Toxic marriages: 10 signals to detect them
Getting married and forming a family is a goal and desire of many people, because the idea of getting married is practically a social level imposition. But marriage, in many cases, can be a very rewarding experience. Without a doubt, finding that person that makes you so happy and with whom spending the rest of your life by your side is really sensational.
But nevertheless, Marriages do not always come out as one expects , and the suffering they cause while living this type of toxic relationship can seriously affect their emotional health. Toxic marriages exist, and in this article we explain 11 signs to detect them.
- Related article: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"
Signs to detect a toxic marriage
A toxic marriage is one in which the rights of some member of the relationship seem to disappear, and the relationship is characterized by constant suffering and conflict . It is usual that when people are immersed in this toxic situation, they are not really aware of it, largely due to inertia, custom and because, in many cases, there is a certain emotional dependence on the spouse.
Below you can find a list of signs that indicate if you are living a toxic marriage. However, it is necessary to emphasize that all couples can go through bad stages and that the manifestation of any of these characteristics in a timely manner does not necessarily refer to a toxic marriage. That said, the signs to detect a toxic marriage are the following.
1. Dependence and emotional codependence
Emotional dependence turns marriage into an asymmetric relationship, and causes one of the two members to gain ground and exercise control over the other. The cause of this phenomenon is usually found in the insecurity of the dependent person, who is unable to connect with himself, and his happiness depends on others, causing a great fixation or addiction to the couple.
Emotional codependence, however, despite being a phenomenon as harmful as the previous one, occurs when a member of the couple is "addicted" to the dependence of their partner, that is, the need to help and care for their welfare . It is a kind of controller and manipulator, but more silent. Both phenomena interfere in the proper functioning of the marriage and, therefore, cause much pain to the spouses .
- Related article: "11 characteristic symptoms of emotional codependence"
2. Possessive and control behaviors
In the toxic marriages there are certain behaviors of control and possession on the part of one of the members of the couple . This one exerts a great influence on the other, who loses voice and opinion in the relationship and observes how his freedom is affected. For example, the decisions of the marriage are usually of a single member, who controls the accounts and the expenses of the other and even their social networks. All decisions go through him, and he is usually aggressive if the other gives his opinion about it.
3. Limited social life
Limited social life is also characteristic of toxic marriages , so that one or both members of the couple no longer have close ties with other people. This may occur as a result of the aforementioned control behaviors, but also due to excessive emotional dependence or fixation by the couple. Healthy behaviors are those in which the members of the couple continue to maintain their own space, and that includes, among other things, having their own friendships.
One of the toxic behaviors that causes the most damage in marriages is jealousy. The low self-esteem is usually one of the origins of this type of behavior, which make in the mind of the jealous unfounded beliefs arise about reality and, consequently, they carry out obsessive behaviors. Jealousy causes suffering to both spouses, and with the passage of time they make the marriage become a hell.
To a greater or lesser extent it is possible to experience a certain degree of latticework when we care about someone. But in a marriage of this kind toxic jealousy can manifest, for example, with behaviors such as: when a spouse constantly asks about the schedules and questions the facts of their partner, gets angry when the other spends time with friends, controls the messages of facebook secretly and is even able to go in search of the other spouse when he doubts his word.
5. Frequent conflicts
Logically, all these previous points lead to frequent conflicts . But, in addition, the communication in this type of marriages is usually inefficient and, therefore, can cause serious relational problems.In the toxic relationship, a climate of tolerance is not breathed and reconciliation is not encouraged, but quite the opposite: the problem tends to grow larger and the suffering increases.
6. It makes you suffer
Therefore, toxic marriages cause a lot of suffering and pain . And the more time spent in the relationship of this type, the worse may be the emotional level or the self-esteem of one of the two spouses. Since the relationship is asymmetric, it is inevitable that suffering appears.
Manipulative behaviors and emotional blackmail frequently appear in toxic marriages , because one of the two members acts in accordance with their interests, and blames, annoys and causes fear to the other.
The causes of these behaviors can be varied, but usually due to low self-esteem, which makes one of the spouses constantly seek confirmation of the love of their partner, causing demonstrations that the other person will not leave.
- To deepen this topic, I invite you to read our article: "Emotional blackmail: a powerful form of manipulation in the couple"
8. Loss of personal growth
People who live immersed in a toxic marriage stop growing as people. Either because they are emotionally dependent, because suffering can or because they enjoy a fragile self-esteem. The truth is that they put aside personal development behaviors and they drown in the toxic dynamics of marriage .
Respect is basic in any type of relationship, be it a couple, family or friendship. When respect is lost, it is impossible for the relationship to work and for the spouses to be happy in the marriage . The lack of respect can manifest itself in different ways, for example: when one of the members of the marriage constantly humiliates the other both in public and in private or simply is not interested in the achievements of their partner.
10. Obsession for the relationship
Toxic relationships end up becoming a vicious circle from which it is difficult to leave. Low self-esteem and emotional dependence cause that, despite the suffering, the spouses continue together, eroding more and more the relationship.
These can become obsessed with the relationship , so that no one breathes and there is neither respect nor communication and, therefore, love disappears and conflicts are present again and again.