The 10 pillars for perfect nonverbal communication
The key to being able to connect well with others is to go far beyond words: you have to know how to use good non-verbal communication. And is that, although we do not realize, we always communicate with the whole body, not only through letters, words and phrases.
The posture we use, the gestures, the expression on our face ... all this speaks about who we are and what we are feeling, whether we want it or not. Now, we can use this fact in our favor, or let it betray us by sending an inappropriate message.
Next we will review the keys to use non-verbal communication in the best possible way .
- It may interest you: "The 5 practical keys to master non-verbal language"
Why is non-verbal communication so important?
Keep in mind that communication it is long before the appearance of language . Throughout the evolution of the species through which our ancestors have passed, gestural communication was a tool without which it would have been impossible to pass information to others about their own intentions, what happens in the environment, the presence of dangers, etc.
When the language appeared, the transmission of information became more precise, but the importance of non-verbal communication was still there, since it was the pillar on which the use of words and sentences had been built .
So, we have evolved to express feelings and emotions throughout the body, and much of the effectiveness of this form of communication is that much of it is unconscious, to be so natural. Sometimes we find it difficult to find the words to express what we think, but the same does not happen with gestures: we use them spontaneously.
- Related article: "Say without saying: 8 keys to communicate better"
The basics of perfect nonverbal language
Controlling the way in which bodies communicate, both to know more about others and to transmit the information about ourselves that interests us, is something that can be achieved with practice and knowing some theoretical aspects . You can see the latter ones below:
1. Control the feet
Many times we look very closely at how we gesture with our hands and how our interlocutor does it, but if we look down we will find another of the key pieces of nonverbal communication: the placement of the legs and feet .
And it is that where they are pointing tells us a lot about what the intentions of the person are. As a general rule, the place where the points are pointing indicate what the objective is. For example, if they are placed diagonally and do not "face" the place where the person they are speaking with is, you probably want to avoid that conversation.
2. Adapt to what the other does
Adopting a posture and style of gestures similar to those of the other person facilitates the task of connecting with it.
But nevertheless, avoid "copying" those parts of the nonverbal communication that indicate distancing u hostility, focus on the others (for example, depending on each case, rhythm with which you gesticulate, degree of inclination of the head, etc). In this way, the other person will identify more with us.
- Maybe you're interested: "Chameleon effect: when we imitate the other without realizing it"
3. Avoid rigid postures
To facilitate the appearance of a fluid relationship with someone, try that non-verbal communication expresses the idea of relaxation and tranquility. This is achieved by maintaining an open posture, with relaxed muscles and without keeping the limbs stuck to the trunk.
4. Use the power of the look
Controlling the gaze well allows to regulate dynamics of kindness or domination. In this way it is possible to put a lot of emphasis on what is said, or give a moment for the other person to express their ideas without fear . Also, looking at it allows you to detect some basic emotions.
5. Contact with self reveals information
Touching some parts of one's body tells us a lot about what it feels like. Many gestures that are based on touching parts of the face , like the mouth or nose, are a sign of protection and defensive attitude, a sign that there is something in the environment that produces tension.
6. Look at the spaces
Non-verbal communication not only consists of gestures and movements, but also in the space that people around them keep. This aspect of nonverbal communication is called proxemic .
To look at those spaces and know how to control it indicates who feels most vulnerable and who feels so powerful that it invades the territory of others.
7. Maintain consistency
It is very important not to generate ambiguities in what you express through non-verbal communication . That is why it is necessary that your body does not send contradictory signals. If you want to transmit tranquility, do it with your whole body: do not relax the muscles of the face while you contract the biceps to bring your arms to the front area of the body.
8. Analyze the smiles
Smiles have a very important social role, since they allow creating moments of harmony and camaraderie. However, many times they are used for commitment, and this is something that you should be able to detect to know the mood of the person.
To know if a smile has been sincere, it is enough to analyze if crow's feet have appeared on the sides of the eyes , you let them go down a bit and if you show your teeth. If these signs do not appear, the smile is feigned.
9. Use active listening
It is important to send signals that you are paying attention to what the other person says . This is called active listening, and is based on the idea that you should give constant feedback about the impressions that the information that the interlocutor reveals is giving you. Assenting, for example, or signaling approval with other parts of the body (without interrupting the other's speech) is fundamental.
- Related article: "Active listening: the key to communicating with others"
10. Discard sudden movements
The rapid and dry movements denote nervousness and lack of control. Avoid them to allow the other person to trust you more and open up more.
The importance of practice
Many of the keys to controlling non-verbal communication are learned much better when, starting from theoretical foundations, we begin to put them into practice. Each person and situation is unique, and that is why it is sometimes difficult to recognize the styles in which each one expresses those patterns of non-verbal communication exposed here.
Thus, practicing and "training" in real time is fundamental to become proficient in the art of mastering the communication of bodies.
