The 30 signs of psychological abuse in a relationship
In my consultations, when I observe indications that a situation of psychological and emotional abuse l, I usually use a series of questions that I have taken home as homework.
The goal is for my patients to assess how many items on that list are met , only during the week that remains until the next session. They have to write down next to each question, the situations and dates in which these behaviors are produced in order to create a record of the dimensions of the problem.
Identify camouflaged psychological abuse
It is striking that a high percentage of my patients, when they reach the third or fourth appointment, come with a high degree of anxiety, as they become aware of the situation of psychological abuse in which they find themselves, and l most of the criteria they assumed as "normal" issues that occur in a relationship .
This is one of the most damaging aspects of psychological abuse: as it is not physical abuse, it is more difficult to detect and identify as something that should not occur in a healthy relationship. That is why it is very necessary to take some time to reflect on the extent to which you are living or reproducing forms of psychological abuse.
The 30 signs that your partner may be abusing you psychologically
This is a brief list of types of behavior that serve to identify cases of psychological abuse in a couple. They are raised in the form of questions so that they are more accessible and easier to relate to the experiences of each person.
1. Do you control the money you spend? Do you have to ask your partner for money? Do you ask for permission when buying something, either for yourself or for the house?
2. Does it tell you how you have to dress? If you go in some way that you do not like, you get mad at yourself for it and decide to change your clothes? Are there garments that you no longer wear because you know that you do not like that you are going like this and you are going to have problems because of it?
3. Are you angry if you spend more time with your friends or family than you think is necessary?
4. Do you have sex even if you do not feel like it because if not, you get angry?
5. Count how many times you do things that you do not want or with which you do not agree to avoid a discussion.
6. Do you control your phone and your social networks?
7. Do you have to inform him of your schedules?
8. Does it diminish your personal or professional achievements?
9. When you do something for your partner, do you appreciate it or do you feel it is your obligation?
10. Organize your free time? Do you feel that in leisure time you have to consult him in what to invest your time?
11. When you have a problem, do you minimize it with comments? of the kind: that's nothing, you complain about vice, etc.?
12. When there has been a discussion, in the majority of the occasions you give yourself still being right because you could spend days without speaking to yourself and making yourself empty?
13. If you have a problem outside the couple's area, Makes you feel responsible for it ?
14. Does it make you feel that you would not know how to move forward if you were not by his side?
15. Do you feel guilty when you get sick?
16. If you are in public, Are you afraid to say what you think in case it brings consequences with your partner?
17. Do you use emotional blackmail often to achieve your goals?
18. Do you remember one and a thousand times the mistakes you have made?
19. Have you stopped telling your relationship problems to your environment because you know that if he found out he would get angry?
20. Are you afraid of telling him some things because you know that his reaction can be disproportionate?
21. Do you notice that when the same fact is done by another person, you value it more positively than if it is you who do it?
22. Do you feel uncomfortable if someone of the opposite sex looks at you in case your partner realizes it and could be the reason for another discussion?
23. Do you feel that you need your approval in everything you do, or even think?
24. The way in which it is addressed to you has changed becoming imperative?
25. Do you feel that you can not be yourself when you are with your partner?
26. Linked to the previous one, do you feel that even without it, when you want to be yourself you think that maybe it bothers you and you stop doing the things you wanted?
27. Does he treat you as if he were your father / mother instead of your partner ?
28. Do you make important decisions without taking your opinion into account?
29. Does it make you doubt your abilities?
30. Do you feel fear?
Consequences of emotional and psychological abuse
Once the task is done, and once in consultation, I value with the victims the consequences of this psychological abuse , which are usually these:
- Physical discomfort
- Low self-esteem
- Loss of social relationships leading many times to isolation
- Sensation of having stopped being the person that was
- Stress
- Anxiety
- Depressed mood
- Alterations of sleep patterns
- Problems in feeding
- Addiction to different types of substances (which include benzodiazepines and alcohol)
- Neglect and carelessness in the physical aspect
- Irritability
- Apathy
- Feelings of impotence and uselessness
- Indecision
- Insecurity
- Emotional dependence
- Attacks of anger directed at other people
- Sexual inability
- Feelings of shame and guilt
- Feeling weak
- Difficulty in decision making
- Culpability
- Coping mechanisms based on flight
- Feelings of inferiority
In turn, these effects of psychological abuse make the climate within the relationship continue to worsen further, which has serious consequences for the victim.
Taking conscience to be able to abandon the dynamics of abuse
The first step in dealing with psychological abuse is knowing how to identify its signs , something difficult because they are dynamic do not occur from one day to another and are subtle signals of which we hardly notice.
The intention of this article is to be able to become aware of this, and if we feel identified to be able to break the emotional dependence that generates us . The first step is to be able to identify the existence of psychological abuse to assume the idea that very drastic changes have to be produced.
It may interest you: "The causes and effects of Gender Violence"
