The 6 steps to overcome a loving rejection
Loving rejections can be ana experiences that produce more anguish and discomfort if you do not know how to manage well .
On the one hand, the self-esteem of the person who experiences it may be affected if he interprets this episode as a sign that it is worth little as a human being and that other people do not want to relate to it. On the other, rejection can be, at the same time, a way for a series of life plans and illusions to be truncated about how the relationship with the other person can evolve, which produces a disappointment that can lead to anguish or anxiety.
How to overcome a loving rejection with philosophy
However, the rejections of love do not have to be a big problem if you know how to deal with them with philosophy. Because It is worth training in the ability to adapt to these situations , which will allow us to stop avoiding the possibility of happening (fleeing from situations in which we must express our feelings) and at the same time adapt to a series of events that are beyond our control and have to do with the interests of another person .
1. Doubt of one's intentions
There is a strong social influence that pushes us to be constantly looking for a partner, even when we want to be alone. A good way to fit a rejection is to question to what extent we feel a sincere desire to be with that person . The emotional intelligence that helps us see personal relationships from an appropriate perspective is also related to the ability to review and question assumptions about our own intentions, motivations and true objectives.
That is why, to overcome a rejection, it is essential to first consider whether it is a genuine rejection, that is, if what has not been reciprocated by the other person is a true couple project.
2. Taking the situation as an opportunity
The rejection of love also can be an opportunity to train one's emotions management and become people Emotionally strong The very fact of having the ability to stand up to situations in which luck does not accompany is already a very valuable asset, and this ability can only be trained by taking advantage of moments of adversity.
Taking management of a rejection with a constructive spirit will not only contribute to the negative emotions associated with it going away as we pay less attention to them, but also helps us in our personal development plans.
3. Recognize the power of attention management
We tend to believe that our perception of reality is given by our senses, but there is another factor that we almost never consider: attention . In cases where someone does something that we feel bad, we tend to focus on the unusual aspect that causes us discomfort (his hurtful statements, his hostile attitude towards us, etc.) and we will not realize that it would be perfectly possible to perceive the same stimuli distancing us from the unpleasant aspects of the scene.
Similarly, to overcome a rejection it is important to take into account that we take the controls of our attention to direct it towards the positive (or neutral) aspects of the situation is a big part of the solution.
When we overcome a rejection, we are also overcoming the loop of negative emotions that this produces. That is why it is good to remember that a great part of the pain that triggers a rejection originates not because of what the other person has done, but because of our focus on the negative sensations and the thoughts that weigh down. We must learn to correct "manually" the tendency of our brain to focus attention on what is potentially hurtful to get out of the loop of negative emotions.
4. Avoid "suppressing" negative emotions
This step is derived from the previous one. Stop focusing on the negative aspects of rejection does not mean fighting to forget this rejection nor to show that it has not been passed through, but to reformulate this experience in other terms. Trying to mentally "block" all the memories associated with the other person does not cease to be a way of always having in mind what we intend to avoid, since both the objective and the plan to forget all of this refer to the aspects of the rejection that more we hurt. While it may be wise to stop seeing the other person as often as before for a few days, the goal of this should be to get used to new habits and have time to devote to self-reflection, not the simple fact of burying this relationship.
In short, learning to implement coping strategies to overcome a rejection of love implies having confidence in one's ability to deal with negative emotions, instead of denying them.
5. Demystifying the rejection
Just as certain people believe that the universe can conspire in their favor to help them achieve their goals, when it comes to facing a rejection of love it is possible that we perceive it as a sign that something that should go well in the face of our interests has come out very bad for reasons that we can not explain and that, somehow, we attract bad luck. This thought is not only not rational, but it can be an obstacle to promote personal projects, since it induces us to presuppose that everything will fail and that, therefore, it is better not to invest much effort in certain things .
For that reason, it is very good to have in mind a very simple fact: practically everyone has faced a loving rejection, but this is not something that usually speaks easily. If we think that a rejection is something exceptional that could only happen to us, it is because we do not have access to the private compartments of the lives of other people.
Yes, loving rejections can be very hard. But much of this feeling of anguish and discomfort have to do with taking this type of situation too seriously to believe that it is a very particular case. We magnify the drama that supposes that a person does not correspond to another as the latter would want, but the fact is that this happens constantly, as expected in living beings that do not have identical interests and interests.
6. Detect recurring thoughts
When we face situations that unleash stress or anguish, It is frequent that at the beginning we lose the ability to control our flow of thoughts just like we usually do. That is why recurrent thoughts usually appear that are in line with our mood and feed each other, producing a greater sense of discomfort in the event that emotions are negative.
Knowing how to detect recurrent thoughts related to rejecting oneself (such as "you're worthless" or "nobody wants to know anything about you") is fundamental to overcoming a rejection.