Why can not I stop thinking about my ex? 4 keys to understand it
The lovesickness is one of the most painful phenomena that can suffer the human being and that we all have to live .
Surely at this moment there are many people who are having a hard time and who still think that person they have loved and can not be with.
What happens when our romantic partner leaves us?
Unfortunately, socially it is not well seen that an individual suffers for another person, because many associate it with a weak personality. Actually, forgetting that special someone, that someone you loved, is a process that has its phases and that you have to overcome with time. Now, the lack of love is not linear, because we can relapse and suffer at different times of our lives. Over time, but, everything is overcome or at least it hurts less. Even if you do not believe it, most people wear it inside.
Love is like a drug
Understanding the lack of love and stop thinking about your ex may not always be easy. And to understand that it is not a linear phenomenon and that there may be relapses, we must bear in mind that love, like drugs, uses the same neuronal circuits. It is clear that we can not explain this phenomenon only with biological factors, since cultural factors have a decisive influence.
But what love is like a drug I do not say it, but a study of the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, which pretended to know more about the lack of love, concluded that when love is broken, like what happens to a drug addict, the separation of the beloved person has serious consequences in our behavior , as depressive and obsessive behaviors.
Now, love and lack of love are such complex issues that there is not a great consensus among scientists, but over the years they have been contributing conclusions from different investigations that have helped to better understand these phenomena.
The sickness of loves hurts just like the physical pain
But what exactly happens in the brain when we fall out of love? Some experts say that culture has a great influence on our tastes, for example, that we like a person who surfs or is sapiosexual. But the experts also they warn that there are inexplicable things and that, as you have seen throughout your life, you fall in love . Sometimes you do not have to look for an explanation.
But when we fall in love, the brain suffers a neurochemical cascade in which different neurotransmitters and hormones are involved , such as serotonin, norepinephrine (noradrenaline), dopamine or oxytocin, among others, which are the cause of the change in our perception of life. When we are in love we are euphoric, we think continuously about the other person, we sleep less, etc.
If you want to know what exactly happens when we fall in love, you can read our article: "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug"
And of course, When love breaks down, the neurochemical maladjustment causes a behavior change that requires time until it stabilizes . Different investigations have concluded that the same part of the brain that functions as a physical pain processor also has the task of processing emotional pain.
Psychologists recommend losing contact with the other person to overcome the breakup of a partner. In other words, in this situation it is necessary to apply the "all or nothing" so that the cerebral pathways related to the lack of love (and the addiction to the drug) are weakened.
Remembering the couple in those moments ...
In addition to the obsessive and depressive behavior characteristic of the lack of love of the first months, It is usual to remember the couple at certain times when a time has passed . Those programs that you watched together, a car equal to that of your ex, those places you went to together, those songs ... can bring back memories of who some day was your partner.
To understand this, one only has to think about the associative learning of classical conditioning, which can remind us of the couple months later and that can make us relapse and cause us pain when we thought we had overcome it. Something that also happens in addicts to drugs. In the case of drug addiction, this phenomenon is called conditioned abstinence syndrome.
Open wounds and their acceptance
But does it take a long time to forget the person you have loved? Well, that depends on the situation of each one and the intensity of their feelings. But what is clear is that if we do not accept the break, the pain remains. Our beliefs are to blame that we hold on to that person who is no longer part of our lives. If they have left us, the decision that the other person has made must be respected despite not liking us.
The break may have been traumatic and we need more time to forget that person. We may need to work on ourselves and our self-esteem before meeting another special person. But the first step to forget your ex is to accept that it is over. After your ex, life goes on . It is in your hands to return to the path of your life, distancing yourself emotionally from the person who is no longer there, and cementing your happiness in yourself, in your own options and possibilities.
