the analysis of our corporality have shed light on some aspects to take into account when linking, these indications can not be taken as a dogma since there are many exceptions to the rules.

The art of seduction is something very personal where naturalness and simplicity are the true keys to success.


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