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Verbal aggressors: how to deactivate them without leaving bad

Verbal aggressors: how to deactivate them without leaving bad

May 16, 2024

Our conception of violence has long since abandoned the rigidity of yesteryear to include many behaviors that are not based on physical aggression. Insults and verbal aggressions in general, for example, are also considered types of violence. In fact, they are the most common.

That is why it is very important to ask ourselves if we know how to deal with interactions with verbal aggressors , those people who systematically and sometimes almost unconsciously use words in order to damage the sense of dignity of others.

  • Maybe you're interested: "Verbal aggression: keys to understanding this violent attitude"

How are the verbal aggressors?

There is no demographic or socio-economic profile of verbal abusers, but certain styles of behavior that define them. For example, a low resistance to frustration and impulsivity , which makes, among other things, that they are bad following a line of reasoning in a debate or discussion.


Emotions linked to anger or contempt take the reins of the type of discourse they use to explain their point of view, so the only aspect of the content of their message they care for is that which expresses how little the person they are directing is worth. his verbal aggressions.

As well they are relatively incompetent when it comes to understanding the arguments of others; if they make you feel bad, act as if they had not heard. Not because they are unintelligent, but because of their high emotional involvement in the discussions, however minimal they may be. In addition, they try to make others be complicit in the disqualifications, mixing them with humor to ridicule the other.


The verbal aggressors are very numerous, since the use of insults and pejorative labels is relatively allowed in many contexts.

  • Related article: "The 11 types of violence (and the different kinds of aggression)"

The symbolic and emotional disqualifications

Another aspect of verbal aggression is that it has even more indirect and subtle allies. They correspond to the symbolic and emotional aggressions, which despite being non-verbal they work through a code that transmits ideas and that, consequently, can cause harm or discomfort.

Getting to recognize the cases of symbolic non-verbal disqualifications can be somewhat complicated in some cases, since the scope for interpretation is broader, but in any case we must be clear that it is not something that can be admitted.

Any attack towards us that does not occur physically, but through symbols and words, It has an effect on us ; even if we do not appreciate matter or energy flowing in our direction as it would happen if we were kicked, that does not mean that insults and bad words are less real. Part of the assertiveness consists in watching over one's own dignity, and if the verbal aggressors commit it, one must confront them ... but not in any way.


How to deactivate a verbal aggressor

When someone uses a term used to disqualify (be it an insult or a word used to minimize our opinion, such as "small" or "toddler") and we understand that it has been an unusual departure from tone, it is important to give the message that That concrete behavior has clear consequences from that moment.

That is why, instead of worrying about refuting the content and arguments that the other has used, we should call attention to verbal aggression and not allow the dialogue to continue flowing until the other person does not acknowledge his mistake and apologizes. No matter how important the argument of the other appears to be, one must ignore it until an apology is obtained.

This blockade of the conversation is posed as an incident whose responsibility lies with the other for breaking with the rules of good communication. In this way, you are forced to choose between an option that he will renounce a good part of his position of fictitious superiority or another in which he shows his inability to maintain a dialogue without incurring a very basic fault against which younger children are educated.

In case of reoffending

When verbal abusers fall again and again into disqualification, we must make our reaction follow the same rhythm; the dialogue stops as many times as it takes to focus all attention on verbal aggression.

When the apologies do not appear

In the event that the verbal aggressor refuses to acknowledge his mistake and does not apologize, the most effective thing is to make him pay for it as well. How? Carrying to the end the logic of blocking the communication that we had followed until then: physically leaving that place . This action will be an explicit and visible manifestation by all of the failure of the verbal aggressor's attempts to communicate.

If we remain in the site but we refuse to speak with that person, the impact of that measure is less, because it goes unnoticed until the moments in which we are asked to say something.

Bibliographic references:

  • Evans, P. (2009). The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Adams Media

What To Say To Him To Make Him Chase You | 15 Things To Say To Him! (May 2024).


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