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The 83 Best Phrases of Woody Allen

The 83 Best Phrases of Woody Allen

June 16, 2024

Woody Allen is an eccentric but also very intelligent character . This director, scriptwriter, actor, musician, playwright, humorist and has a great talent, but his life has not been free of controversy.

Woody Allen quotes

Now, in this article we will not go into detail about his private life, but we are going to focus on his great cinematographic success, where he has managed to triumph and has pronounced many famous phrases.

Then you can enjoy the best quotes and phrases of Woody Allen .

1. If we humans had two brains, surely we would do twice as much nonsense

Only Woody Allen, with his witty humor, could have signed a phrase like that.


2. The sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. The sun, the milk, the red meat, the university ...

Everything in excess is counterproductive. But in moderation it can be beneficial.

3. Do you want to contribute something to humanity? Tell funny jokes

Humor and laughter provide many benefits for people.

4. I was in the living room, I heard you were drowned, I finished my tea with pudding and I came right away

Woody Allen, they are always his humorous touch. Without a doubt, an authentic character.

5. The brain? It's my second favorite organ

An excerpt from "El dormilón" (1973). In reference to the importance of the human brain. For Allen, it's not the most important thing.


6. I am ugly enough and low enough to succeed by myself

He is not an attractive guy; however, it has many qualities.

7. I hate reality, but it's the only place where you can eat a good steak

Life can have good and bad times, although sometimes bad ones predominate.

8. Gossip is the new pornography

From his work Manhattan (1979). Comparing the gossip that something that has nothing to do: pornography.

9. I am a person of healthy life and habits. I do not smoke, I do not drink and I would never sexually force a blind woman

A fun way to say that I would not sexually abuse anyone.

10. -My days as a Catholic ended when I turned 16 years old.

-My Catholic days ended when Mom found my diaphragm

A part of the script of Alice (1990), a film directed and written by Woody Allen.


11. - Do you believe in God? -I can not even take the leap of faith to believe in my own existence

From his work Sombras y niebla, from 1991. A quote about religion.

12.-Sex without love is an empty experience. -But as empty experience is one of the best

You are absolutely right in this sentence. Although not everyone will agree.

13. Fear is my most faithful companion, has never cheated me to leave with another

Taking life with humor, and talking about their fears naturally.

14. My psychoanalyst warned me of your bisexuality, but you were so beautiful that I changed psychoanalyst

An excerpt from his Manhattan film, 1979. A touch of humor that includes psychological therapy in his script.

15. -You have a problem to commit yourself: you did not know if you wanted to be a psychoanalyst or a writer.

-And I made a commitment: I became a writer and patient. Everyone says I love you

An amusing conversation that talks about how he did not leave his vocation as a psychologist to become a patient.

16. -It is my only love letter -It is beautiful -The majority is a plagiarism by James Joyce. You may have wondered what all those references to Dublin were about. Crimes and faults

Any word that comes out of your mind has a funny touch.

17. The two most beautiful words in our language are not "I love you!", But "It's kind!"

Allen can joke about serious issues such as cancer.

18. When I was a student, they threw me out of school for copying in the Metaphysical test. I looked in the soul of my schoolmate

A gimmicky way of saying that it was copied from your classmate.

19. The empty sex is better than the absence of sex, right?

From the work he directed himself, Recuerdos, from 1980. I've always liked to talk about sex.

20. Envy of penis? I am one of the few men who suffer from that

An appointment appeared in his movie Annie Hall. Talk about any topic with total naturalness.

21. Of human weaknesses obsession is the most dangerous, and the dumbest

Obsession negatively affects people's lives and can become a mental disorder.

22. A relationship is like a shark, it has to move forward or it dies. And what we have in our hands is a dead shark

Relationships can be hard and difficult. Especially when the monotony takes over them.

23. I still wonder if there is life after death. And if there is, will you change a twenty dollar bill?

A subject as delicate as death is a joke for Woody Allen.

24I love him like a brother: like Cain to Abel

In other words. It is not affection precisely what you have.

25. (About sex) I never had so much fun without laughing

In Annie Hall. And he's right in what he says. One of the most pleasurable things in life.

26. The truth is a great mystery, since few know it, that is why it turns out to be a joke every time you listen

The lie is the order of the day. Few people are honest today.

27. I can not hear Wagner so much. I want to invade Poland

Of his work "Mysterious murder in Manhattan", of 1993.

28. You can deduce that the message is that the only way to be happy is by believing in an afterlife. And they would not be wrong. I firmly believe that life is something terrifying and unstable for the rest of mortals. The only way to survive is by deceiving oneself, people are desperate to find something to believe in

A phrase that, however hard it may seem, can be very true.

29. I do not fear death, only I would not like to be there when it happens

Everyone would agree with Woody Allen in this sentence.

30. The brain is the most overrated of the organs

For Woody Allen, the brain is given too much value.

31. How do you want me to forget you when I start to forget you I forget to forget you and I start to remember you

Heartbreak is a painful stage in life, and it takes time for one to feel better.

32. Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the answer

Love can make us feel as if we live in a cloud. So it can cure many evils.

33. You have to work eight hours and sleep eight hours, but not the same

Logically, it is not the same to be awake than asleep. Neither resting nor working.

34. As a comedian, if I get someone who is standing there laughing, it does not count, because they laugh all the time

People, when we have consumed alcohol, have a good time with little.

35. I suffered from incontinence when I was little, and since I used to sleep with an electric blanket, I was continually electrocuting myself

A few words that speak of the childhood of Woody Allen himself.

36. We fell in love. Well, I fell in love, she was just there

A declaration of love from Woody Allen. Of course, with his touch of humor.

37. Retirement is for people who have spent a lifetime hating what they did

You can enjoy work and not feel that it is work or work to earn money and suffer every day.

38. Eighty percent of the success consists of being there

Luck has something to do with success. However, the attitude is also very important.

39. I had never seen such an attractive classical violinist. They are usually all Hungarian refugees

Making a joke about the violinist. Appears in his work: Memories.

40. Love is the most complex emotion. Human beings are unpredictable. There is no logic in their emotions. Where there is no logic, there is no rational thought. And where there is no rational thought there can be a lot of romance, but a lot of suffering

Emotions, if we do not manage them effectively, can create a lot of suffering.

41. Come on, confess one more time. It's free

Confess has no cost as Woody Allen says. Of course, he says it in an ironic tone.

42. In my family nobody has ever committed suicide, it was not an alternative for the middle class. My mother was too busy in the kitchen killing the taste of chicken to think about shooting herself

The low tolerance to frustration makes people get depressed at the first time.

43. The world of entertainment is a jungle, it is worse than a jungle: instead of devouring it, they stop calling on the telephone

The problem is that the entertainment world has become a business. Therefore, what dominates is money.

44. Some marriages end well; others last a lifetime

Currently, there are many couples that separate. Divorces are on the agenda.

45. Feeling guilty is important. I feel guilty all the time and I've never done anything

Actually, one should not blame himself all the time. But for Woody Allen this is a joke.

46. ​​-We are people, we are only human beings, you know? You believe yourself God. -I have to mold myself in someone's image

A reflection appeared in his cinematographic work: Manhattan.

47. Only art is controllable. Art and masturbation. Two fields in which I am an expert

This character is able to consider masturbation as an art.

48. All the prostitutes I talk to tell me it's better than working as a waitress. Working as a waitress must be the furthest office in the world. Dismantling Harry, 1997

Seen that way, it may have some logic. But not if it comes out of Woody Allen's mind.

49. After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her. And after half an hour he had completely abandoned the idea of ​​stealing his wallet

This phrase can only be understood if your work has been seen before: Take the money and run.

50. (Talking about going to the movies during the day) It's great. It's like stealing life

The cinema is an ideal place to get lost and disappear, because you can get inside the movie.

51. Sex relieves tension and love causes

A quote that invites the author to deep reflection.

52 -It is hard to believe that you have not made love in 200 years. -204 if you consider my marriage

Some words appeared in his work "El dormilón". A critique of marriage.

53. The strength of your thoughts and the reflection of your actions are the signature that you leave in this world

The attitude that a person has greatly influences the path you follow and what you achieve.

54. His transformation into a rabbi is so real, that some sectors suggest sending him to Devil's Island

A phrase taken from Zelig, one of his works. It's 1983

55. People should be paired forever as penguins or as Catholics

It is not necessary to live as a couple forever. But marriage has to do with the Catholic religion.

56. The question is: have I learned anything about life? Only this: human beings are divided between mind and body. The mind embraces all noble aspirations, such as poetry and philosophy, but the body takes all the fun.

Fun seems to be one of the fundamental values ​​of Woody Allen.

57. You use sex to express any emotion except love

Sex can be related to love, or it can simply be sex.

58. I do not know anything about suicides. Where I come from, in Brooklyn, nobody commits suicide. People are too unhappy

An ironic phrase that talks about suicide and unhappiness.

59. In politics, I favor an honest democracy. And I also believe that the American system can work

Woody Allen explains his political thoughts in this sentence.

60. I do not want to get married, I just want to get divorced

For some people, life as a couple becomes impossible to carry.

61. People want a fictional life and fictional characters a real life

There are many people who want to live a movie. Your own movie.

62. The difference between death and sex is that death is something that one can do alone and no one laughs after you

A curious, elaborate and funny comparison between death and sex.

63. For you, I'm an atheist. For God, the faithful opposition

Making clear what his position is regarding religion.

64. As a child I wanted to have a dog, but my parents were poor and they could only buy me an ant

An absurd appointment, but that has its touch of grace.

65. My grandmother never gave gifts. I was too busy being raped by Cossacks

These words may clash, but appear in his work Annie Hall (1977).

66. I have not seen my psychoanalyst in 200 years. He was a strict Freudian and if he had seen him in all this time now he would be almost healed

Meaning that he has a mental disorder and has not gone to psychological therapy to overcome it.

67. The last time I was inside a woman was visiting the Statue of Liberty

In reference to that it takes a long time without having sex.

68. There is an old joke: two older women are in a high mountain hotel and one comments, "Wow, here the food is really terrible!", And answers the other: "And the rations are very small!" . Well basically this is how life seems to me, full of loneliness, hysteria, suffering, sadness and, nevertheless, it ends too fast.

A joke that Woody Allen uses to exemplify his vision of life.

69. Honey, it was you who wanted to stop sleeping with me. April 20 will be a year. I remember the day because it's Hitler's birthday

An ingenious phrase that was pronounced in "Crimes and faults" (1989)

70. The thing about my ex-husband and I was love at first sight. I should have taken another look

From his film Crimes and Faults, a great film in which seriousness and humor reach a deep balance.

71. I admit that I was a lucky fool. If I had not been born in Brooklyn and I had done it in Poland or Berlin, today it would be a lamp

Of his work Recuerdos, which is shot in New Jersey, and is the tenth feature film by Woody Allen.

72. I do not want to move to a city whose only cultural advantage is being able to turn right with the red light

Appeared in Annie Hall. Possibly, one of the best romantic love movies.

73. -I do not know, maybe an excess of masturbation on your part. -Hey, do not mess with my hobbies!

An ingenious answer, which appears in his film "Hannah and his sisters".

74. Do not mess with masturbation. It's having sex with someone I love

As the previous appointment. Woody Allen openly advocates masturbation.

75. I have an interesting case. I am dealing with two pairs of Siamese siblings with multiple personalities. I'm paid eight people

De Zelig, one of his comedies with great psychological content.

76 - How does it feel to be dead for 200 years? -It's like spending a weekend in New York

The sleeper, 1973

77. Why do not I stop destroying my life looking for answers that I will never find, and I dedicate myself to enjoy it while it lasts?

Sometimes, people can recreate our problems.

78. I grew up in the Israelite confession, but when I became an adult I became a narcissist

A scene from his movie "Scoop", released in 2006.

79. All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. Which means that all men are homosexual

A strange relationship Only possible from the mind of Woody Allen.

80. More than at any other time in history, humanity is at a crossroads. A road leads to absolute despair. The other, to total extinction. May God have the wisdom to choose correctly

Human beings can be our worst enemies.

81. He's a great boy and a great doctor. Never lost a patient. He left pregnant two of them, but never lost any

A story that is part of one of his films. Specifically, "the one night of summer sexual comedy".

82. Do you know what my philosophy is? It is important to have fun, but you also have to suffer a little, because otherwise you do not understand the meaning of life

Living the present is the philosophy of Woody Allen and those people who want to be happy.

83. It's not bad that your father and I disagree, democracy is that. He defends the right wing of the Republican Party and I think you have to be crazy to do it

A quote about politics taken from his feature film "Midnight in Paris", which premiered in 2011.


Everything You Always Wanted Know About Sex - Gene Wilder (June 2024).


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