The 5 reasons why the couple's jealousy appears

The jealousy They represent one of the most remarkable problems in relationships of almost all types of psychological profiles. Is about a phenomenon that emerges from misplaced beliefs about reality and that not only negatively affects those who experience this jealousy in the first person, but also the person towards whom the obsessive thoughts are directed, and who with the passage of time can become entangled forming a difficult obstacle to overcome.

However, jealousy they do not have to always be due to the same triggers , and can appear in a variety of situations, even in cases where there is no relationship or even an intimate relationship. The existence of this great variability of "sources" of the lattice does not mean that, in general and grosso modo, basic patterns can not be found in the appearance of jealousy. Below you can learn more about the main reasons why the lattice is given to, from there, get to better understand how to deal with them.

Main reasons why jealousy arises

1. Confusing the "we" with the "me"

An important part of jealousy is usually due to mismanagement of uncertainty about what the couple does and thinks . In the most extreme cases of latticework, the simple fact of not knowing as much about the couple as what one knows about oneself is something that irritates and produces anguish, but there are also many cases of moderate latticework that feed on this same fear of the ambiguity. The belief that in a couple there must be a kind of telepathic communication through which two minds merge into one can only lead to frustration and desperate attempts to eliminate the individuality of the other person.

There is a hypothesis that traditional romantic love promotes the emergence of such beliefs, although it is not demonstrated that other models of love (such as polyamory) reduce the propensity for this source of jealousy to appear.

2. Insecurity

Insecurity is usually one of the main reasons for the lattice in all types of relationships. The insecure people tend to believe that in certain aspects of their day to day they are at a disadvantage compared to other people , and that moves them to be constantly looking for strategies to try to compensate this supposedly disadvantaged situation.

With regard to the relationship with the couple and jealousy, someone insecure may think that it is not valuable or attractive enough to "keep" the other person for a long time without making great sacrifices and without subjecting them to a certain amount of vigilance. . Of course, this is a serious problem that must be addressed by treating this person's self-image and self-esteem.

3. Certain tendency to paranoid personality

It is possible to show certain characteristics related to the paranoid personality without getting to strictly have a Paranoid personality disorder much less have paranoid schizophrenia. That means that there are a lot of people with a certain propensity to paranoid thoughts and that therefore show certain difficulties when it comes to trusting others.

As a result of this, they may end up giving malicious intentions to their friends, partners and family, and be defensive. In this case, jealousy would be a symptom of a somewhat broader problem that affects other areas of the person's social life .

4. Selective attention

Jealousy too can be part of a pessimistic view of relationships . That is to say, it is possible that someone jealous is focusing his attention only in those cases where he remembers that jealousy has ended up appearing as accurate intuitions about reality, either because they have anticipated situations of infidelity or because they have been a sign that the relationship was coming to an end.

This may be because these cases are more remarkable because its singularity that the ordinary cases in which jealousy is totally away from what happens objectively .

5. The reaction of the couple to our own jealousy

Jealousy is usually expressed through couple crisis or small conflicts. Jealousy is usually more expressed than communicated, or in other words, the person involved only comes through them from the interpretation of our own acts, not because we speak of this jealousy sincerely and openly. This makes the other person change his attitude towards us, usually showing more defensive and claiming his indinduality, doing on purpose things that "bother us" even without realizing it.

Beyond moral considerations on whether this type of reactions are correct or not, the joint effect of this attitude change coupled with our jealousy attack generates a loop of conflicting expectations and interests that often aggravates the problem.

Concluding

These are some of the reasons that are useful to explain the appearance of jealousy, but it never hurts to remember that each case is unique. They can be taken as guidelines for self-reflection and to see how jealousy they feel follows the logic described here, but they are not rigid descriptions of reality.