The 5 phases to overcome the duel of the breakup of couple
Overcoming the lack of love and the break with the person we love is not easy . There are many good moments that we leave behind, and the emotional torrent that this situation generates makes us live this moment as the end of the world.
Generally, one of the two members of the relationship is the one who decides to leave it, and although it might seem that he suffers the least, that is not always the case. There are relationships that end but love is still alive . Something that complicates the transition to a new life without the loved one.
- You are interested in reading: "The 6 uncomfortable truths about the breakup of a couple"
It is not easy to accept the rupture
And of course, at the point of leaving behind everything we have experienced, there are many memories that hit our minds again and again. Certainly, it is not easy to accept that the situation has reached its end , that the other person will remake his life without us and all that he has lived will be left behind to never return.
Emotional pain can be even more devastating than physical pain, and some individuals get hooked on the couple as if it were a drug. In fact, love and drugs use the same neuronal circuits , so that psychologists recommend not having contact with the other person (at least for a time) to avoid relapses.
- You can know more about the process of falling in love and the neurochemicals involved in this phenomenon in our article: "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug"
The lack of love is not a linear process
What if!, Relapses are common in heartbreak because it is not a linear process . What I mean by this? Well, there are ups and downs. There are several phases of heartbreak that are overcome over time, but it is possible to return to the previous stages when we see the beloved again.
Because experts say that in the lack of love, as with drugs, the best is "all or nothing". At least if we want to avoid suffering for longer and avoid relapses that can lead to a greater sense of failure and greater conflicts with the former partner.
- Recommended article: "4 keys to overcome the rupture with your ex-partner"
Time becomes a great ally for the lack of love
When we stop seeing the beloved person, the neural circuits that are involved in this phenomenon weaken, and the levels of neurochemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, norepinephrine, among others, stabilize. Over time, the body adapts to change and it is possible to return to normal.
Having said that, there are people who have serious difficulties to overcome these situations , because different problems (their low self-esteem, their poor social skills ...) hinder their recovery. In these cases it is necessary to go to a psychologist specialized in this topic, and it is important to avoid the administration of drugs, since it is necessary to acquire realistic beliefs about relationships, improve the skills of relationship with others, or learn to love oneself same.
The phases of a love break
But what are the phases of lack of love that exist? What are their characteristics?
The stages of heartbreak are five and the last step is the acceptance. Each person lives the stages in their own way and the time of overcoming will depend on many factors. For example, the intensity of the feeling, the time of relationship or previous experiences of lack of love.
These are the phases of heartbreak:
1. Phase of denial and isolation
This phase is characterized because the person denies the reality and acts as if everything will continue the same (the two together) . It is a generally brief stage, which usually occurs as a form of protection, since the impact of the rupture is so great that it is difficult to assimilate it. At this stage it is important that the individual is aware of the emotions they feel and the reason why they are there. You need to see the situation in the most objective way to get more clarity.
2. Phase of anger
This phase is characterized because the person feels a strong rage and anger towards the person who has left him . If in the previous phase the person did not want to accept reality, now he feels a tremendous frustration for what has happened and blames the other person for the couple's ills. Then revenge usually appears. Sometimes, it also happens that, in this situation, the rage is directed towards oneself or the people around them (and even towards the whole world).
3. Negotiation phase
This phase can be really dangerous if it is not managed well, because in an attempt to accept the situation and approach the other person again , you can make the mistake of trying to do anything to recover the relationship. A bad approach can ruin the situation again, and even make it worse.
4. Depression phase
In this stage the person loses the hope of recovering that person who has really loved . Begins to be objective and to realize that there is no going back. So he feels really sorry for the loss of who was so special to him or her.
5. Acceptance phase
After the sadness of the previous phase, the person begins to visualize a new future . Accept that the relationship is over and that what could not be, will not be. He no longer seeks to be with the other person and feels at peace and ready to meet a new partner.
The lack of love can be overcome
As we have seen, our psyche is ready to take on and overcome a breakup of a couple. Anyway, there are some cases in which pain and bad sensations are difficult to assimilate and this can lead to some kind of psychological disorder.
If you think you are in a situation of risk, do not hesitate to contact a professional.
- Perestelo Pérez L, González Lorenzo M, Rivero Santana AJ, Pérez Ramos J. (2007) Help tools for decision making of patients with depression. Quality Plan for the SNS of the MSPS. SESCS; 2010. STD Reports: SESCS.
- Kübler-Ross, E. (2006) On mourning and pain. Editions Luciérnaga. Barcelona.